swfc_77 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 i cant get the bitch out of my head, even after she did i feel i need to be there for her. i'v stupidly tx her again today like a nob asking if she got to work ok with all the snow, just habbit i cant seem to break. i am holding the only thing left she bought me a watch which cost around £200 and feel like puttin a hammer through it. why do i feel like this, i feel stuck and cant move on took so much effort and time and energy to let this girl into my life snd home. i keep thinking i was not good enough for her which drives me ****ing mad.
IfiKnewThen Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 i had a guy who cared about my welfare before and i would give anything if he'd ask how i am. he sorta did up until a few weeks ago. he ONLY did b/c i thought i had met someone else and he was nosey and curious. but he used to actually CARE. he seems to have someone he talks to everyday. i wrote him a note telling him there was no one and sent it to him unfortunately the same day he went to mexico to see this girl. i havent heard from him since and he sees me on the computer everyday and still says nothing. anyway getting back to you. i understand your utter frustration. putting years into someone..then its all undone and that act like it never existed in the 1st place. i do hope that she rethinks things on your end and remembers the good. like contacting her in bad weather. maybe just give it time. some would say youre being too nice to her but i think if she was upset with you it might warrent niceness now anyway. if it doesnt work...back off. dont smash the watch. take it off and hide it. so you dont have to be reminded. have a decent day if you can. hang in there
IfiKnewThen Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 i meant to say "HE" thought i met someone else:rolleyes:
Author swfc_77 Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 watch is gone in the bin, glass all over. im going ****ing mental here. why after all the ****ing effort i put in would she reject me like a piece of ****.
alwayshoping Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 watch is gone in the bin, glass all over. im going ****ing mental here. why after all the ****ing effort i put in would she reject me like a piece of ****. hey swfc77 are you okay? quite worried about you after all these posts. I know its hard but as you once told me: you dont truely want to be with her, you want to be with what you thought she was! You know your so much better than this. It doesnt mean you have to stop caring for her but tbh you know the snow isnt going to kill her and just made a good excuse to text her, another ego boost for someone that doesnt need one. You need an ego boost! Dude your amazing and can do so much better, just dont rush it. You are going to find someone amazing. It just needs alittle time and you need to start feeling happy as a single person first. Someone will see how good you are as a single man and snap you up. To conclude, they are going to treat you like the only guy in the world and your going to wonder why you ever wasted time on this silly lady that didnt appreciate you! On a side note its nearly 12 wks NC for me, and its hurting like hell! I wanted to text my ex today to see if shes okay with the snow too! But then i thought why hasnt she text me whilst i have been going through hell, and decided against it because until she cares i will have to keep my emotions hidden from her. Oh i checked her FB not good! Her and her best mate looking so happy! Oh well! at least someone is happy right! Anyways swfc77 i hope your feeling better and try get the watch fixed. It is a good memory to keep hold of. Im still keeping the most important thing my ex gave me not because i want her back but just so I dont feel the last three years were a complete waste! lol always helps to remember the good times. I hope your feeling alittle better matey. Im here if you need anything. Always x
alwayshoping Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 ps she didnt reject you. She just decided you were not exactly what she wanted right now. Thats a good thing. Imagine if it happened after you guys got married or god forbid had children etc. You have to just believe things worked out for the best. Hard to believe, i know, but sometimes when your stood so close to a painting its hard to see the big picture, give it time, take a step back, and go out and get to know yourself again, I mean your true self, not the guy who dated your ex, because your going to end up finding that they are completely different people, and the former is so much better and nicer.
Leandro Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 i cant get the bitch out of my head, even after she did i feel i need to be there for her. i'v stupidly tx her again today like a nob asking if she got to work ok with all the snow, just habbit i cant seem to break. I know how you feel swfc. When it starts raining really bad down here, I start to worry about her and want to ask if she's ok. But she hasn't asked me anything, so why should I? You made a mistake, we all do it. Restart NC and stick to it.
Author swfc_77 Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 im just tired, nothing seems to get her out of my head. just feel tossed aside, that watch was the last thing i had she bought me of any value, it did have sentementle value and good memories but they were fake. i think im just about over the break up but its the way she treated me that hurts still, how can people be so ****.ing cruel, heartless and change so quickly. the story with the watch was i woke up in march on my birhtday and i'd been asking for this watch for weeks. we'd been to a lot of shops but nobody seemed to stock it anyway she appeared on the morning of my b'day with my breakfast and this watch, such happy emotions i'v never felt before. trouble is everytime i looked at this watch i just remembered that day. like i say im just tired this year has been really hard for me, so many up and down emotions, how did i get it so wrong with someone why did i put so much love, time and energy into this girl who in the end treat my feelings like a yo yo. there's no shame with her either, she's come out scott free no scars, no wounds. im left here with what little trust i put into people ruined, im ashamed. i feel like i spent the last 2 years building this life, this relationship which is for TWO and im sat here ALONE. like im left behind, to pick the pieces up i know its wrong but i wish she could feel 1% of the pain im feeling and then she might realise what distruction she has caused in my life. i know things were not perfect for us she wroked hard as i did but it was all part of the master plan, i just miss having her there to love and really i dont have the energy to do that again with anyone for a long time. i dont want her back, i dont know where she has been, i have taken her back once after another man had touched her that took alot out of me which again people dont understand. she txs me when she wants, when she miss's me a bit, when she feels like **** which isn't often with the cold hearted bitch. if i tx her everytime i missed her, felt crap i would be on my phone 24/7 and the only reon she tx me is because she feels guilty like i need the fu...ckin sympathy.
alwayshoping Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 i know you think dumpers dont feel pain, but they do. If not now then in the future. Its not a consolation but the people who do the dumping dont know what they want. I realised today when my ex tried to make contact its taken her nearly 90 days to miss me. Why? im guessing some guy messed with her or perhaps she just genuinely misses me. Either way that means they do start to hurt in the end, the only pity is after such time has passed bye the dumpee has moved on or at leasts wants too. try not to feel down swfc77. I begged for a watch with my ex and never got one! The most I have to show for my relationship is some aftershave which i dont like! haha at least it means i wont use it though. Be strong old friend, this is just the rollacoaster talking, in a few days you will feel better and wonder why the hell you even text her. Its hard and your clearly not ready but in time you will love again and someone will prove that they deserve your love back.
Author swfc_77 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 i think whats hurting/bugging me most is that even after everything she has put me through i still care for the girl. after the cancelled holiday, getting with someone else last year, std's, lies, utter dis-respect i still care for her and i cant understand why? anyone who saw this relationship pan out would say she was a bas-tard to me and she was, everyone i talk to say this and they also cant understand why i still have feelings for her.
Gt.ooh Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I hate to admit it, but sounds like me the last few days.. I have her new number, and I just want to bombared her with txts as I know she needs the number for school (clients)...so she would have to deal with me. She doesn't know I have it, and I would just love to get under her skin....after so much disrespect. I feel you swfc. You've given me some good advice along the way, and it's a shame your headed through another rough patch. My advice as much as I've repeated and I know you've heard it: Don't overthink things, it's a b*tch I know, just like your ex, and if I were you I'd go to your local gun range (if you have one) and shoot a shotgun. To me, I've never shot a gun, but I would like to think it would be a good rush and stress reliever. It might be a little extreme, as I don't know you per say, but I thought something like that might help because it sounds like you need to release some stress. Hang in there man.
IfiKnewThen Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 why did i put so much love, time and energy into this girl who in the end treat my feelings like a yo yo. there's no shame with her either, she's come out scott free no scars, no wounds. wow i know exactly how you feel. he acts like i am not even alive now. he has a muse for 6 months now. he acted like we didnt go out with each other for 10 years. how can he act like i dont even exist now. its sooooooooo soo painful. it baffles my mind everyday. but he was great to me during the relationship, so i feel worse than ever for being the one to lose him. i messed up. and he had no trouble reminding me of that no matter how sorry i was. (and no i didnt cheat). i had a poor attitude from stress. now stress is even harder to handle without him. wish i showed any of my appreciation. anyway i know what its like when you think wow...dont they feel anything? miss anything? we did have good times too. hurts so bad. i am trying so hard to move on. i want to contact him and just talk like friends like we used to. i just dont want to hear about her. pray be stong and read mcgrupps post. ti made me cry and gave me hope
IfiKnewThen Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t244265/?highlight=mcgrupp read this. one of the most helpful posts i have read. i am still a work in progress...big time tho
Author swfc_77 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 ifiknewthen cheers for that its a good read i dont know what stage im at, i do go out everynight for a beer. last week i went to a rave, refused any drugs which 3 years ago was not me. i ended up on stage with some big name mc's and dj's havin a dance and a jig i really enjoyed myself. but its snowing here in england i cant get to work, im bored. i think thats why i cracked yesterday, i tx her asking if she got to work ok, the watch is gone she knows and to be honest i dont really care. i got 2 really attractive girls numbers at this rave, but i haven't got the energy to take anyone out yet, they were a lot better lookin than my ex too. i am moving to holland in january on my own, i just want to get out there now, i would go tomorrow if i got the call. i want to move on so bad and so quick the time isn't going quick enough plus we have xmas comin up which this year i just cant be arsed. i remember i split up with a girl when i was 17 she was 15 we were together for 1 yr it wasn't love but when we split i used it to make myself better i went on to set my own business up and became a good dj around these parts. some days i feel over her then days like yesterday i feel too much is changing too fast.
smk Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 this is the anger stage and i can assure you that most if not all us on here have been through it... we all have different ways of dealing with it - in your case it was smashing the watch, in my case it was being the biggest a-hole to my friends and family, and others have different ways of dealing with it... the most important thing at this stage is to not let the anger consume you - i know its not easy and sometimes it seems easier to just let it out and do things - but always remember that every action has a reaction... whenever you feel the anger coming up go for a run, hit the gym and let all your frustrations out there - and you know what it will A) let the anger out and b) you will look better... as for texting her - mate delete he number and go NC - i know its hard sometimes you have questions and you want answers, but TBH by being in contact all you will do is slow down the healing process. GO NC - and focus on yourself buddy and remember the only thing that will truly heal a broken heart is time... and trust me over time you will start to think about her less & less until one day you will wake and you will even make it a few days without thinking of her... then one day you will go out and find other girls attractive and you wont compare them to her... use this time to focus on yourself buddy... good luck...
Author swfc_77 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 another thing i cant understand is that im acting like i want another chance, i gave her another chance and she threw it back in my face. we have done the second chance thing even after she went with some1 else. my feelings generally go like this - i think about her, miss her touch, smile and so on i thik about whats she's doing and if she's ok then i think about how she hooked up with some 4 days after we split the first time back in april/may, how she gave me an std from this scrubber, how i let her back way too easy and the utter dis-respect she showed my family and me. and i realise we already gave it another go and it didn't work. but every time my phone rings i hope its her, every time i get a tx i hope its her, every time someone bangs on my door ( usually the nieghbours about the music ) ........ i hope its her. she tx me sunday saying thank you for loving me and caring for me and that she wouldn't contact me ever again and to give the cat a big kiss from her, and then i sent some txs yesterday and got angry when she didn't reply. what did i expect?
Author swfc_77 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 if she came to my house now and begged me to have a relationship and tell me she has changed i would say NO and this is the truth. i dont know where she's been, who has touched her, the girl doesn't mess about when it comes to getting a bloke, she wanted to come around a few weeks ago but i would feel sick even looking at her, touching her or even letting her into my house would not be an option. so i said no-way so why do i still crave some sort of attention from this girl
strangeways Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 (edited) Mate, I hate to see you like this. Just because you don't want her doesn't mean you're not still attached to her. It's natural even though it seems contradictory. I'm guessing it's because you're still having some level of contact with her. You seriously need to get back on the NC wagon immediately. You need to cut that cord now. For good. However hard it seems. I've been almost 10 weeks NC for me, not a peep from my ex. At the beginning it made me depressed that she never contacted me but now I can see it's for the best. I feel so much better. Still miss her sometimes and feel the pain but it's getting less and less as the weeks go by. I don't feel the need to bore the s**t out of friends/family about it anymore. If she contacted me now she'd get nothing from me whatever she had to say and there's no way on Gods earth that I'll ever contact her. NC=clarity (for me at least). Just takes time and effort. Trust me, it gets easier. You've had a relapse, or rather you're cycling through the stages again which is, again, natural. That's all. Chalk it up to experience. Next time she contacts you or you want to contact her take a deep breath, remember how you're feeling now and step away from that phone (or smash it up if you're still angry). Seriously, if I can do it so can you. Edited December 2, 2010 by strangeways
Author swfc_77 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 what i did to that watch just shows how much i want her out of my life so much, the girl is so selfish i cant believe. i'v never met anyone out there like that i wasn't even sure people like that existed maybe only in bad dreams. maybe thats why im so ashamed, because i thought i had a good judge of character and it turns out i dont. i just want to start moving on with my life and regain the confidence i once had, aswell as the dreams i once chased
strangeways Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 what i did to that watch just shows how much i want her out of my life so much, the girl is so selfish i cant believe. i'v never met anyone out there like that i wasn't even sure people like that existed maybe only in bad dreams. maybe thats why im so ashamed, because i thought i had a good judge of character and it turns out i dont. i just want to start moving on with my life and regain the confidence i once had, aswell as the dreams i once chased OK. I don't think that smashing that watch up shows you want her out of your life (even though I know you do). It shows how angry you are with yourself for allowing yourself to be misled AND for breaking NC. Perfectly natural. Sometimes our people pickers get messed up especially if someone masks who they are to be "acceptable"/attractive to you. Some people are just c**ts and it's easy to spot. Some people are like chameleons. They're the ones we have to be careful of. I know, I've been there and so have a lot of people on LS. Forgive yourself, forgive her (don't tell her you do). NC helps with this believe me. I know exactly how you feel. You can't believe there's people out there like that because you're not like that and you wouldn't s**t on someone like she did to you. But now you've learnt a valuable lesson. Keep that in mind in the future. You know what I'm going to say next and you know it's true. NC. I posted this description of NC to another thread tonight. I think it's great. It's from an old LS post: "We want closure which is never going to come in a way that we want, but we can find closure by No Contact. We want to be heard, want them to know the pain they've caused, but they are never going to listen, and if they do, they don't hear the words. What we often miss is the beauty of "No Contact." You are finally saying No More. It is your voice without the words, but they hear it loud and clear as if you screamed from the top of your lungs - "Go to Hell." No Contact is your pure and sweet rejection. It is empowering. It is your last word. It is your closure. It is one of the most hurtful narcissistic injuries you could inflict. They have finally come to understand you know just who and what they are. They know the tricks do not work anymore. They know you are no longer prey or a pawn in their game. It is your last word." Read it EVERYTIME you think of breaking NC. Stay strong mate.
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