SlawKing Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 (edited) My ex broke up with me about a month and a half ago. We had been going out for almost four years. We'd been going through a rough patch for quite a while and she seemed to be pulling away from me emotionally. I didn't notice until it was too late and she dumped me. We share a dog and I haven't been able to see him for about a month. A week or so after the break-up she started dating someone else and went from being "still friendly" to being cruel and distant. I went through the whole begging and convincing stage and our last conversation went very poorly. After that I went for about a month without contacting her at all. She still has some of my stuff and told me that I wasn't going to be able to see our dog again. Just today I decided that I should send her an email to ask about when I could get my stuff back. I apologized for my part in how poorly the last conversation went and mentioned that I'd really like to see the dog again at some point. I've been working really hard at moving on. I've gotten a new job, lost a lot of weight, got my hair cut short (it used to be long), and have been hanging out with my friends a lot more often, but I still really want her back. Have I ruined a month of "no contact" in one email, or was this acceptable due to the fact that she still has some of my stuff? Edited December 1, 2010 by SlawKing
Ilovecake Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Yes, contact is the opposite of no contact, so when you’re contacting someone you’re not not contacting them. No contact means not contacting someone.
GreenPolicy Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 So this was a bad move then? If you want your possessions back, no. If you want something else, yes. If she wants to get back together she'll let you know. Any other contact is pointless and futile.
GreenPolicy Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Speaking of which, in my situation I felt blindsided by the breakup, especially after we had been discussing marriage and her recent behavior was not noticeably different. That was almost seven weeks ago and she has not made any contact with me since the day she broke things off. Problem is, I have a very nice bike of hers, not some cheap piece of crap made in China. I would think it would cost around $300 or in that ballpark. It's been enough time since the breakup that I am starting to come to terms with the permanence of it and I need to focus my mental energy on moving on. And NC is easy because I don't want to know if she's already moved on to dating again, and any contact that doesn't involve her saying she made a mistake and wants to get back together is painful and futile. But I'm dreading getting an email from her, only to open it up and have my heart sink when all she is contacting me about is the bike. She waited two weeks after the breakup to change her fb status to single. She waited another two weeks after that to remove me from her Yahoo Messenger contacts (I check my yahoo email account when I know she's not likely to be online and saw she removed me as a connection). I wish she had already made arrangements to pick up the bike.
cerridwen Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Just today I decided that I should send her an email to ask about when I could get my stuff back. I apologized for my part in how poorly the last conversation went and mentioned that I'd really like to see the dog again at some point....Have I ruined a month of "no contact" in one email, or was this acceptable due to the fact that she still has some of my stuff? I agree with GreenPolicy about the importance of motivations. If your reason for making contact is because you genuinely want your things and miss your dog (understandable btw), then you didn't "ruin" anything. The problem becomes if you did this with the intention of getting back together--or if you still harbor too many feelings for her for contact to be a good idea. I think there's a point at which you can still want someone back but have accepted it's not going to happen. In that case, there are sometimes practicalities that just have to be dealt with, in which contact is necessary. I can't tell from your post however, if you're at the point of accepting it's over--but just still have feelings.
RyanB Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Speaking of which, in my situation I felt blindsided by the breakup, especially after we had been discussing marriage and her recent behavior was not noticeably different. That was almost seven weeks ago and she has not made any contact with me since the day she broke things off. This is exactly, I mean 100 percent my situation as well! We had been dating for 3 years, finally decided we should look at engagement rings, everything is going well then BAM! I get dumped, and then she doesnt call or anything. Women can be cold sometimes that is foooor sure.
fiat500 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I went through the whole begging and convincing stage and our last conversation went very poorly. Sorry about your situation, SlawKing :\ I've been there. I think if I only had one thing to take away from my recent breakup and carry on to the next relationship is that if a person wants to leave I will never plead or convince them otherwise again. They can go screw themselves once they tell me I mean nothing to them.
Author SlawKing Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 I'm not really at the point where I know we won't ever get back together. Part of me still hopes she'll miss me and come crawling back. I honestly don't think it'll happen, but I still hope that it does. Everything reminds me of her. I don't know. I really miss her, but I also don't think that she misses me. Still breaks my heart, but I'm trying to move past it.
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