How can I get my ex girlfriend back?

[cookieeater]

I met the love of my life about two years ago online. I love her more than anything, and would want nothing more than to be with her.

 

 

She lives on a complete other continent, but that didn’t stop us from being in a relationship. However, it all went downhill when she had the added pressure of living somewhere she isn’t comfortable because she constantly is feeling judged. She broke up on valentines’ day with me, yet still celebrated our anniversary the month after. So it was like we still were in a relationship till recently. Fights got worse. I tried the no contact rule, but all it did was make her try to make things work with some other guy. We use to talk (using our microphones and webcams) every single day, but now we hardly talk.

 

She is going trough depression issues, so when I have tried to comfort her she has said things like:

Why are you bein so god damn pushy?

I have asked you repeatably to stop asking if something was bothering me.

You won't listen.

This is a reason why i cannot tell you things.

and other times I'm there comforting her by making her tears stop.

Sometimes she is okay and even flirts with me even after saying that she wants boundaries. Yesterday she was flirting with me and when I asked her why she said:

 

I just wanted to give you a kiss.

Giving a kiss because you have an un-existant owwies and i had to kiss it is not pushing boundaries.

I just thought you'd appreciate it.

I know.

And i said sorry.

It won't happen again.

I did push bounderies.

And it was wrong.

I thought you'd want me to.

I had no other reason.

Idk why.

Okay.

I do not know why.

and sometimes we are all love dubby.

 

 

She tells me that she doesn’t want a relationship with me and if something happens when me meet it’ll happen, but just two months ago she wanted to marry me. She still sometimes says:

I love you

Then today she questioned me about the loan I was going to give her to get a car, but when I told her it might not be a good idea because we fight sometimes and we should wait till things are good. She got upset and said things like:

 

 

Because you push me so much.

All we ever have are conversations i don't want.

Why can't you let it be easy.

And let it not be so ****ing serious.

The only serious thing i want is a relationship because i am ready for one. I do not want anything to be complicated if it's not needed or even necessary.

 

 

I love her so much that she even admits that I love and care for her more than anyone else. I know she loves me, but I don’t know what to do. I give her space then she gets upset that I walk out on her. I try to be there for her and she tells me I'm to pushy. Please I greatly would appreciate some advice. I love her.

[USCGAviator]

I would try the local dating scene.

[cookieeater]

Thanks for the advice, but I love her too much to not have her in my life.

 

:/

 

Maybe I'm naive. But I just can't.

[Livelovelearn]

cookieeater,

the things your girlfriend has said to you are things my ex has said to me. being pushy, never being able to carry a normal convo or whatnot. i think these are signs of someone confused of what they want. i think they rather have you sit back and go with the flow, so they can figure it out without the pressure behind them. however i do think you should prepare for the worst just in case she decides against the relationship, it is a possibility. my ex and i talk now, but its over text mainly and i try not to bring up any talks about our past relationship unless it was somthing funny or really fun. it doesnt add stress and it makes them talk to you more because they figure your not crying over them (makes it less awkward i guess). so maybe you should step back for a bit but open contact with her, just be happy and try to enjoy yourself. happy people are very attractive and if she is down, she will definately see the happiness in you and it will attract her back. thats my 2 cents.

[cookieeater]

Thank you so very much for your advice. I really am trying to work on being more patient and un-pushy, but as soon as my emotions get to me they get flushed straight down the toilet. It’s very comforting knowing that there are people who are in the same situation. The only thing as you may already know, is waiting around, yet remaining patient. I guess she rather let things take their course because she has said to me:

At least.

And i don't doubt, that maybe when we are chilling together,

something may or may not happen,

And to be honest, i wouldn't mind either way.

Because i love you as a friend, and i love you as more.

Sometimes she lets me comfort her when she’s sad and others she tells me I’m breaking boundaries. Just how do you keep yourself from being pushy?

[Livelovelearn]

I honestly say you need to put a scare into this girl. She feels she can have you anytime she wants and the things she is doing to you is obviously giving you mixed signals. I would say back off, give her some space and go out , talk to women and get to know them more. Regain that confidence! but dont go looking for a rebound. People with confidence attract others, and your ex may find that she can take advantage of you. So go out there and build your self esteem. You'll see how fast she'll come running back when you arent there messaging her or worry yourself over her. People always want what they cant have, its sad but true. Try to ease your mind as well, do not focus on her, focus on you!

[LondonS]

I would try the local dating scene.

 

exactly... Long distance is hard work

[cookieeater]

Sadly it’s true that as soon as she wants or needs me I’m there in a flash, but the guilt gets to me. I am trying to take your advice and focusing on myself. I am just so confused how she went from being in love me to only wanting to be just friends so quickly. Thanks so much for your advice. I am trying, but it’s so much easier said than done. I was going to send her this amazing care package for the holidays because I had promised I would make it the best Christmas ever, but would this just be stupid? Or is it okay if I get her something just small instead:/. I had already promised I would and don’t want to take it back or make it into a big deal because that would just make me seem like a douche.

 

Then today I was talking to her and she was trying to flirt with me but I just tried to keep acting normal, but its only making her try harder. Pretending that I am fine with just being friends is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

[cookieeater]

Long distance is hard, but it does make you appreciate a lot.:/

[Livelovelearn]

Sadly it’s true that as soon as she wants or needs me I’m there in a flash, but the guilt gets to me. I am trying to take your advice and focusing on myself. I am just so confused how she went from being in love me to only wanting to be just friends so quickly. Thanks so much for your advice. I am trying, but it’s so much easier said than done. I was going to send her this amazing care package for the holidays because I had promised I would make it the best Christmas ever, but would this just be stupid? Or is it okay if I get her something just small instead:/. I had already promised I would and don’t want to take it back or make it into a big deal because that would just make me seem like a douche.

 

Then today I was talking to her and she was trying to flirt with me but I just tried to keep acting normal, but its only making her try harder. Pretending that I am fine with just being friends is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

 

Just focus on you, when you stop truly worrying about her, she'll sense it and come sniffing around. Its true, it is confusing to think how the person who loved you so much all a sudden doesnt feel that way anymore. Well it wasnt sudden and most likely she started to feel this way and never bothered to communicate to you about it. Leaving you to think it was sudden. Over time i realized that people change, yes even those who we love so much. Change is inevitable it comes when we least expect it and it affects those who we think would love us forever and never do anything to hurt us. Unfortunately its not like that at all, things happen in our lives and their lives that change them and they truly only know why they have a change of heart. Space and time apart is good. You just have to be strong and fill your days with other things you love to do. Also i would suggest you do not send her the gift unless she was giving you one because it shows you will still be there for her, give her things, its like having a boyfriend but not having to commit to him while getting the benefits of it. My ex sometimes askes me to borrow money because he knows id do anything for him and i recently told him i cannot afford to give him anything so now he knows that he cant take advantage of me. So keep the gifts to yourself for now, just wish her a merry christmas its good enough! The way i see it is you have two options, you can maintain your emotions and be friends but maintain your cool ,do not bug her and give space or you can tell her you cant handle it and cut her off and start no contact! you choose! good luck

[cookieeater]

Thank you very much for your advice. I tried to follow it, but it only lasted for a day. By the second day she freaked out on me. She said stuff like:

Seriously what?

You don't say hi.

You don't ****ing act the same.

What is it?

Why are you treating me differently?

When I explained to her that I am treating her like a friend and mistakenly commented how she had moved on she said stuff like:

Who says i have moved on?

I am single am i not?

What does antyhing i do with anybody else a reason for you to treat me not even like a friend?

So all the promises you made now don't matter?

Ummmmm? Whether i am with somebody doesn't mean we wouldn't be friends?

I still want to live with you..

I just said i am still going to live with you to be roomates...

When I asked her if she didn’t like me treating her normal. She said:

No i do not.

I am special.

And when I said am I the only one the only one that showers her in specialness. She said:

:9 Sadly yes

So I guess I am just going to stay calm, attempt to be patient, try not to push her and give her space when she wants it. Guess we are exchanging gifts. I know I need to be as strong as you were to turn your ex away, but seeing her depressed and knowing I could do something to change that kills me. If she is still wants to move in with me and in that sense is planning on having a future mean. Could she possibly just want to be friends before moving in and if something happens go on from there? I am so confused.

[Bridgey]

I think it is really wrong of her to string you along like this. She know's you love her and if she wanted to be with you she could, but she chooses not to be. But she still gets mad at you for not acting like a BF? It sounds like she has no idea what she wants, and it is not ok for you to drag you down with her. She is only thinking of her feelings, not yours, and that is not healthy for a relationship. As of right now you are not her BF, so I would not suggest acting like you are. If she doesn't figure out what she wants soon, you are most likely going to waste a lot of emotion on her, and end up heart broken. Think about what is best for you right now. Focus on your wants and needs. Get out and enjoy life!

[cookieeater]

I think it is really wrong of her to string you along like this. She know's you love her and if she wanted to be with you she could, but she chooses not to be.

 

Thank you. You make out so many value points, but I feel helpless. It’s like I am being held onto with a string; whenever I try to just treat her like a friend she knows how to get me (sometimes even guilt) into showing her how special she is to me. She tells me what she wants is constantly changing, but it’s her life so she is allowed to be as confusing as she wants. Yet she still wants to be roommates. I just want to be happy, and when she’s happy and things are great between us I couldn’t be happier. It sounds lame, but I have fallen in love with her so deeply. She wasn’t just my girlfriend she was my best friend. But she can’t keep playing with my feelings. If I can’t treat her like my girlfriend and I can’t treat her like a friend. How should I treat her?

[DuskCrush]

Listen cookieeater...do you really want to get her back?

Then you need to do the following:

 

1) You need to break off contact with her.

It is very important. Tell her you don't want to be friends. Don't be nice. Don't give an inch. Don't tell her she is special. Don't tell her you care or anything. The minute you do that she will go back to --Not wanting to be with you. Keep it short. Keep it simple.

 

Now this is the hard part: you really do need to maintain no contact. As hard as it might be...as much as you want to talk to her...be strong....just think of the reward at the end.

It can be as long as two months...so be prepared to go two months without her. I know it's hard but it's not really that long a time.

 

2) Get your mind off her...do stuff...focus elsewhere. It is really important that you don't come across as if your faking it.

 

3) Also, if you have internet accounts...two week slater post some pictures of yourself having fun with other.

 

Just trust me and do these things. JUST DO THESE THINGS.

Check back with me for more guidance after.

[Ellezz]

Thank you very much for your advice. I tried to follow it, but it only lasted for a day. By the second day she freaked out on me. She said stuff like:

Seriously what?

You don't say hi.

You don't ****ing act the same.

What is it?

Why are you treating me differently?

 

This is so unfair. She doesn't want to date you but she gets mad when you're not acting as a boyfriend...I think she is taking advantage of you because she knows how much you love her, sigh...

but if you want her back, the only thing you could do is to wait for her to figure it out i guess, don't push her, best of luck