Author ReadyforLove Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 I wouldn't put too much thought toward the spending. It's a fun aspect of dating for some men. You could be right. This guy is a complete gentleman I can tell that he was raised to court women. Perhaps it was instilled in him that when dating a woman, you are supposed to take her out and pay for her no matter what. Hmm, I think this is all starting to make sense to me. Thanks.
musemaj11 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 The guy is such a good dog. If I were you I would keep him around. He would come in handy when you get into dire situations.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I wouldn't put too much thought toward the spending. It's a fun aspect of dating for some men. The key word being some.
Author ReadyforLove Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 The guy is such a good dog. If I were you I would keep him around. He would come in handy when you get into dire situations. LOL you are so bad!
ascendotum Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Do you consider yourself reasonably attractive or have a good sense of humor, sweet natured, friendly personality? If so he probably enjoys your company and spending time with you as opposed to hanging out at his mates place all the time or way more that than sitting at home in front of the tv or worrying about not having a job. Enjoys your company, but not to the extent that he's in love in with you. Maybe he is the type of guy that only believes in sex in a loving committed LTR, and has avoided putting the moves on you because he does not want you to become too attached and to have this ‘social friends’ relationship morph into a committed relationship. The really expensive restaurants is a bit strange though when he could take you to less hi-class but still good quality food and ambiance establishments, especially given he's un-employed. In regards to your last question - Yes. Being unemployed would be weighing on his mind I am sure in terms of his confidence as far as being the best he can be for a woman, and this could be a factor for why he is postponing any thought of being in a relationship till he gets his life back on track. Also… maybe he still really pines for his ex. What’s better, this situation or the one were he just keeps seeing you only on the days when you will have sex and then when you say where is this relationship going, he pulls the plug and says I told you I wasn’t looking for anything serious and you say, so you only pretended to like me so you could have sex.
Author ReadyforLove Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Do you consider yourself reasonably attractive or have a good sense of humor, sweet natured, friendly personality? Yes, all of the above! Also… maybe he still really pines for his ex. This could be true. They dated for five years and broke up about a year ago. What’s better, this situation or the one were he just keeps seeing you only on the days when you will have sex and then when you say where is this relationship going, he pulls the plug and says I told you I wasn’t looking for anything serious and you say, so you only pretended to like me so you could have sex. We don't even have sex every time we see each other and he doesn't expect to either! We genuinely enjoy each others company
musemaj11 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Why is everyone saying that the guy is using her for sex when obviously she is the one who is using him for sex, free meals, and free rides? :laugh: Such a funny world we are living in ...
OldSkool Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I'm just going to reel off some quick thoughts based upon my own personal experience. As a man, I will not pursue a serious relationship unless I can afford to support that relationship. I also would not have a child unless I can support that child, I will not adopt a pet unless I can afford to support that pet. No man wants to see something they love and cherish struggle or want for anything. As a reasonably intelligent man I enjoy the company of (intelligent) women. It's not all about the sex, it's about the fact that they are fascinating, delightful creatures who are so uniquely different from myself. As a man raised in the tradition of a gentleman, even when in a relationship, it bothers a tiny corner of my psyche when she pays for anything whenever we go out. I have learned to accept this however. In my mind, she is my princess, I am her Knight, and when we go out I want to serve her. Peace
sfranks1492 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 It sounds like he is simply lonely and wanting someone to spend that time with. If he is recently out of a relationship then he may be using you as the replacement so as not to feel hurt or lonely. Sounds like you may be his rebound. Sorry
Feelin Frisky Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 So that means that some men can be content with spending time and money a woman that they don't want to get serious with? Apparently so. There's a lot of "men". So, surely a few will pony up whatever they have for some "don't know what the hell I'm doin' or where the hell I'm goin' SEX with someone who'll put out. I feel for ya--you want to hear that this can't be and somehow he really is in love with you or something else to make a happy ending. But he may just be a dude who ain't that into you. Sorry if that hurts to hear. I'm sure you're love-worthy so perhaps you need to close the show on him.
musemaj11 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 (edited) I'm just going to reel off some quick thoughts based upon my own personal experience. As a man, I will not pursue a serious relationship unless I can afford to support that relationship. I also would not have a child unless I can support that child, I will not adopt a pet unless I can afford to support that pet. No man wants to see something they love and cherish struggle or want for anything. As a reasonably intelligent man I enjoy the company of (intelligent) women. It's not all about the sex, it's about the fact that they are fascinating, delightful creatures who are so uniquely different from myself. As a man raised in the tradition of a gentleman, even when in a relationship, it bothers a tiny corner of my psyche when she pays for anything whenever we go out. I have learned to accept this however. In my mind, she is my princess, I am her Knight, and when we go out I want to serve her. Peace Lol, ur mom must have brainwashed u real good. One day u r gonna get used bad like what this girl is doing to the chump. A woman is no less than a man. If she is healthy let her pay for herself through life. Edited December 2, 2010 by musemaj11
OldSkool Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Actually, in response to your snarky comment, I was never very close to my mother for reasons that don't concern you. Oh, I have been used bad (sic) and you know what, I have come away from those experiences where I have been used badly with more strength, depth of character and and better understanding of the human condition. You're right about one thing. Women are no less than a man. Now let me state some archaic words about how a gentleman views a woman. Chivalry Respect Protection Provide Cherish Love Peace
ConstantCraving Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 My question is, wtf does this man want from me? His actions tell me he wants a relationship but his words are saying something different. I don't see any contradiction between his words and his actions. 1. You both told each other you didn't want anything serious. 2. You pounced on him for sex and he didn't object. 3. He is nice to you and spends money on you. Where is the logical contradiction there?
Jannah Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 A good rule of thumb: If he says he doesn't want a relationship - listen to his words. If he says he does want a relationship - look at his actions. PS. OP - I like your avie.
carhill Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 It would be interesting to see if your socializing overlaps where and when he once socialized with his ex. IMO, if you're 'using' each other in a mutually beneficial way, continue that. Since neither of you apparently has any emotions invested, enjoy your time together and whatever happens, happens. Personally, if I was still hurting from the end of my M and my psychology was typically male, and some lady showed up regularly to assuage that pain with her company, good cheer and occasional 'jumping on me', I'd likely feel impelled to continue upon that path until I healed. It would feel positive and beneficial. Compartmentalizing emotions of love and commitment from pleasure and satisfaction would allow the apparent dynamic to exist in a situationally healthy way. When the situation ended, so would the 'deal'. If you are able to compartmentalize similarly, this will likely work well for you. Enjoy
ConstantCraving Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 A good rule of thumb: If he says he doesn't want a relationship - listen to his words. If he says he does want a relationship - look at his actions. Oh snap! I totally agree.
Rebellious Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 We can't read his mind. Why don't you ask him?
musemaj11 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Actually, in response to your snarky comment, I was never very close to my mother for reasons that don't concern you.Well, most males were brainwashed by their mothers to put women on a pedestal. I know my mother did. Oh, I have been used bad (sic) and you know what, I have come away from those experiences where I have been used badly with more strength, depth of character and and better understanding of the human condition. You're right about one thing. Women are no less than a man. Now let me state some archaic words about how a gentleman views a woman. Chivalry Respect Protection Provide Cherish Love Peace Chivalry = Slavery It is a fact. Men who think otherwise suffer from Stockholm Syndrome. They are the victims but they refuse to think they are. I respect women. I love women. But I see women as equal. Im not gonna do for them what they can do for themselves and I dont want them to do for me what I can do by myself. However, I would like them to help me in what they can do better as I would help them in what I can do better.
carhill Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Well, most males were brainwashed by their mothers to put women on a pedestal. I know my mother did. That's interesting, isn't it? My perspective was, watching how my mother treated *others*, as well as my father and myself, role modeled me for what a 'good woman' was. Where I went wrong was not having enough unhealthy female role models in my life to see the differences, hence developing a myopic viewpoint which didn't allow for reality of the myriad of psychologies which exist. Even study of same, and peer interaction, were impotent to shake that fundamental emotional setpoint of how I 'felt' about women. Great life lesson. To my parents detriment, neither balanced looking for the best in people (the role model) with seeing clearly the worst in people and responding to it in a healthy way. That would have been my primary change in parenting style from what I experienced, educating and role-modeling *balance*. I respect women. I love women. But I see women as equal. Im not gonna do for them what they can do for themselves and I dont want them to do for me what I can do by myself. However, I would like them to help me in what they can do better as I would help them in what I can do better. Yes, I've lived this as a product of role-modeling. The unhealthy part was *choosing* incompatible examples of women to practice this healthy philosophy with. Until life ends, there are always more opportunities to make different choices
mitchell Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I view this as a mutually beneficial FWB arrangement. He's getting companionship and the pleasure of your company. For this, he pays for your expensive meals and dates which you enjoy. Was the sex any good? I doubt it since he hasn't been coming back for more. Don't ignore his position on this from the outset.
OldSkool Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Chivalry = Slavery It is a fact. I disagree. Wikipedia: Chivalry is a term related to the medieval institution of knighthood which has an aristocratic military origin of individual training and service to others. It is usually associated with ideals of knightly virtues, honor and courtly love: Not to debate authority, but simply to put it into context. Knights were the Only non nobility who were allowed to openly carry weapons. They were about as opposite from slaves (serfs) as fire is to water. Knights had great power and freedom to do as they saw fit to keep order or defend the crown. Chivalry is the embodiment of the belief that with great power comes great responsibility. Peace
carhill Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Chivalry is the embodiment of the belief that with great power comes great responsibility.I always believed, perhaps naively, that women possessed great power, the power to nurture, to love, to bear us progeny, and hence treated them with great respect and care. In that zeal, I forget about their duty to responsibility commensurate with that power. Great life lesson. I changed that perspective, unhealthily in method, and now have a more balanced viewpoint. I hope the OP is seeing, in the male opinions here, information which is valuable to her.
musemaj11 Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 That's interesting, isn't it? My perspective was, watching how my mother treated *others*, as well as my father and myself, role modeled me for what a 'good woman' was. To be fair though, even though my very religious and traditional mother taught me that its my job as a man to protect and provide for a woman, she also taught me that a good woman is a woman who obeys and serves me as a man. Ya well mom, I dont want a maid. I want an equal partner who doesnt divide jobs along a gender line ... I disagree. Wikipedia: Chivalry is a term related to the medieval institution of knighthood which has an aristocratic military origin of individual training and service to others. It is usually associated with ideals of knightly virtues, honor and courtly love: Not to debate authority, but simply to put it into context. Knights were the Only non nobility who were allowed to openly carry weapons. They were about as opposite from slaves (serfs) as fire is to water. Knights had great power and freedom to do as they saw fit to keep order or defend the crown. Chivalry is the embodiment of the belief that with great power comes great responsibility. So you think a woman is less than a man since only a man has great power, right? My friend, you were born in the wrong age. 11th Century Chivalry= The belief that a man is supposed to do everything for a woman BECAUSE a woman cannot do anything and is not allowed to do anything. 21st Century Chivalry= The belief that a man is supposed to do everything for a woman DESPITE a woman being able to do anything and is allowed to do anything. Set yourself free from the mind shackles ...
810 Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Chivalry = Slavery this view is sad. i always thought it means being courteous, considerate, and gallant. Courtesy and manners know no genders. they apply and should be practiced by both males and females. courtesy and appreciation. i understand that some men were taken for granted and being treated as doormats but women have met men with fake personas who used it to their advantage and then leave them broken hearted. Situations like those led people to think about themselves first. i don't blame them for being protective of themselves but i think it's sad that chivalry is dying in this day and age.
musemaj11 Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 this view is sad. i always thought it means being courteous, considerate, and gallant. Courtesy and manners know no genders. they apply and should be practiced by both males and females. courtesy and appreciation. It is not sad. And chivalry is not common courtesy. Chivalry is by men for women, while common courtesy is by everyone for everyone. Its good that chivalry is dying in this day and age.
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