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Urgh dont understand

ccnaboy2000

By ccnaboy2000
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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ccnaboy2000 Established Member

ccnaboy2000

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So ive been NC, and my ex keeps texting me, last night she said how she misses me, and doesnt know why she wants to be single and she knows I must hate her, but she still loves me and wishes I wouldn't ignore her.

 

I didnt respond. But bam all she's doing is talking about how happy she is now that she is single on facebook. Im so confused, if she's so happy why the hell does she keep telling me she loves me, and misses me, and all this crap.

 

I dunno sounds pretty hopeless. If she loved me she wouldn't want to be single right? Is this all just a game to her, or she just puttin off a false face that she's happy. :\ All the while she keeps loggin in to check my online dating profiles and stuff. :\

Edited by ccnaboy2000
SlawKing Member

SlawKing

Posted
Posted

If she's texting you saying that she misses you then she misses you. I can't think of a reason she'd tell you that if it wasn't true. She's just putting on a happy face on Facebook. Believe me. I'm doing the same thing right now. I'm miserable without my ex, but all I'll say about it on Facebook is that I'm having so much fun going out to bars with my friends and picking up chicks. Granted, I'm actually doing those things, but I'm still unhappy and I'm sure she is too.

 

I'd say it's time to respond. I wish my ex was telling me how she misses me instead of off rebounding with some new guy.

ShatteredReality Established Member

ShatteredReality

Posted
Posted

Chances are her "happy single life" is a facade and she's truly lonely. If you've been working hard to move on, continue to do that. Continue NC and let it pass, if all she's after is a booty call or someone to cuddle with you don't want to be her fall guy.

 

Of course - I don't at all know the circumstances of your break up - you know better than I do if she's worth your time/energy/heart. And if she got rid of you but only wants you now because she's lonely, how long until that wears off and she gets rid of you again? How long until she finds someone else who makes her feel "unlonely"? Just saying.

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ccnaboy2000 Established Member

ccnaboy2000

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Chances are her "happy single life" is a facade and she's truly lonely. If you've been working hard to move on, continue to do that. Continue NC and let it pass, if all she's after is a booty call or someone to cuddle with you don't want to be her fall guy.

 

Of course - I don't at all know the circumstances of your break up - you know better than I do if she's worth your time/energy/heart. And if she got rid of you but only wants you now because she's lonely, how long until that wears off and she gets rid of you again? How long until she finds someone else who makes her feel "unlonely"? Just saying.

 

Yes well it wasnt a bad breakup at all, we never fought, we just went through some real rough times with me losing my job and all. I got a little depressed and while i loved her I didnt show it as much. SHe was always very needy in the relaitonship. SO I made it a point to cut her off the day this happened. It seems since I told her unless she wanted to work on things again dont contact me again unless, she keeps texting me and calling me, ESPECIALLLY late at night 1am-2am. She keeps visiting my online dating profile, and now saying that stuff, dont know why i wanna be single, i miss you i love you please talk to me.

 

MEH. She changed her status on FB to single a couple friends liked it and shes all "Thanks! I like it too =]" If she likes it so much then damn stop trying to talk to me and tell me you love and miss me.

 

You know a lot of this probably broke too because her moms side of the family hates me, then think since i was laid off and have little income at the moment that I'm not going to be a good guy for her, because they think with their wallets, all they did after i lost my job is sow seed of doubt in her mind. Her dads side of the family loves me, they are way more real. What can ya do, its tough out there job wise.

 

But damn it makes me so confused and depressed. Because it shouldnt have ended, things were in a little rut, but we always had a great time together. It was outta the blue.

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ccnaboy2000 Established Member

ccnaboy2000

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I also love how she's telling her friends on facebook that "he doesnt want to be civil, so he ignores me. Then im totally ok with it =]"

 

Really think that? I mean hey just last night you were saying you love and miss me so much, yadda yadda. I really hope it eats her up inside, this was not my choice. On day 5 of NC, i hope this gets easier for me. and I hope all this stuff she says is just pure crap.

erpderp Member

erpderp

Posted
Posted
I also love how she's telling her friends on facebook that "he doesnt want to be civil, so he ignores me. Then im totally ok with it =]"

 

Really think that? I mean hey just last night you were saying you love and miss me so much, yadda yadda. I really hope it eats her up inside, this was not my choice. On day 5 of NC, i hope this gets easier for me. and I hope all this stuff she says is just pure crap.

 

Delete and block her from your Facebook. Doesn't checking up on social profiles breach NC?

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ccnaboy2000 Established Member

ccnaboy2000

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Delete and block her from your Facebook. Doesn't checking up on social profiles breach NC?

 

Yeah kind of does, I guess I need to follow my own rules. Love your profile name btw. lol. made me laugh

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ccnaboy2000 Established Member

ccnaboy2000

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You know its funny to think about it, every relationship she's been in has been with very controlling or verbally abusive men. One date even raped her. She's got some baggage. Would always talk about how she just wish everyone in her life would go away. She has some bad depression issues. I kind of feel like maybe I was just her euphoria and when things started to get more settled, the depression came back, i noticed it getting worse. :\

 

She always said how I've been so different, I'm a very non-confrontational easy going laid back guy. I never fight, never hit her, never controlled her at all, wanna go hang with friends by yourself? Sure no problem! Never jealous. I know for a fact depsite the last few weeks with my kinda going into a mild depression over the job situation that I treated her better than the handful of other douchebags that dated her. Just hope time will make her see that. :\

 

Lol btw I'm the first guy she's ever dumped. She's always been the one who gets dumped, and she always hangs on to these abusive ass holes. Said she would never dump a guy, she does everything to make it work. Well apparently that only applies to *******s and not nice guys who treat a woman with respect.

Edited by ccnaboy2000
ShatteredReality Established Member

ShatteredReality

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Posted

If you've been broken up less than a week and you WANT her back then you could give it a chance. She's got baggage...but who doesn't? Is her baggage something you're willing to deal with is the real question. Also - what her family thinks of you...well there isn't much you can do about their opinions if they are based off of things you cannot change - like being laid off. You will try to find work and they will have to deal with that. If she's going to let them influence her decisions and how she treats you...that is the important issue. She needs to have her own feelings and opinions about you and not let her family make those decisions for her.

 

As for the FB stuff - it's not NC if you are checking those things. And if you're not answering her she's going to lash out about it. Rejection sucks, even if you deserve it. Don't take her status messages or what she says on those public sites to heart...now, if you make up with her and she continues to talk that way that is a different story. But Ex's are always shady territory and people are more likely to Ex-bash because it's what is socially acceptable these days...even expected. And even though she dumped you, she's probably got some pain in that as well. You can give her another shot or you can continue NC - but REALLY continue NC...none of that half way stuff 8^).

confused31 Member

confused31

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Sounds to me like she has someone shes interested in, but its not official yet. Has to keep you around in case it doesn't work out. Believe me, if a person loved someone, but was unsure if they wanted to be with them, they would try it out WITH the person, not WITHOUT them. I suggest running from her, and seeing if she runs after you. If not, you have your answer quicker than waiting.

strangeways Established Member

strangeways

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She's got baggage...but who doesn't? Is her baggage something you're willing to deal with is the real question.

 

Not sure I agree with this bit. You're right that everyone's got baggage. IMHO it's not whether HE can deal with HER baggage but whether SHE can deal with HER baggage. Doesn't sound she's able and/or willing to.

 

If, as the OP says, she always goes for "very controlling or verbally abusive men" and been raped she most likely has some deep seated emotional issues.

 

You being completely different may have scared her. She's not used to it. She may just not understand "how" to be in a healthy, loving, long term relationship.

 

just a thought.

Edited by strangeways
b_rouse Established Member

b_rouse

Posted
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Truth is, she isn't happy. That's all an act to try to convince herself she's happy. I did it at first with my ex when we broke up. I said, "life is beautiful!" and "today is going to be a good day!" When in reality, I was miserable and my life sucked!

 

I honestly think it's a girl thing, something to get attention with. She does miss you, but she dosen't want her friends to know this.

 

I'm a big believer in communication, so what I'm going to say will breach the NC golden rule:

 

I'd ask her why she's doing this. I mean, the damage is already done, you just have to hope for the best, but also prepare yourself for the worst with what she's going to say. But only do it if you know you're ready!

 

I'm seeing my ex over Christmas to give him back his hoodie, and just get closure. Will it breach NC, yes it will, but I feel as if I'm ready right now to have a conversation face-to-face. He's already done a lot of damage to me, and because of that I've lost so much respect for him. I don't want him back...point blank, I can say it and mean it, I don't want him back...and I'm ok with that.

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