FightClub Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I'm interested in hearing some of the stories of those who either broke contact with their MM/MW or those MM/MW who may have initiated NC. Why was NC initiated? Who initiated it? What was the experience like before & after? Why did you/they contact them? What did you learn afterward? I have no interest in trying to break contact with MW nor do I feel as if it's about to happen anytime soon, I told her I'd give her space and she disappeared soon afterward. I notice a lot of posters mentioning that at some point they 'always come back' or 'someone always breaks contact', I wonder if that's the case for the vast majority or a few random exAP's? ( My story - 'I never thought I'd Be In One' in the forums ). -FC
siuys Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 FC, I think I'm on my 3rd or 4th NC attempt. I just broke it a couple of days ago (see recent thread 'I broke NC if you wish). Most of the time he broke it, this time I did. NC initiated because things were too toxic, too much of a roller coaster ride to continue the same way. I was getting anxiety attacks, can not concentrate at work. He moved back home after 6 months on his own, and more unclear than ever before. At this stage we are on NC until he's sorted out his **** and then he will look me up. But I don't believe it because he's unclear himself and far far away from even divorce. I have written him off. NC was usually a mutual agreement in our case. Bad times always follow NC. You start getting better, getting on with your life, then you make contact, back to square one coz nothing's changed. You feel like a fool and you have just invited some more pain into your life. You contact them because you miss them. But that is not enough to make any R work. I miss you, I love yous don't change anything. He did come back every time after NC (usually about 2 weeks) except I broke the last one after 2.5 weeks. He may or may not contact me again I don't know but I'm going to kill myself if I contact him again. Some people think my situation is far from over. The A/R lasted 10 months but I have had enough pain thank you. And I want to move forward and be happy again. So if he contacts me again it better be when he's close to filing his papers.
East7 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 (edited) I have no interest in trying to break contact with MW nor do I feel as if it's about to happen anytime soon, I told her I'd give her space and she disappeared soon afterward. I notice a lot of posters mentioning that at some point they 'always come back' or 'someone always breaks contact', I wonder if that's the case for the vast majority or a few random exAP's? -FC Giving each-other's space means that it is over dude ! What does it mean 'space' between you? She has no commitment with you! "I need space" is women language to say "I'm done!" See the things for what they are, not for what you want them to be - Reality is calling you ! Yes she may be back one day, but it will be no more than prickle her Ego, not because she wants to be yours. She told you since the beginning FC, she is NOT going to leave her H, why don't you believe her ? She is a player, she wanted you for a ride, she never told you she was in love with you. I think everyone, me included, gave you a lot of good insight on your first post. Women don't lie - Men don't listen ! Edited December 1, 2010 by East7
spice4life Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 NC was broken many many times in my situation! Too many to count I think? In the beginning it was me, but that was before I learned the truth that he wasn't separated anymore. After that it was him. I'm not saying this to give you hope that she might contact you, but it does seem to be the norm. NC gets broken quite a bit before one or both get tired of the roller coaster. It's hard to be left with so many unanswered questions, I know. You are much better off though, if she doesn't contact you because it will give you a chance to heal and move on.
Author FightClub Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 (edited) East7 - LOL! Relax dude, I wasn't implying that I was expecting to hear from her again, it's okay! There is no doubt it's over. I was asking out of curiosity from everyone's perspective with their own 'Broken NC', just curious, nothing more. I set that part of the post as example of what happened for those who didn't know my story, not to give any illusions, I was explaining how our NC was established. -FC Edited December 1, 2010 by FightClub
East7 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 East7 - LOL! Relax dude, I wasn't implying that I was expecting to hear from her again, it's okay! There is no doubt it's over. I was asking out of curiosity from everyone's perspective, just curious, nothing more. I set that part of the post as example of what happened for those who didn't know my story, not to give any illusions, I was explaining how our NC was established. -FC Sorry if I was harsh. For my part MW and I initiated together NC because we were tired of status quo. She broke NC like 10 times...she sound now done as well. I realized it was more to comfort her and her addiction to me, rather than desire to change things. For having read a lot of posts on LS, breaking NC doesn't mean they want to resume something or want to divorce and be with you. 99% of the time is just curiosity, ego-burst etc. I have initiated a special thread "Why do they break NC" : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t252734/
MorningCoffee Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 After several months, I was very conflicted about the whole A/R and left the country for a few weeks, where I would not be able to be in constant contact with her. I insisted this NC would be good for us, and she could work on her decision whether to stay or leave her M without my distraction. Shortly before my return we spoke by phone a few times and then when I came back home, she immediately came to me and took the PA to an entirely new level. Of course, I was delighted at this development. It seemed to me that it meant she was moving closer to deciding to leave her M to be with me. Wrong. I think back and think she was just missing me, wanted to be closer, and wanted to be sure I'd never want to leave her again . . . So she ratcheted the intensity level up.
East7 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 After several months, I was very conflicted about the whole A/R and left the country for a few weeks, where I would not be able to be in constant contact with her. I insisted this NC would be good for us, and she could work on her decision whether to stay or leave her M without my distraction. Shortly before my return we spoke by phone a few times and then when I came back home, she immediately came to me and took the PA to an entirely new level. Of course, I was delighted at this development. It seemed to me that it meant she was moving closer to deciding to leave her M to be with me. Wrong. I think back and think she was just missing me, wanted to be closer, and wanted to be sure I'd never want to leave her again . . . So she ratcheted the intensity level up. Very interesting MC ! I have noticed the same pattern : It works like an addiction, like a drug : - You go NC, - MW craves EA+PA, - she comes back - she is done with what you give (no more withdrawal) - she becomes her old self again and nothing changes.
endlessness Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Very interesting MC ! I have noticed the same pattern : It works like an addiction, like a drug : - You go NC, - MW craves EA+PA, - she comes back - she is done with what you give (no more withdrawal) - she becomes her old self again and nothing changes. Yep, I definitely agree. I broke NC the first time around (I thought I was ready to attempt "friendship" after a month of NC ), and for the first month I was receiving daily texts and messages, which professed how much I meant to him. When we finally met after breaking NC, that encounter was more intense than anything we experienced during our A before. But, soon after, the volume of communication from him started dwindling, and then he fell completely silent. So, yes, East7, your theory definitely holds here. Fortunately for me, this little relapse gave me very valuable insight into the dysfunction, and I simply blocked all avenues of approach in case he ever decides to come back for his fix.
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