Alecjw Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Well I was dating this girl for about 6 months and everything was fantastic; we share many similar interests, had great chemistry physically mentally and emotionally, and we created a strong connection. I've truly never felt this way about another human being before. She's my first love and I hers. She told me she loved me the day before I moved 100 miles away for college. We're both young, I'm almost 19 and shes almost 18, so perhaps we were naive in thinking that nothing would change once we went long distance. Everything was fine the first month or so of long distance; we talked every night via skype, texted frequently, and I came back to visit every few weeks to see her. It wasn't until mid october (a month and a half ago) that things began to change for the worse. We fought a few times, nothing major but definitely emotionally frustrating for the both of us. I thought everything was ok, but then the first week of november we got into a major fight in which she said she didnt know if she loved me anymore because i've changed. I did not take this well. I wanted to talk things over with her, I wanted to try and fix things before they got out of hand, but the next day she said "she wanted a break. I agreed but didn't like the idea one bit. a week later she visited me and we talked but nothing was resolved. a few days later, and I express my dislike of the break and she was upset and said we should break up. I was so upset and i said hurtful things to her that i shouldnt have said. A few days later I apologized and wanted to work things out, but she dropped the friends word on me. I told her I cant be friends with her, and now we havent spoken in almost a week. She's still quite angry at me for the things ive said, but i feel that once the emotions die down we can talk things over and perhaps salvage our relationship.
twinrexes Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Six months isn't a long time to get to know someone, it's more like the honeymoon stage of the relationship where everything is still running on hormones and adrenaline. Then, just when most couples start to see the first sign of flaws in each other, you two go long distance. That's a double whammy. Then you have a fight where you throw a few zingers at her. No matter how many kind words you've had for her in the past, no matter how many nice things you've done, it often takes only one good zinger to undo it all. So, she's angry and may stay angry. Leave her alone and give her time, that's all you can do. She may come around, she may not. As long as you've apologized there's nothing more you can do. Begging, pleading, promising to change, sending flowers and all that will only push her farther away. So just chill for now.
twinrexes Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Sorry, I should qualify that. One good zinger won't undo ALL of the positives. But the mean things seem to have more power than the kindnesses. Go figure, that's how people are wired.
fiat500 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Twinrexes! You seem to know what you're talking about. I need some help. I'm totally in the OP's situation but reversed. My ex boyfriend went away to college in the fall and things started falling apart in October and finally he said he needed a break two weeks ago. I however didn't lose my temper and say cruel things I would regret to him. However I did plead briefly on the phone before accepting the break up. And he said that he felt six months was long enough to know someone and he needed a break. I have not talked to him since he called to break up with me. It's killing me, but I will not contact him. At all. What should I do in my situation? I feel like it would be different if the dumper is a guy.
Author Alecjw Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 Yea I realized after about a week that I just need to leave her alone and work on myself. A couple of days after the initial breakup I apologized and asked if we could work things out, but she said she was confused, didnt know what she wanted, and didnt know if she could still be with me after i got mad at her and threw a zinger at her. But she "still wanted to be friends". I basically told her that I wont be friends with her, nothing personal, I just wont settle for less. Then I told her that Im going to clear my head and get some space so I wont talk to her anymore. Ive been in no contact for 6 days now and im holding up well. I didn't do too much begging/bargaining before going into no contact, but it still took me a week and a half to commit to it. I never bombarded her with texts and only brought up the relationship every few days before the NC started, so hopefully I didn't damage my odds of a possible second chance too much. Im certain that this is not the end, at least thats what my instincts tell me. But I'm not moping around waiting for her to call. I'm living my life and doing what I do. When she calls, the chips can fall where they may.
twinrexes Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Twinrexes! You seem to know what you're talking about. I need some help. I'm totally in the OP's situation but reversed. My ex boyfriend went away to college in the fall and things started falling apart in October and finally he said he needed a break two weeks ago. I however didn't lose my temper and say cruel things I would regret to him. However I did plead briefly on the phone before accepting the break up. And he said that he felt six months was long enough to know someone and he needed a break. I have not talked to him since he called to break up with me. It's killing me, but I will not contact him. At all. What should I do in my situation? I feel like it would be different if the dumper is a guy. Well, it might be different getting dumped by a guy in as much as the majority of guys aren't great communicators and won't usually tell you what's really going on in their heads. Starting college is a whole new world for most people. Suddenly they're surrounded by opportunity (translate: tons of other single people their own age, lots of partying, and no adult supervision)and they want to experience it to the fullest. And having a boyfriend or girlfriend back home may begin to feel like it's holding them back. If you're a guy you won't usually explain that to your girlfriend, you'll just say it's time to date other people and/or take a break. To be fair, most women say the same thing to avoid hurting any feelings. He's making it sound like he's leaving the door open but he's also leaving you dangling, which isn't fair. So you might need to let him know in stronger terms that a "break" means you're assuming he's moved on and you're NOT waiting for him. Really stand your ground on that and be confident about it. Then keep your word. Get on with things as though he's not coming back. Have as much fun as possible. I swear, exes have invisible radar for when you've stopped missing them and are having a blast without you and that's when they pop up again, testing to see if you'd come back. It's uncanny....
fiat500 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Well, it might be different getting dumped by a guy in as much as the majority of guys aren't great communicators and won't usually tell you what's really going on in their heads. Starting college is a whole new world for most people. Suddenly they're surrounded by opportunity (translate: tons of other single people their own age, lots of partying, and no adult supervision)and they want to experience it to the fullest. And having a boyfriend or girlfriend back home may begin to feel like it's holding them back. If you're a guy you won't usually explain that to your girlfriend, you'll just say it's time to date other people and/or take a break. To be fair, most women say the same thing to avoid hurting any feelings. He's making it sound like he's leaving the door open but he's also leaving you dangling, which isn't fair. So you might need to let him know in stronger terms that a "break" means you're assuming he's moved on and you're NOT waiting for him. Really stand your ground on that and be confident about it. Then keep your word. Get on with things as though he's not coming back. Have as much fun as possible. I swear, exes have invisible radar for when you've stopped missing them and are having a blast without you and that's when they pop up again, testing to see if you'd come back. It's uncanny.... Thank you. I actually knew this would happen and I had shot him down a few times earlier in the year because I knew he was going to be living the college life and there was a lot of opportunity there for him. I also had experience with this crap before because when I was 19 and away in the military, my first ex was living it up in college thousands of miles away. And even though I managed to hold onto that relationship for a couple of years, my first ex eventually changed due to the lifestyle there. But this new guy insisted that since he wasn't a teenager he wouldn't be going through any "transitional phases." Boy was he full of sh**t. I had told him he would come to resent me if he felt like I was holding him back and he thought I was crazy because he claimed it wasn't going to happen. Well it did. And I'm not happy about being right. I have taken the physical and mental steps to move on for good. I'm just waiting for my stupid heart to catch up. I've rid myself of all his pictures, contact numbers, removed him from facebook because I don't expect him to be coming back ever and he will probably be dating some college skank in no time.
Fufu Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 many lovers break up because of distance anything will happen if they do not stay together the environment changes person may change Fully agree with you.. this is what happens to me and my ex as well. Before he went overseas, he told me: "We will work through LDR" After 8 months, "LDR is not for me."
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