flying Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Should I switch to "looking for relationship" then? I've heard that putting "looking for relationship" on a profile makes a guy look desperate though Uh, no. Don't say you're looking for a relationship if you aren't. How is that going to help you? Waste of everyone's time. What she's saying is that you should be aware and accept that people who want flings, like you, are probably going to put a lot of emphasis on your picture. Thus, you should include the best pic of yourself you've got. Maybe one of you playing in your band. I've gotta say, I'm not 100% convinced that you really do just want a fling, after all these threads. I know you say that's what you want but...you sure do a lot of overthinking of this stuff.
Lishy Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Wow that profile is boring, dull and drab ... I nearly fell asleep reading it! Change it to what Fallen said, that makes you sound a bit cooler! If you are below average looking you need to make yourself sound confident and hip, not boring and drab and below average to look at!
BackUpOrGetStung Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 U1987, I slept with 10-15 women in the 3-4 months I was on that site, and the key(just like in real life), is making her feel special. Be as fake as you have to be, but it has to sound genuine(you definitely don't have a way with words, so you will need practice). While you do have some interesting hobbies you presented them in a very mundane way, so I doubt you'll get much in the way of girls coming after you. The profile just needs to flow better, not like bullet points. Also, I really have no clue how much looks played into my success or how much they've played into your failure, but I think if you take care of those two things I mentioned you should see some type of results.
sfranks1492 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I dated a lot on POF and had a lot of fun doing it. It's harder for guys though. To be honest, I would never reply to your profile - even if you were extremely HOT. You sound a bit boring in the profile, very attached to work (where is the time for the girl), and a little geeky. I love smart guys but you come across a bit too smart and nerdy. Make your profile a little more fun and playful versus so serious. But be honest and be yourself. Nothing worse than meeting a guy who made up his profile...waste of time
NYCGirly Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 The only problem I see here is the fact that you posted a profile on POF. I've perused that site and generally got a weird vibe from the men I saw on there. You're not going to find too many women of substance (if that's what you're looking for) on that site. Granted it's free, but as the saying goes, you get what you pay for.
Author U1987 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Wow, Flying, that is GREAT! To the OP - there is NOTHING in your profile to inspire any sex-minded girl to choose you for a casual hookup. What is sexy about you? We all know you just want casual sex - why would a girl choose YOU for that? It sounds good, but like I said, would it appeal to normal dating/relationship oriented girls as well? Because like I said, girls who are openly looking for casual sex are so relatively few and far between (an area search of my and the surrounding towns wields 15, and most look much older and not as attractive as the types of girls I'm looking for) undoubtedly with a high number of men concentrating on them as well. I'm very certain that it's a better bet to go after normal dating/relationship oriented girls than the tiny, tiny few who just want to hook up. So like I said, would that shorted profile appeal to them as well?
Author U1987 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 U1987, I slept with 10-15 women in the 3-4 months I was on that site, and the key(just like in real life), is making her feel special. Be as fake as you have to be, but it has to sound genuine(you definitely don't have a way with words, so you will need practice). While you do have some interesting hobbies you presented them in a very mundane way, so I doubt you'll get much in the way of girls coming after you. The profile just needs to flow better, not like bullet points. Also, I really have no clue how much looks played into my success or how much they've played into your failure, but I think if you take care of those two things I mentioned you should see some type of results. How did you design your profile, and what did you say to "make them feel special?" I tried doing that concentrate-on-one-thing-and-ask-about-it strategy for girls profiles but most didn't even respond (plus, a lot of you hated them)
Author U1987 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 You're not going to find too many women of substance (if that's what you're looking for) on that site. I'm really only after someone who's pretty. Substance/intellect/life-experiences/etc are all just secondary.
Author U1987 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Uh, no. Don't say you're looking for a relationship if you aren't. How is that going to help you? Because like I said, the girls straight-out looking for casual sex are so few and far between that it's really not worth going after just them. At least if I meet and date normal dating/relationship oriented girls, and if they see the kind of guy I am and feel attracted to them, then atleast I can get them to entertain the idea than if I had never gone for them at all. Do you understand? Waste of everyone's time. What she's saying is that you should be aware and accept that people who want flings, like you, are probably going to put a lot of emphasis on your picture. Thus, you should include the best pic of yourself you've got. Maybe one of you playing in your band. That's already the bulk of my pics.
flying Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 (edited) Because like I said, the girls straight-out looking for casual sex are so few and far between that it's really not worth going after just them. At least if I meet and date normal dating/relationship oriented girls, and if they see the kind of guy I am and feel attracted to them, then atleast I can get them to entertain the idea than if I had never gone for them at all. Do you understand? Sure, I understand that that's your intended strategy. I just don't think it's going to work. Your profile, as written, is just flat-out not sexy, as many here have pointed out. It's a list of stuff, a lot of which is relationship-oriented and some of which is...well, kind of dull. It's not hot. As for drawing in women who want a relationship - okay, you don't seem to care about the false advertising aspect of this - although I do think it's a bit crappy - but hey, people expect false advertising on online profiles, so it's probably not that big of a deal, anyway. But regardless, your profile as written isn't going to draw in what you want, so just look at this in the cold clear light of rationality. You know, it's not like you have to say in the profile, "I only want casual hookups. I don't want to know you better, I just want you to look good and have sex with you." But you can write a profile that is more likely to draw people looking for hookups rather than for long walks on the beach and moody staring into each others' eyes. It all depends on what you focus on. Neither "I don't care about your personality, only your looks" nor "I like to discuss art" is sexy. Gah. "I love the feeling of a roomful of people watching me, moving in time to my music" is sexy. Get it? Write things that are sexy and people respond to those cues. Are you getting what I'm saying? I don't know, I get the sense that the points a lot of people are making here aren't really sinking in...so you'll probably just do what you want, and I wish you luck with your strategy. Sure, give it a try. But like I said, I just don't think it's going to work; if you do get responses, your profile is more likely to attract people who want multiple dates before sex, if at all. Edited December 2, 2010 by flying
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Not EVERY guy is going to be successful at getting the pretty girls to just have sex. You have not been forthcoming about just what you have to offer in that department that will make a girl give it up to you just for fun. Maybe you should (shudder) get into the PUA scene. Seems like a fit for you, it might help. Honestly, I don't care whether you succeed or not since you are ready to mislead women in order to get in their pants. I know it's "normal." I just think it's skanky behavior.
kiss_andmakeup Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Not EVERY guy is going to be successful at getting the pretty girls to just have sex. This. I don't know why he seems to think it should be a cakewalk. If it was, I'd guess the majority of men wouldn't even want relationships. And my main point about the pictures was that really this whole thread is a waste of time. If you just want sex then what you write holds little value. The only thing that's really going to matter is how you look. As for going out with relationship-minded girls and then hoping they just decide to have casual or first-date sex with you, well, good luck. Unless you're extremely attractive (assuming you're not based on all your rejections) or extremely cool & charismatic (pretty sure you're not) that's not likely to happen. So, I return to my original point: your standards are likely too high for what you're seeking. Your target market should be average- or below-looking girls, or sloppy drunk girls at clubs. You've already shown that you feel you're "above" both the former and the latter. Yet all those pretty girls you're writing to on POF, aren't responding, are they? If you want casual sex so bad, it's time to revamp your outlook. For every ONE pretty girl who is interested in casual sex, there are 10,000 men interested in bedding her. Many that are just as or more attractive than her. Oh, and online dating DOES suck for guys. I'm a girl and even I know it's true. The ratios are just not in your favour.
Author U1987 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 This. I don't know why he seems to think it should be a cakewalk. If it was, I'd guess the majority of men wouldn't even want relationships. And my main point about the pictures was that really this whole thread is a waste of time. If you just want sex then what you write holds little value. The only thing that's really going to matter is how you look. Which is why I asked? 1) Does my current profile appeal to relationship-oriented girls? 2) Will Flyer's suggested shorter profile appeal to relationship-oriented girls? I just want yes or no answers for that.
Author U1987 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 For every ONE pretty girl who is interested in casual sex, there are 10,000 men interested in bedding her. Many that are just as or more attractive than her. Which is why, like I said, I want to target normal relationship/dating-oriented girls (the vast majority) and see if I can convince them to try out casual hooking up, instead of going just for the tiny few who are looking for casual sex in the beginning. Do you understand? Because I've explained this 5 or 6 times in this thread.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Which is why, like I said, I want to target normal relationship/dating-oriented girls (the vast majority) and see if I can convince them to try out casual hooking up, instead of going just for the tiny few who are looking for casual sex in the beginning. Do you understand? Because I've explained this 5 or 6 times in this thread. And you don't seem to get what it is we're saying. Your underhanded tactics may or may not work depending on how desperate a girl is. If a woman is actually confident do you think she wouldn't see past a guy trying to get into her pants? Some women are actually smarter than you think.
Author U1987 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 As for going out with relationship-minded girls and then hoping they just decide to have casual or first-date sex with you, well, good luck. Unless you're extremely attractive (assuming you're not based on all your rejections) or extremely cool & charismatic (pretty sure you're not) that's not likely to happen. I'm already in shape and dress extremely well. How can a guy sharpen his charisma? Because I really have no cool friends to observe or learn from. All my friends are really nerdy and awkward. They hold me back reflect poorly on me when we're out. Oh, and online dating DOES suck for guys. I'm a girl and even I know it's true. The ratios are just not in your favour.So what do I have to do? What are my options?
Author U1987 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 And you don't seem to get what it is we're saying. Your underhanded tactics may or may not work depending on how desperate a girl is. If a woman is actually confident do you think she wouldn't see past a guy trying to get into her pants? Some women are actually smarter than you think. Why is it "underhanded?" Why is it wrong to SUGGEST to someone to try something new?
flying Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 That may be because you lack empathy yourself, so you don't really understand what it is. I'm truly not saying that with rancor and I know this is a cheap armchair diagnosis, but something about you is pinging "Asperger's" to me. Is that way off?
Author U1987 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 That may be because you lack empathy yourself, so you don't really understand what it is. I'm truly not saying that with rancor and I know this is a cheap armchair diagnosis, but something about you is pinging "Asperger's" to me. Is that way off? Yes. It's way off. I don't have Aspergers. So, I want to try your profile idea. "I'm a bass-playing science student with a taste for Gentleman Jack. I love live music, and will go anywhere that has a band playing. And there's nothing greater than playing in front of an audience, big or small, when they're all dancing and singing to you. Hit me up if you want to know more." Is there anyway to beef it up at all? Because there's nothing more annoying to me than encountering a girl with a 3 or 4 sentence profile. I don't know if girls feel the same way about guys.
flying Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Yes. It's way off. I don't have Aspergers. So, I want to try your profile idea. Is there anyway to beef it up at all? Because there's nothing more annoying to me than encountering a girl with a 3 or 4 sentence profile. I don't know if girls feel the same way about guys. Sure - if they want a relationship. I don't know, I feel like we're talking in circles. I wish you luck, but I don't think I can help you. Maybe someone else can.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Why is it "underhanded?" Why is it wrong to SUGGEST to someone to try something new? Because you're meeting women under false pretenses. Also, suggesting would run under the line of " I like this and this, would you like to try this and this?" But you don't think like that. What you're thinking is " Sorry, I have no intentions to be serious with you, now or later. I only want FWB. Please go along with me".
xpaperxcutx Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Sure - if they want a relationship. I don't know, I feel like we're talking in circles. I wish you luck, but I don't think I can help you. Maybe someone else can. I second this notion. OP good luck.
VeveCakes Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I don't get why you put all this stuff about your interests in there if you just want something casual. Why not just say you are a big wheel and like to pamper and spoil ladies and know how to treat them right blah blah. You will attract women who want that and probably get them into the sack. I also think since you are nerdy and all your friends are nerdy why not go for some nerdy girls. Some of them can be pretty attractive and just as into casual sex as other girls.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I guess it's kind of been established that you don't have the rare "chops," as it were, to get the smoking hott babes to leap into the sack with you just because that's what you've "ordered" on the dating site. Might I suggest the "hang out" option. It won't make you look like as much as a lowlife as pretending you are interested in a relationship will - and evidently the straightforward approach is yielding no results. Hanging out with girls and then saying something like "would you like to have NSA sex with me" is not scummy. Might not get the results you're after, but what the heck.
Jannah Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Why is it "underhanded?" Why is it wrong to SUGGEST to someone to try something new? It IS underhanded if you state you are interested in a relationship, when you ARE NOT. Having said that, there is nothing wrong with NOT wanting a relationship at this stage in your life... So, isn't there an option for "dating", and/or like someone else suggested "hanging out". I think if you select the "dating" and/or "hanging out" option, post a few good looking pics of yourself, come across as funny, cocky and interesting, you'd probably yield the results you want. It may deter the women who ARE seeking a relationship, but, that's the whole point since you aren't interested in having one.
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