jen_r Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Having a little drama here. My bf, if I should even refer to him as that, and I had just gotten back together not too long ago. We're trying to work on things (maybe some of you know from previous posts...family drama & such..), well it seems that I am the only one who is trying to work on things. He was really distant the past 3 days and I really needed someone to just talk to on Monday, I told him I was having a bad day and he didn't ask what was wrong or anything...he just didn't even respond to me. On Tuesday - nothing. He was still being distant. So today, I text him this morning and said "Do you love me anymore??"...and things went from there. He said "Let me as you a question, what would you say if I told you I was going to a holiday party @ Nikki's on Saturday?" Ok...mind you, I haven't heard this girls name the entire time we have been dating, 2 and a half years, and all of sudden she comes into his life and he says "She's an old friend of mine." But, they are like BFF now. I just think its odd, because if roles were reversed, he would question me to death if I had a random male friend come into my life that I never mentioned before. So, I texted him and said "A holiday party? Wouldn't you want to invite your girlfriend with you?" He says "NO, sorry, I don't need to invite you everywhere I go. I want to go alone." So, I got mad and told him I'm not putting up with this anymore and if he goes, he is only showing me that he still has no respect for my feelings. I didn't over-react right? This is a sketchy situation, no? I'm honestly considering breaking up with him over this, it's just one more thing that shows me that he doesn't care about me...
810 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 He says "NO, sorry, I don't need to invite you everywhere I go. I want to go alone." So, I got mad and told him I'm not putting up with this anymore and if he goes, he is only showing me that he still has no respect for my feelings. I didn't over-react right? This is a sketchy situation, no? I'm honestly considering breaking up with him over this, it's just one more thing that shows me that he doesn't care about me... i don't think you need to explain anything to him. just step back, focus on your life and cut all contacts with him. it will hurt but you deserve someone who cares about you and treat you with respect.
Lishy Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 He is either A) Banging Nikki or B) Wants to bang Nikki You need to walk and ignore him and see what happens! Show some self respeect through this and he may realise what he is gonna lose BUT if you flip out he will see you as desperate and jealous Thats just my take tho
Author jen_r Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 Yeah, who knows what is up with him and Nikki, they could just be friends - thats not the point. I think I'm going to just attempt to walk away from this relationship because I don't see him changing or even attempting to change.
Lishy Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Yeah, who knows what is up with him and Nikki, they could just be friends - thats not the point. I think I'm going to just attempt to walk away from this relationship because I don't see him changing or even attempting to change. I have this nagging feeling he was baiting you to finish with him
In The Green Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Tell him to grow a pair and break up with you like a man instead of this shady partying with other girls on the side. Good lord he's a coward and lacking manners. What is with people these days? They'd rather abuse their partner in various ways to get *them* to break up with them then simply telling them it isn't working out. So sick. Not wanting to bring his gf to a party is not acting like a couple at all. Go to some holiday parties yourself, have some fun and find yourself a new guy.
Author jen_r Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 I have this nagging feeling he was baiting you to finish with him I have a feeling you hit the nail on the head. Tell him to grow a pair and break up with you like a man instead of this shady partying with other girls on the side. Good lord he's a coward and lacking manners. What is with people these days? They'd rather abuse their partner in various ways to get *them* to break up with them then simply telling them it isn't working out. So sick. Not wanting to bring his gf to a party is not acting like a couple at all. Go to some holiday parties yourself, have some fun and find yourself a new guy. I would love to meet someone else...wish it was that easy! I just hope this whole fisaco doesn't putter a damper on the holidays - like he did last year. Oyyy. It is deffinetly time to put a bullet in this relationship.
Lishy Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I have a feeling you hit the nail on the head. I would love to meet someone else...wish it was that easy! I just hope this whole fisaco doesn't putter a damper on the holidays - like he did last year. Oyyy. It is deffinetly time to put a bullet in this relationship. Hang on ... DONT break up with him, dont tell him its over and dont confront him about Nikki or anything else. Just be aloof and dont contact him at all and defo do not meet up with him. The thing is this, men have a great desire to be wanted and needed and if you start raving on about this and that and he IS seeing this Nikki one then he will just go to her saying "oh she is saying this and that" Dont give him that, 2 girls wanting him Dont end it and just see what happens ... act cool and aloof and keep convo's short and do not show any needy behaviour! If he is trying to bait you to make his own life easy then dont play his game!
Author jen_r Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 Hang on ... DONT break up with him, dont tell him its over and dont confront him about Nikki or anything else. Just be aloof and dont contact him at all and defo do not meet up with him. The thing is this, men have a great desire to be wanted and needed and if you start raving on about this and that and he IS seeing this Nikki one then he will just go to her saying "oh she is saying this and that" Dont give him that, 2 girls wanting him Dont end it and just see what happens ... act cool and aloof and keep convo's short and do not show any needy behaviour! If he is trying to bait you to make his own life easy then dont play his game! Well, I sent him a text an hour ago saying "You can end this if i'm not what you want and I can promise you that I will not chase you or beg for you to come back". This crap has been going on for so long, I always beg for him to come back. He thinks he can do as he pleases with no consequences because I am ALWAYS here. If he actually goes there on Saturday then I am done with him. My emotions are so out of whack these days, if you only knew the sh** he put me through a few months ago, I'm up - I'm down. If he sees that I am bothered by this and I think it is rude that he is not inviting me and yet he still says that he is going - then he is just showing me that he doesn't value me. So you don't think I should actually break up with him? I should just kind of disappear?
Lishy Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Well, I sent him a text an hour ago saying "You can end this if i'm not what you want and I can promise you that I will not chase you or beg for you to come back". This crap has been going on for so long, I always beg for him to come back. He thinks he can do as he pleases with no consequences because I am ALWAYS here. If he actually goes there on Saturday then I am done with him. My emotions are so out of whack these days, if you only knew the sh** he put me through a few months ago, I'm up - I'm down. If he sees that I am bothered by this and I think it is rude that he is not inviting me and yet he still says that he is going - then he is just showing me that he doesn't value me. So you don't think I should actually break up with him? I should just kind of disappear? What you really need to ask yourself honey is why you are putting up with this treatment! You are laying on the floor and letting him wipe his feet on you ... are you not worth more than this? And is it worth all the drama for a guy who does not seem to care about your feelings?
Author jen_r Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 What you really need to ask yourself honey is why you are putting up with this treatment! You are laying on the floor and letting him wipe his feet on you ... are you not worth more than this? And is it worth all the drama for a guy who does not seem to care about your feelings? Exactly, I know I am worth and deserving of more. I don't understand how he can treat me like this though. But, I feel in my heart that I don't want to be with him anymore - I'm just afraid of how hard this is going to be to actually let go...but I want to.
curlygirl40 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 You teach people how to treat you. He's treating you this way because you're allowing it. And also instead of having some dignity and self respect you're saying 'you can end this if you want....' screw him and what he wants. You need to gather the courage and do what's right for you. Get angry. Do what you need to do. And enjoy the holidays and the New Year as a single girl who's possiblities are endless, as a single girl who has some respect for herself. He sucks. You deserve better.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Why wait until Saturday to decided whether you would dump him or not, go NC right now. I agree with Lishy, don't give him the benefit of making him feel like he's important, as long as your heart's dead for him, play a little game. Let's see how he feels when he comes back begging.
paleblue Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I think you were pretty light on him. No mention of this girl for 2 1/2 years?? and now they are BFF's??? Really?? I thought you were supposed to be his BFF. Something is up. What ever it is, it doesnt feel good. And that's not how someone who loves you would treat you. It's like he wants you to wear a "Kick Me!" sign when you are around him. The most awesome thing that you could do right now is immediately call him up, dump him short and sweet and mean it, and then never, ever talk to him again. Because this Nicki girl, isn't going away. And if that's the case, than that's what he is telling you not in so many words. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][FONT=Arial]That's my two cents. [/FONT] [/sIZE][/FONT]
Author jen_r Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 Why wait until Saturday to decided whether you would dump him or not, go NC right now. I agree with Lishy, don't give him the benefit of making him feel like he's important, as long as your heart's dead for him, play a little game. Let's see how he feels when he comes back begging. I'm going to go NC. I guess I'm gonna do it for me, because it's not a punishment for him...I don't think he would care less if I called him up right now and said it's over. He'd probably feel a bit relieved. I think you were pretty light on him. No mention of this girl for 2 1/2 years?? and now they are BFF's??? Really?? I thought you were supposed to be his BFF. Something is up. What ever it is, it doesnt feel good. And that's not how someone who loves you would treat you. That's my two cents. Exactly, thats odd right? He seems to think it is quite fine. He said "If you're not okay with me having female friends, then we have a problem." Umm, no I'm okay with that @$$hole, but not NEW female friends that come out of nowhere land. You teach people how to treat you. He's treating you this way because you're allowing it. And also instead of having some dignity and self respect you're saying 'you can end this if you want....' screw him and what he wants. You need to gather the courage and do what's right for you. Get angry. Do what you need to do. And enjoy the holidays and the New Year as a single girl who's possiblities are endless, as a single girl who has some respect for herself. He sucks. You deserve better. I don't have the courage to just end it. I just want it to be over and months passed! Your right that you teach people how to treat you and I know that I have taught him that he can treat me horribly and that I will always be here and I'm not exactly sure why I let that happen.
Author jen_r Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Well...it's over. I'm going to need the jaws of life to keep me from contacting him, ha. No, this time I'm really going to stick to it. I can't keep putting myself through this. I'm scared of being lonely & maybe thats why I've held on for so long....but, I guess I have to deal with it in order to regain some sanity and dignity. It's so crazy...because I KNOW he has treated me awful....why did I stay with him? It baffles me. If anyone came to me telling me these stories of their boyfriend I would tell them they were CRAZY to be with him. Hmm...this reminds me of last christmas. Thanks Jared, u sure know how to ruin the holidays.
paleblue Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 sorry jen. it always sucks, so does feeling lonely, but one thing that's worse is being treated like dirt by someone andthem taking advantage of you. i think the best you can do right now is go no contact -for yourself. F him. you know it can be better with someone than this.
Author jen_r Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 sorry jen. it always sucks, so does feeling lonely, but one thing that's worse is being treated like dirt by someone andthem taking advantage of you. i think the best you can do right now is go no contact -for yourself. F him. you know it can be better with someone than this. I'm terribly afraid of not finding a real connection with someone else. I hate dating and starting to get to know someone...ahhh, whatever, tis life - right? I'm going to delete all aspects of him right now. Because I really, REALLY, need to cut ties with this guy. It just hurts that he will have no problem cutting ties with me...heartless.
paleblue Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 ya, tis life, but new connections do happen.trust me! you are better off trying to meet someone new that actually is interested in you. cause it's the best! and they are out there. after the smokes clears you'll feel good about getting out of an unhealthy relationship with him. especially after you meet someone better.
Recommended Posts