Crimson107 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Is the concept of working things out just a fantasy? It's like one minute she sites all our problems as a reason to be done. I tell her I will let her go then for her happiness and then she acts mad like I am giving up. I don't want to lose the marriage. I really want to work it out. We made great love on thanksgiving and it seemed for a moment that we could work it out. But then other problems and issues came back. (like my parents have decided to be verbal to the kids and causing my wife to be extremely uncomfortable with them) She tells me she loves me but has left her ring with me and doesn't wear it anymore. Drawing the line just feels like I am saying I don't want to be married anymore. I don't know how to be strong and take charge when I am depressed and the weight of the world is on my shoulders to make the best decisions for kids, her, us, me, family, jobs, Christmas time.... I am soo overwhelmed. I don't feel like I am good to anybody
strength-abounds Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Having experienced the "let's work it out" phase of a divorce, the answer is yes for a fantasy. All she is trying to do is lessen the pain and guilt for her when she tells you she wants a divorce. You are good for somebody. Never let another human being make you feel unlovable.
2sure Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Her back and forth non commitment to working it out or divorcing is acceptable and understandable for a short time ...but the fact that she wants you to be fully committed to whatever her whims are...is nuts. Stop letting her drive the bus. Take some control or at least take it away from her. She is either not capable of making such important life choices or does not want to.
Author Crimson107 Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 Her back and forth non commitment to working it out or divorcing is acceptable and understandable for a short time ...but the fact that she wants you to be fully committed to whatever her whims are...is nuts. Stop letting her drive the bus. Take some control or at least take it away from her. She is either not capable of making such important life choices or does not want to. Taking charge in my depression is like telling the earth to spin the other way
What_Next Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I am not familiar with your complete story but I can share my experience. My wife cheated, I then got into a relationship of sorts with another woman. That is the REAL condensed version of the events, but it is what happened in a nutshell. About a month ago I went to her and told her I would give her a chance. It's been up and down to say the least. I've laid out ground rules and for the most part she's followed them. Now the ring thing, I also wore mine when I first gave her the chance, now I warned her I might take it offf. I have. I might in time put it back on but for now I do not wear it. I'd like to say I have remained 100% committed and going in a straight line in the past month, well I have NOT. It is almost impossible to. This puts a tremendous amount of pressure on my wife, I know that. However, I have to be true to my emotions. Some days I feel as though we will make it and some days I feel as though we won't and I don't even want to try. That's just the way it is.
2sure Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Taking charge in my depression is like telling the earth to spin the other way I hear that. I'm thinking about something though , that happened to me and think the concept relates. My teenage daughter got it into her head that every time she was angry with me she wanted to go live with her dad. This would hurt me and concern me because at her age...it was an option, but not a good one. So, I would try to communicate with her , have a better relationship, make her want to stay with me. Thing is...sometimes there is no reasoning with a teenage girl and she continued to throw this threat at me because she knew it would break my heart. So, one day I just got entirely fed up - with the arguing, the conflicts, the back and forth, the threat, the walking on eggshells. And I told her to pack. I told her get out, this is my life too , the only one I have and I will not allow you to force this garbage on me. Go, in fact - staying here is no longer an option. Call him right now. Tell him to register you at another school. I'll see you every other weekend. Had we made this change I would have been devastated, but I saw no other way of moving forward. She stayed and never brought it up again and the thing is: I honestly think she was relieved to have had the turmoil of that decision put to bed. Now, I know this is not a teenage conflict but sometimes a persons decision making and communication skills do not match their age or experience. You get it.
Surfer203 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Parts of your story sound a lot like mine. I am having the carrot dangled in front of me.. the only difference is that I did not get any Thanksgiving sex.. haha. All I got was a crappy call and some awkward moments. Keep being strong. It seems women love to play with your emotions, keep you thinking that things can work and then doing or saying things that take all of those feelings away. Best of luck.
Iconoclast Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Taking charge in my depression is like telling the earth to spin the other way My friend, taking charge is your shortest path out of depression. You are depressed because you feel powerless. Time to seize some power. Easier said than done, but must be done.
sirweasles Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 My advise and bare in mind im trying to take this aswell start living life with out her talk to her when she talks to you be nice and never be anything but the man she fell in love with when you are hurting tell her you are goin out for awhile but dont let her know your hurting. give her the impression that you can go on and be the best person you can be if she sees the man she fell in love with again she will most likely make alot of effert to be back with him.
Author Crimson107 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 My friend, taking charge is your shortest path out of depression. You are depressed because you feel powerless. Time to seize some power. Easier said than done, but must be done. So what does taking charge actually mean? My wife wants me to treat her better and love her more like she deserves. She blames me for her unhappiness and it drives me crazy. I am broke and broken hearted. Ready for God to start comforting me.
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