ReadyforLove Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 (edited) I'm in this situation where I have been dating a guy for about two months. Everything was great, he would take me out to really expensive restaurants about once a week. I went to his house maybe twice, he came to mine once, I met a few of his friends, he has met some of mine. We talked and texted in between dates and he never made any kind of sexual move towards me the entire time. He told me up front that he wasn't looking for anything serious because he had just gotten out of a relationship. I told him I really wasn't looking for anything serious either, I was just enjoying my time with him. Also, as far as long term potential, I don't see him as being my boyfriend for various reasons. So after about two months I decided it was time to switch gears and I pounced on him one night after one of our dates. We had sex. Of course he is still saying he does not want anything serious but he still continues to give me attention, take me out and treats me like he wants something serious. My question is, wtf does this man want from me? His actions tell me he wants a relationship but his words are saying something different. Is he content with spending time and money on someone that he isn't serious about? I know he doesn't just want me for sex because if that was the case, he would have tried to bed me a long time ago. So what gives? He told me he is not dating anyone else and I believe him, he doesn't make that much money and he is currently unemployed. Would a broke man actually spend the little pennies he has on someone he didn't care about? Do you think he is waiting to financially get back on his feet before he gets in a relationship? Help please!! Edited December 1, 2010 by ReadyforLove
Ilovecake Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Just because he takes you out and sleeps with you does not mean he wants something serious. Take his word for it. He's telling you he is dating you until he meets someone who he wants to have something serious with. So many girls lie and say they're not looking for something serious because that's what they think the guy wants to hear then they cry that the guy doesn't want to be their boyfriend. Oldest story in the book. If you want a boyfriend you need to dump this guy he will not commit to you.
phillyfan Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I'm in this situation where I have been dating a guy for about two months. Everything was great, he would take me out to really expensive restaurants about once a week. I went to his house maybe twice, he came to mine once, I met a few of his friends, he has met some of mine. We talked and texted in between dates and he never made any kind of sexual move towards me the entire time. He told me up front that he wasn't looking for anything serious because he had just gotten out of a relationship. I told him I really wasn't looking for anything serious either, I was just enjoying my time with him. Also, as far as long term potential, I don't see him as being my boyfriend for various reasons. So after about two months I decided it was time to switch gears and I pounced on him one night after one of our dates. We had sex. Of course he is still saying he does not want anything serious but he still continues to give me attention, take me out and treats me like he wants something serious. My question is, wtf does this man want from me? His actions tell me he wants a relationship but his words are saying something different. Is he content with spending time and money on someone that he isn't serious about? I know he doesn't just want me for sex because if that was the case, he would have tried to bed me a long time ago. So what gives? He told me he is not dating anyone else and I believe him, he doesn't make that much money and he is currently unemployed. Would a broke man actually spend the little pennies he has on someone he didn't care about? Do you think he is waiting to financially get back on his feet before he gets in a relationship? Help please!! He tells u clear as day - many times - that he doesnt want anything serious. So why the 'WTF does he want' question? Hes spelt it out many times.
Author ReadyforLove Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 He tells u clear as day - many times - that he doesnt want anything serious. So why the 'WTF does he want' question? Hes spelt it out many times. So that means that some men can be content with spending time and money a woman that they don't want to get serious with?
Surrealist Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 He's spending money on her which is kind of strange, but nontheless, doesn't necessarily mean he wants a serious LTR. May well want sex and is patient with it, not being too pushy.
Author ReadyforLove Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 Just because he takes you out and sleeps with you does not mean he wants something serious. Take his word for it. He's telling you he is dating you until he meets someone who he wants to have something serious with. So many girls lie and say they're not looking for something serious because that's what they think the guy wants to hear then they cry that the guy doesn't want to be their boyfriend. Oldest story in the book. If you want a boyfriend you need to dump this guy he will not commit to you. Thanks for the reply. I do want a boyfriend, but this guy is not the guy for me. I'm just enjoying all the perks of being with him without BEING with him.
SmileFace Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Why don't you listen to him and stop trying to understand. He is saying he doesn't want anything serious - this means he doesn't want anything serious. Please do yourself a favor and stop trying to decode his actions. You are only going to confuse yourself . If he is not what you are looking for -- move on.
Ilovecake Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 So that means that some men can be content with spending time and money a woman that they don't want to get serious with? Yes a lot of men and women can be content just dating without a commitment. He's probably spending money on other women as well. It's called dating and playing the field. You might want to consider doing the same thing.
Author ReadyforLove Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 He's spending money on her which is kind of strange, but nontheless, doesn't necessarily mean he wants a serious LTR. May well want sex and is patient with it, not being too pushy. Thanks, Surrealist. This is why I presented the question. I just find it odd, especially in this economy, for a man who is unemployed and strapped for cash to pursue me and want to do things with me that would cost him a lot of money. I could understand my situation more if he were only suggesting I come to his place to watch a movie at odd hours of the night but this is not the case. He was really patient with sex, never tried to initiate it. I had to be the one to attack him!!
musemaj11 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 (edited) He is lonely and he needs company. He is spending money obviously to pay for the company. To the OP, what is your concern exactly? You get sex and taken out to nice restaurants in return for keeping him company. If you feel bad then leave him. If you dont then there is nothing to worry about. Anyway, I feel sad for this guy. I think he is hiding something. Probably depression because he is unemployed. Edited December 1, 2010 by musemaj11
Author ReadyforLove Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 Why don't you listen to him and stop trying to understand. He is saying he doesn't want anything serious - this means he doesn't want anything serious. Please do yourself a favor and stop trying to decode his actions. You are only going to confuse yourself . If he is not what you are looking for -- move on. I asked for a male's opinion for a reason. I am not trying to have a relationship with this guy. I simply posed the question: why would a man say he doesn't want a relationship but then spend a large amount of time and money a girl when financially, he doesn't really have the means to do so.
SmileFace Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I asked for a male's opinion for a reason. I am not trying to have a relationship with this guy. I simply posed the question: why would a man say he doesn't want a relationship but then spend a large amount of time and money a girl when financially, he doesn't really have the means to do so. Umm ,ok! lol
xpaperxcutx Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Thanks for the reply. I do want a boyfriend, but this guy is not the guy for me. I'm just enjoying all the perks of being with him without BEING with him. Then why did you have sex with him? You sound like someone who builds emotions from sex. If you had known from the start this guy isn't serious, you wouldn't have literally " taken advantage" of him. He is lonely and he needs company. He is spending money obviously to pay for the company. To the OP, what is your concern exactly? You get sex and taken out to nice restaurants in return for keeping him company. If you feel bad then leave him. If you dont then there is nothing to worry about. Anyway, I feel sad for this guy. I think he is hiding something. Probably depression because he is unemployed. This is weird. Are you saying the guy is treating her like an escort?
paleblue Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I can tell you what he wants. Simple. He just wants some company here and there. You make him feel good, giving him attention and letting him take you out. He makes you feel good. It’s just a no strings thing. If he wanted more he would tell you. My thoughts, dont get too attached.
Author ReadyforLove Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 He is lonely and he needs company. He is spending money obviously to pay for the company. To the OP, what is your concern exactly? You get sex and taken out to nice restaurants in return for keeping him company. If you feel bad then leave him. If you dont then there is nothing to worry about. Anyway, I feel sad for this guy. I think he is hiding something. Probably depression because he is unemployed. I honestly don't feel bad. I figure if he is going to shell out money on someone it might as well be me. This kind of situation is very new (and odd) to me. If he did change his mind and wanted something serious with me, THEN I would feel bad and have to break it off with him. Until then, I will just assume that maybe he is lonely and enjoys my company. Nothing wrong with that!
Author ReadyforLove Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 Then why did you have sex with him? You sound like someone who builds emotions from sex. If you had known from the start this guy isn't serious, you wouldn't have literally " taken advantage" of him. To be honest, I have been celibate for awhile and was extremely horny. He is a nice guy, and wasn't pressuring me to have sex which made me want it even more. This is weird. Are you saying the guy is treating her like an escort? Wow, interesting lol
musemaj11 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 This is weird. Are you saying the guy is treating her like an escort? Are you saying when men treat women to dates they are paying for escorts?
Author ReadyforLove Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 Yes a lot of men and women can be content just dating without a commitment. He's probably spending money on other women as well. It's called dating and playing the field. You might want to consider doing the same thing. I doubt this, unless he is lying about being unemployed.
musemaj11 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I honestly don't feel bad. I figure if he is going to shell out money on someone it might as well be me. This kind of situation is very new (and odd) to me. If he did change his mind and wanted something serious with me, THEN I would feel bad and have to break it off with him. Until then, I will just assume that maybe he is lonely and enjoys my company. Nothing wrong with that! Now you actually do sound like an escort.
Author ReadyforLove Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 Now you actually do sound like an escort. LOL. No comment!!!!
xpaperxcutx Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Are you saying when men treat women to dates they are paying for escorts? No, but I exclaimed " this is weird". Why would be an unemployed man still be willing to pay for two when he's already in a hole and unable to pay for one. I would understand if he has savings and willingly parts with his money. But he's dating casual, so even at that level, I'm sure he would still be slightly stingy. OP, how much does he usually cover when you guys go to dinner and such? Now you actually do sound like an escort. :lmao:
EasyHeart Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I agree with the bulk of posters; this doesn't sound unusual to me at all. When he says he doesn't want a relationship, it means don't get too attached because he's not looking for anything LT and he may just bail for no reason some day. I'd like to turn the question around a bit for the OP and any other women in the thread: When a woman says "what does this man want from me?", what does she mean? What are the options? I've gotten this question a lot and I never have any idea what kind of answer a woman is looking for. Are there categories of relationships? Are there certain titles that should be applied? I honestly don't get it.
Author ReadyforLove Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 No, but I exclaimed " this is weird". Why would be an unemployed man still be willing to pay for two when he's already in a hole and unable to pay for one. I would understand if he has savings and willingly parts with his money. But he's dating casual, so even at that level, I'm sure he would still be slightly stingy. OP, how much does he usually cover when you guys go to dinner and such? Thank you so much. This is what I was trying to say but it did not come out as eloquently as you put it!! lol. We have been out to dinner about 8 times in total to really nice places. The first few dates, I didn't offer to pay at all. Around the 4th date or so, I started asking if I could help him pay the tip and he wouldn't let me. Our very last date which was last Friday, he mentioned to me that earlier in the day, he went to hand out fliers for some extra cash So I offered to pay half of the tab and he said "NO WAY". So in all, I have not paid for a single date or outing. Also, I wanted to add that he even drives out of his way to pick me up for our dates. He even drove across town one night to pick me up when I was stranded after a night of partying. And as well all know, gas is expensive these days! But he really doesn't mind at all...
musemaj11 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 LOL. No comment!!!! LOL. Well, at least you are honest unlike most women who refuse to call a spade a spade. No, but I exclaimed " this is weird". Why would be an unemployed man still be willing to pay for two when he's already in a hole and unable to pay for one. Have you ever heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs? Every single person including the unemployed and poor has social needs.
welikeincrowds Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I wouldn't put too much thought toward the spending. It's a fun aspect of dating for some men.
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