East7 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Here is a spicy Topic : Percentage of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional: 41% Percentage of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they've had: 57% Percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they've had: 54% Average length of an affair: 2 years Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 74% Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 68% It is estimated that roughly 30 to 60% of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage (see, Buss and Shackelford for review of this research). Infidelity is becoming more common among people under 30. Many experts believe this increase in cheating is due to greater opportunity (time spent away from a spouse) and young people developing the habit of having multiple sexual partners before they get married (see, young and restless - Wall Street Journal). Men are more likely to cheat than women. But, as women become more financially independent, women are starting to act more like men with respect to infidelity As more and more women enter the work force, "office romances" are becoming more common. Spouses often spend more time with coworkers than with each other. The internet, e-mail, and chat rooms are making it easier for people to engage in infidelity Emotional infidelity, compared to just physical infidelity, can inflict as much, if not more, hurt, pain and suffering. Unfortunately, many people find a more suitable mate (someone they love more than their spouse) after they are already married. Have you ever cheated on someone? ▪ Yes 41% ▪ No 59% Have you ever been cheated on? ▪ Yes 68% ▪ No 32% Number of guys who take off their wedding rings when they go out without their wives ▪ 1 in 3 Percentage of cheating men who get caught ▪ 80% Percentage of couple who preserve their marriage after an affair ▪ 64% (35% divorce because of the A) Of those couples who remain married despite an affair, what percentage later describe the marriage as unhappy or empty? ▪ 78% ___________________________________________________________ Sources : http://www.infidelityfacts.com/infidelity-statistics.html http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/cheating-and-infidelity/stats-about-infidelity.html http://www.divorcepeers.com/stats31.htm#fn%201
thomasb Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Well , these are the stats I found: [FONT=Arial]Infidelity Statistics[/FONT][FONT=Rockwell] [/FONT][sIZE=-1][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/sIZE] Menstuff® has compiled the following information on infidelity statistics. Snippets What Do Infidelity Statistics Mean? Snippets It's tough to get a handle on how many of us are having affairs, given the inherent secrecy. 22 percent of married men have strayed at least once during their married lives.14 percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives.Younger people are more likely candidates; in fact, younger women are as likely as younger men to be unfaithful.70 percent of married women and 54 percent of married men did not know of their spouses' extramarital activity.5 percent of married men and 3 percent of married women reported having sex with someone other than their spouse in the year1997.22 percent of men and 14 percent of women admitted to having sexual relations outside their marriage sometime in their past.90 percent of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong.50 percent of Americans say President Clinton's adultery makes his moral standard "about the same as the average married man,'' according to a Time-CNN poll.61 percent of Americans thought adultery should not be a crime in the United states; 35 percent thought it should; 4 percent had no opinion.17 percent of divorces in the United States are caused by infidelity.[sIZE=-1]Source: Associated Press[/sIZE]Up to 37% of men and 22% of women admit to having affairs. Researchers think the vast majority of the millions of people who visit chat rooms, have multiple "special friends”. Dr. Bob Lanier, askbob.com [sIZE=-1][/sIZE]Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship (Atwood & Schwartz, 2002 - Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy)Only 46% of men believe that online affairs are adultery. DivorceMag80% think it's Ok to talk with a stranger identified as the opposite sex. 75% thinks it's ok to visit an adult site.About 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in some marriage "Monogamy Myth", Therapist Peggy VaugnAbout 24 percent of men and 14 percent of women have had sex outside their marriages, according to a Dec. 21, 1998 report in USA Today on a national study by the University of California, San Francisco.Affairs affect one of every 2.7 couples, according to counselor Janis Abrahms Spring, author of After the Affair,as reported by the Washington Post on March 30, 1999. Ten percent of extramarital affairs last one day, 10 percent last more than one day but less than a month, 50 percent last more than a month but less than a year, but 40 percent last two or more years. Few extramarital affairs last more than four years.A lesser known fact is that those who divorce rarely marry the person with whom they are having the affair. For example, Dr. Jan Halper’s study of successful men (executives, entrepreneurs, professionals) found that very few men who have affairs divorce their wife and marry their lovers. Only 3 percent of the 4,100 successful men surveyed eventually married their lovers.Frank Pittman has found that the divorce rate among those who married their lovers was 75 percent. The reasons for the high divorce rate include: intervention of reality, guilt, expectations, a general distrust of marriage, and a distrust of the affairee.One-third of divorce litigation is caused by online affairs. This Is An Internet E-Mergency, The Fortino GroupApproximately 70% of time on-line is spent in chat rooms or sending e-mail; of these interactions, the vast majority are romantic in nature. Dr. Michael Adamse, PhD., co-author of Affairs of the Net: The Cybershrinks' Guide to Online RelationshipsBecause of the anonymity, affordability, and accessibility of Internet sexual resources, the computer can accelerate the transition from "at risk" to "addicted," as well as the progression of sex addiction in those with a history of prior sexual compulsivity. Cooper et al Survey8-10 percent of Internet users become hooked on cybersex. Dr. Bob Lanier, askbob.com [sIZE=-1][/sIZE]Spouses who get hooked on Internet porn are a growing complaint among spouses filing for divorce, according to a survey of 350 divorce attorneys. "If there's dissatisfaction in the existing relationship, the Internet is an easy way for people to scratch the itch," said lawyer J. Lindsey Short, Jr., president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, which conducted the study.57% of people have used the Internet to flirt.38% of people have engaged in explicit online sexual conversation and 50% of people have made phone contact with someone they chatted with online.Evidence proves there is a high correlation between on-line infidelity and subsequent real-time sexual affairs.Evidence supports the existence of disinhibition, accelerated intimacy, and hyper-sexual online behavior that can easily lead to real-time infidelity31% of people have had an online conversation that has led to real-time sex.It is estimated that 53% of all people will have one or more affairs during their lifetime.Look at the numbers from Playboy Magazine:-2 out of 3 women and 3 out of 4 men admit they have sexual thoughts about co-workers.-86% of men and 81% of women admit they routinely flirt with the opposite sex.-75% of men and 65% of women admit to having sex with people they work with.The fact is that human beings are NOT monogamous by nature. That means they cheat.Experts say that a gut instinct is the most powerful indicator of a cheating lover. Adultery statistics state that 85% of woman who feel their lover is cheating are correct. 50% of men who feel their lover is cheating are right. The first clue is seldom obvious. Typically, it's a "feeling" that something is different.Cheating spouse statistics confirm that 50 and 70 percent of married men (between 38 and 53 million men) have cheated or will cheat on their wives. One study found that 2/3 of the wives (26 to 36 million women) whose husbands were cheating had no idea their husbands were having an affair - largely because they failed to recognize the telltale signs.According to Annette Lawson, author of Adultery, published in 1989 by Basic Books. "The various researchers arrive at a general consensus…suggesting that above one-quarter to about one-half of married women have at least one lover after they are married in any given marriage. Married men probably still stray more often than married women—perhaps from 50 percent to 65 percent by the age of forty." According to Maggie Scarf, author of Intimate Partners, first published in 1987 by Random House, re-issued in 1996 by Ballentine."Most experts do consider the 'educated guess' that at the present time some 50 to 65 percent of husbands and 45 to 55 percent of wives become extramaritally involved by the age of 40 to be a relatively sound and reasonable one." According to Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth, first published in 1989 by Newmarket Press (third edition published 2003).Conservative infidelity statistics estimate that “60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an extramarital affair. These figures are even more significant when we consider the total number of marriages involved, since it's unlikely that all the men and women having affairs happen to be married to each other. If even half of the women having affairs (or 20 percent) are married to men not included in the 60 percent having affairs, then at least one partner will have an affair in approximately 80 percent of all marriages. With this many marriages affected, it's unreasonable to think affairs are due only to the failures and shortcomings of individual husbands or wives." Quite different from what you posted. Depends on what you believe.
Author East7 Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 Quite different from what you posted. Depends on what you believe. Well...after reading it, I don't see any difference or inconsistency with what i posted Can you show it where the difference is, rather than merely copy and paste ?
NoIDidn't Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Those stats are so, so sad. I agree. And things are even worse for subsequent marriages.
Silly_Girl Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I agree. And things are even worse for subsequent marriages. The cultural changes in marriage have only really been since the 70's haven't they? Or maybe slightly earlier? So the difference that's occurred in 40, maybe 50 years is startling. Are we happier now? Were we happier then? Can't imagine what our relationship habits might be in 30 years time.
BB07 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 What's the date on your stats east? ThomasB, I noticed that yours referenced the date of 1997. I heard somewhere on TV just the other day that 20% of divorces are noted to have something to do with F/B. Interesting I thought.
Author East7 Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 What's the date on your stats east? Multi-sources : divorcepeers - 2003, 2004, 2005 Others : 2006. I don't think the stats results have dramatically changed in the last 20 years (since 1980) It is curious that stats from US are very very close with those in Europe.
jwi71 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Percentage of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional: 41% Admission and actual occurrences are different. Nor do we have an agreed upon definition of what an affair is in this data set. Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 74% Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 68% Bah. We KNOW this is wrong - no one EVER begins an A thinking they will get caught. Infidelity is becoming more common among people under 30. Many experts believe this increase in cheating is due to greater opportunity (time spent away from a spouse) and young people developing the habit of having multiple sexual partners before they get married (see, young and restless - Wall Street Journal). I attribute it to young and stupid. For the older population engaging in A's I attribute it to older and stupid aka midlife crisis. (This is LIGHT HEARTED...smile, have a little fun every once in a while here...or, to quote Heath Ledger's remarkable Joker character "Why so serious?" Men are more likely to cheat than women. But, as women become more financially independent, women are starting to act more like men with respect to infidelity Duh. We have dicks. Nuff said. The internet, e-mail, and chat rooms are making it easier for people to engage in infidelity Thank you captain obvious. Unfortunately, many people find a more suitable mate (someone they love more than their spouse) after they are already married. Its called reality setting in. Of those couples who remain married despite an affair, what percentage later describe the marriage as unhappy or empty? ▪ 78%Serious: Actual question...WHO is the respondent...the WS or the BS? I'm not attacking you per se East7...just the fact that stats are worthless without the data...and even then they can be manipulated. I am a very analytical person by nature and I simply don;t put too much stock in this...J-J and I went over this a while back and my conclusion is: the stats tell us nothing.
Author East7 Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 The cultural changes in marriage have only really been since the 70's haven't they? Or maybe slightly earlier? So the difference that's occurred in 40, maybe 50 years is startling. Are we happier now? Were we happier then? Can't imagine what our relationship habits might be in 30 years time. I think you didn't get her question... Subsequent marriages are those after the 1st divorce. The divorce in the 1st marriage happens between 8-10th year of M. The 2nd and 3rd marriages are likely to last even less. Formers lovers (AP) who end up marring each-other are 15% or the A. (I have read it somewhere, need to find the source...) Previous lovers who get married fOW+fMM, fOM+fMW, are more likely to divorce in the next 3-4 years. The famous percentage of 3% is of the former lovers who get married and stay married to the end of their lives. (The Notebook )
xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 What a depressing thread. But also really interesting, thanks for posting this info. Makes you wonder how many affairs REALLY happen, given that these stats are mostly regarding the percentages of people who either ADMIT their adultery or have been CAUGHT.
Silly_Girl Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I think you didn't get her question... Subsequent marriages are those after the 1st divorce. The divorce in the 1st marriage happens between 8-10th year of M. The 2nd and 3rd marriages are likely to last even less. Formers lovers (AP) who end up marring each-other are 15% or the A. (I have read it somewhere, need to find the source...) Previous lovers who get married fOW+fMM, fOM+fMW, are more likely to divorce in the next 3-4 years. The famous percentage of 3% is of the former lovers who get married and stay married to the end of their lives. (The Notebook ) There was no question And my comments were about marriage in general, any/all marriages. I find it troubling, genuinely, for our kids and our kids' kids.
Author East7 Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 -Of those couples who remain married despite an affair, what percentage later describe the marriage as unhappy or empty? ▪ 78% Serious: Actual question...WHO is the respondent...the WS or the BS? I'm not attacking you per se East7...just the fact that stats are worthless without the data...and even then they can be manipulated. I am a very analytical person by nature and I simply don;t put too much stock in this...J-J and I went over this a while back and my conclusion is: the stats tell us nothing. I bet the respondent is the WS ! Well, people tempt to approve and reject stats whether they comfort them or not. I guess you are a fBS, so I understand.
NoIDidn't Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 The cultural changes in marriage have only really been since the 70's haven't they? Or maybe slightly earlier? So the difference that's occurred in 40, maybe 50 years is startling. Are we happier now? Were we happier then? Can't imagine what our relationship habits might be in 30 years time. I think its cyclical. I read a lot of historical non-fiction. History repeats itself because humanity continues to allow itself to forget history. Those who forget are doomed to repeat and all..... We weren't happy or happier 50 years ago. Just like we aren't happy now. The same flawed humans making the same stupid mistakes thinking it will make them happy/happier. I definitely think its cyclical. I think you didn't get her question... Subsequent marriages are those after the 1st divorce. The divorce in the 1st marriage happens between 8-10th year of M. The 2nd and 3rd marriages are likely to last even less. Formers lovers (AP) who end up marring each-other are 15% or the A. (I have read it somewhere, need to find the source...) Previous lovers who get married fOW+fMM, fOM+fMW, are more likely to divorce in the next 3-4 years. The famous percentage of 3% is of the former lovers who get married and stay married to the end of their lives. (The Notebook ) While I agree with your post, I think her response was still in line with my statement. People aren't any happier in general, and the problem isn't marriage, its people and chasing rainbows instead of living in reality. Its a rarity in general any marriage to truly reach its real potential because of the people in them - people with flaws (known and unknown). But the data is really bad for subsequent marriages - even for the person that didn't cheat. I ignore stats, though. I've lived my life going against the "statistics" against me pretty successfully so far. I'm none of the things that the stats said I should be. And that's the thing, stats always have another side. To some, 3% is worth the risk. To others, its not. Stats of this sort are usually sad to me. On the one hand, they mean nothing to me because I own my choices whatever they may be. On the other hand, they do serve as a wake-up call that I not to anything ignorantly or without forewarning.
secretlady76 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I personally feel that it is impossible to put percentages on relationships. They're non quantifiable. Stats are regularly manipulated depending on who carried out the survey and also, who are the respondants? I think when one starts to look up stats on these things is when one has to questions WHY they're looking up stats, I mean what difference do these stats make to your situation? From what I read your situation is over, so, whats the need to look up stats on it? I'm not being mean, I'm just interested.
pureinheart Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Thanks East for putting so much effort into this thread:) The stats are extremely interesting, although don't surprise me. In the area that I grew up in A's were the norm, so I really thought the stats would be higher.
OWoman Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Have you ever cheated on someone? ▪ Yes 41% ▪ No 59% Have you ever been cheated on? ▪ Yes 68% ▪ No 32% More people been cheated on that cheated... Either those "cheaters" are repeat offenders, or someone's lying...
Author East7 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 More people been cheated on that cheated... Either those "cheaters" are repeat offenders, or someone's lying... I noticed that too, but I didn't comment. I have 2 explains : 1 - IMO people tempt to "victimize" themselves, thus those who say they have been "cheated on" are more numerous. 2 -Another theory is that people have multiple partners during their lives, thus more probability of being cheated on than to cheat on others.
Author East7 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 I personally feel that it is impossible to put percentages on relationships. They're non quantifiable. Stats are regularly manipulated depending on who carried out the survey and also, who are the respondants? Why stats have not to relate relationship facts? This is not quantifying love, is about break-ups and affairs, which is very quantifiable. These stats have no reason to be manipulated. I would even say they come from Family support and Reconciling Associations, and even Govt. Entities. Technically they are made out of a random selection of population regardless, age, race, gender etc. then extrapolated to the whole. I think when one starts to look up stats on these things is when one has to questions WHY they're looking up stats, I mean what difference do these stats make to your situation? From what I read your situation is over, so, whats the need to look up stats on it? I'm not being mean, I'm just interested. Well, now that I'm out of the fog I'm trying to rationalize and see how my situation has nothing "very special" and to share with others a Reality check. Another benefit from this is that we realize how a relationship may be fragile and love and respect has to be fed continuously. No relatiosnhip is "cheating-proof" and we learn from our mistakes and from others.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 More people been cheated on that cheated... Either those "cheaters" are repeat offenders, or someone's lying... The numbers are compiled from a poll... and I read an estimate from the American society of family counelors or some such that gave an indication that women lie on those polls by huge numbers. Up to 20% wont even admit to cheating in an anonymous poll. One very solid statistic that wasn't based on voluntary polls, was that marriage counselors compiled data from 2002-2008 to get some idea of trends in infidelity. What they found was that over 60% of infidelity that wound up in counseling was female infidelity. Now that might mean when guys cheat it's less likely to wind up in counseling, however... just looking around I'd say that's probably not the case. I noticed that too, but I didn't comment. I have 2 explains : 1 - IMO people tempt to "victimize" themselves, thus those who say they have been "cheated on" are more numerous. 2 -Another theory is that people have multiple partners during their lives, thus more probability of being cheated on than to cheat on others. I think people are just not truthful when polled. It's one reason polls are often not very good at predicting elections.
Silly_Girl Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 The numbers are compiled from a poll... and I read an estimate from the American society of family counelors or some such that gave an indication that women lie on those polls by huge numbers. Up to 20% wont even admit to cheating in an anonymous poll. One very solid statistic that wasn't based on voluntary polls, was that marriage counselors compiled data from 2002-2008 to get some idea of trends in infidelity. What they found was that over 60% of infidelity that wound up in counseling was female infidelity. Now that might mean when guys cheat it's less likely to wind up in counseling, however... just looking around I'd say that's probably not the case. Can it be that women view infidelity more seriously? More likely to view it as a serious threat to the relationship and are therefore more likely to confess? The female WS's on here seem to take their actions much more seriously (with regards the marriage) than the MM's we see discussed here. I just don't see a lot of the MM's going home and asking their wife to attend counselling because they've played away. A lot of men won't address it (even to themselves?) unless caught out. I think people are just not truthful when polled. It's one reason polls are often not very good at predicting elections. Yes, not truthful but it's a little different, perhaps people change their minds in the polling booth, but it doesn't work with cheating, you either DID cheat or you DIDN'T. Can't change your mind after the event
Silly_Girl Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 To my knowledge there's been no cheating in my parents' marriage and they spend c. 30% of their time miserable as sin and annoying the hell out of each other. "Success" is difficult to define in this arena and stats based on opinion as opposed to facts (like number of divorces per annum) really don't mean anything to me.
Author East7 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 So you're equating "forgiving" with "staying married", and "not forgiving" with "divorce"? I doubt that's strictly accurate - I'm sure some stay married, but don't really forgive... and others divorce, but later come to forgive (with time and distance). The stats just give 65% staying married for whatever reasons (forgiveness or not). The 35% divorce because of infidelity. And to comfort BSs : According to Dr. Willard Harley, expert/counselor in the field of extramarital affairs and writer of a number of books on how to rebuild marriages after an affair and how to affair-proof your marriage, only 5% (1 in 20) extramarital affairs end in marriage, and of those marriages, 75% will end in divorce. IMO those WS who divorce, often spend time alone before finding someone else rather than their AP. The emotional charge and guilt are often heavy baggages to start a new relationship with the AP. As for OW/OM looking for support, this thread helps as a REALITY CHECK to consider moving on rather than pining after MM/MW.
Breezy Trousers Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 Interesting statistics. My experience doesn't reflect it, though. My husband had two affairs and I nearly had one. We've been together for 22 years. We are very happy. However, we've done lots of work on ourselves and our marriage --THANKS to the affairs. I once read that men use affairs to STAY in their marriages while women use affairs to get OUT of their marriages. It's interesting that my husband had the affairs but I ultimately resisted my own temptation. I didn't want to leave our marriage and, obviously, neither did he. I also don't think you have to be unhappy to have an affair. I certainly wasn't unhappy -- just a little bored. My husband wasn't unhappy, either. Affairs were just something exciting on the side or, as my husband told our therapist, "I just wanted something different." If that sounds crass and selfish, it's because it is. Also, affairs are about deceiving and manipulating not just the spouse (and the OW/OM), but the entire community. What better way to rationalize your own deception and manipulation than to blame your marriage for making you do it? Justification! Fact is, most marriages are comfortable, but it's awfully hard to seduce someone into sleeping with you on an ongoing basis if you tell them that. Also, I'm skeptical of those who say they've met the great love of their life after they've married. Sometimes. Most likely a fantasy, though. Marriage is about reality. Affairs are often about delusion -- and sometimes it's not even a shared delusion, but entirely one-sided delusion where the OM/OW believes themselves to be special to MM/MW, while MM/MW view them as just another interchangeable part to keep them stimulated with excitement and attention and fill their inner emptiness (as would have been my experience had I didn't catch myself from crossing that boundary). Perception doesn't make fact, but it's interesting statistic anyway.
Author East7 Posted December 4, 2010 Author Posted December 4, 2010 (edited) Interesting statistics. My experience doesn't reflect it, though. My husband had two affairs and I nearly had one. We've been together for 22 years. We are very happy. However, we've done lots of work on ourselves and our marriage --THANKS to the affairs. Thanks for your input though I don't see how your experience is not reflecting statistics. I am surprised that you had 3 affairs in your couple and you say you are happy together, but that's all good for you, whatever makes your boat float. There are certainly other ways of making a M work without having A. I once read that men use affairs to STAY in their marriages while women use affairs to get OUT of their marriages. It's interesting that my husband had the affairs but I ultimately resisted my own temptation. I didn't want to leave our marriage and, obviously, neither did he. Maybe, The stats say that 70-75% of divorces are initiated by women. To women, the husband's A often serve as a sexual weak-up. It is kind of jealousy and possessiveness that suddenly comes up when another woman is "stealing her male". It depends a lot of the W personality, women who are insecure and clingy (no offense to you) are more likely to forgive one or more husband's A-s. There are many others that can't go past that. I also don't think you have to be unhappy to have an affair. I certainly wasn't unhappy -- just a little bored. My husband wasn't unhappy, either. Affairs were just something exciting on the side or, as my husband told our therapist, "I just wanted something different." If that sounds crass and selfish, it's because it is. Also, affairs are about deceiving and manipulating not just the spouse (and the OW/OM), but the entire community. What better way to rationalize your own deception and manipulation than to blame your marriage for making you do it? Justification! Fact is, most marriages are comfortable, but it's awfully hard to seduce someone into sleeping with you on an ongoing basis if you tell them that. Being unhappy in a marriage means that something is missing. Most of married people say "happily married" to say I'm not miserable. When you don't find the excitement, renewing love and seduction within the M, then the A happens to fill those voids. (See another thread, Why "happily married people" cheat ? ) Blaming the M is a way of escaping responsibilities and being lazy to work on them. Justification? Yes! Also, I'm skeptical of those who say they've met the great love of their life after they've married. Sometimes. Most likely a fantasy, though. Marriage is about reality. Affairs are often about delusion -- and sometimes it's not even a shared delusion, but entirely one-sided delusion where the OM/OW believes themselves to be special to MM/MW, while MM/MW view them as just another interchangeable part to keep them stimulated with excitement and attention and fill their inner emptiness (as would have been my experience had I didn't catch myself from crossing that boundary). Perception doesn't make fact, but it's interesting statistic anyway.Yes affairs are parallel worlds to reality. For a single AP the A is his/her reality. For the MW/MM it is fantasy to fill a void. My xMW told me how "she was dreaming of us growing old together" and I later realized how that was merely a sweet fantasy rather than an intention to make it real. Edited December 4, 2010 by East7
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