Why some people say "I'd like to meet again/keep in touch" before they disappear?

[wondergirl_6]

This is the first time I've ever met someone who disappeared after 3 long dates. What really confuses me is that he actually sent me a text saying he'd like to see me again and keep in touch before he disappeared-and it's even not about sex, he didn't make a move on me at all during the 20 hours we spent together in total.

 

I've never "disappeared", even I decided not to see someone again after the first meeting, I'd politely but clearly let them know if they contacted me. I thinking leading people on is BAD, why would some people do this? I can understand if it's face to face, it might be embarrassing to let someone down, but in a text?

[Bogo123]

He's just trying to be nice and not hurt your feelings. Time to move on. I agree though I would prefer brutal honesty.

[wondergirl_6]

But that will hurt the person's feelings even more when he/she realizes that there's not going to be any further meeting isn't it? Or is it the unwritten rule that when someone says "I'd like to meet again" it means "thanks but no thanks"?

[irc333]

I think everyone does this.....after a date or even with a friend, "Hey maybe we can do this again sometime."

 

And the other person, just says, "Hmm, mm, okay" really quickly before they depart.

 

Even though they really don't mean it.

 

It just something people say after they say goodbye

 

"My people will call your people" in Hollywood terms. lol

[zig]

3 dates and 20 hours is a long time. Sorry it didn't work out.

 

Sometimes people just change their minds even after three good dates. Or, they meet someone else.

 

What do you mean mean by disappear though? You never said. Have you tried to contact him and then what happened?

[wondergirl_6]

^Thanks!

 

Before his last text he called and said he wanted to be honest to me and let me know he's also seeing someone else, and I said I thought it's common in online dating so I wouldn't mind too much at this stage, he then said we'd keep seeing each other if I really didn't mind. After hanging up I realized he might mean to gently let me down so I text him politely asking if that's the case and said I'd understand, that I just didn't want to misunderstand the situation.

 

In his reply he said he'd like to see me again, too (as I said I'd like to see him again) and keep in touch, it's just he's a bit confused since he never dated two girls at the same time and needed a couple of days to clear his head. I gave him the time, I waited for a whole week, nothing, and then I texted him to say hi (just to let him know that if he wants to talk to me, I won't give him the cold shoulder even he didn't contact me after "a couple of days"), but he didn't reply.

 

What I don't understand is if he meant to let me down on phone but failed to speak up for himself when I misunderstood him (I honestly didn't "get it" in the first place), why couldn't he make it clear in his text but kept leading me on, and then disappears.

[zetkin]

Guys are always like that. They either don’t want to seem bad boys, or they don’t want to blow you off, just in case, for the future.

 

The guy I dated recently is exactly like that, he says he doesn’t want anything serious but then when we met each other at a bar accidentally, he stays with me all night, he says he would like to go with me to some place, he told me about before, and then that he would like to meet to get my input on something. And then never contacts me again. Try to understand them...

 

But I don’t get stuck on this kind of people for long. You shouldn’t either.

[Mellisa]

This is the first time I've ever met someone who disappeared after 3 long dates. What really confuses me is that he actually sent me a text saying he'd like to see me again and keep in touch before he disappeared-and it's even not about sex, he didn't make a move on me at all during the 20 hours we spent together in total.

 

I've never "disappeared", even I decided not to see someone again after the first meeting, I'd politely but clearly let them know if they contacted me. I thinking leading people on is BAD, why would some people do this? I can understand if it's face to face, it might be embarrassing to let someone down, but in a text?

 

So you havent heard from him for a while after that"he'd like to see you again and keep in touch" text?How long has it been? have you tried texting him or calling him? Chance are he might change his mind and decide not to pursue you any longer.At the same time, he doesnt want to cut the bridge completely so that he can come back any time he wants. Also since he doesnt think it's necessary for him to "reject" you after three dates and doesnt expect you would actually wait there and wonder what happened,he doesnt see the need to make that dramatic rejection statment.

[wondergirl_6]

His last text with the "I'd like to see you again and keep in touch" was a week ago, and I texted him yesterday simply saying hi, no reply and it has been 24 hours. Obviously I saw other people in the process but I'm still quite confused, I've never met people like this before.

[Girlygirl1977]

I think when it is 3 dates many people don't see it as a relationship necessarily and so it is a fuzzy situation where you don't have to officially break it off. From what you wrote he met someone else too and so that is a cue he was trying to make a decision. At the time he told you, he likely was confused and based on his actions (and better to use actions versus words), he is likely not moving forward with you.

 

I understand how this can feel but it is also best not to get too attached after 3 dates. I think I read somewhere that women start thinking it's becoming a relationship after 3-4 dates and for men it is more like 5-6.

 

I think the right mindset for you now is to assume is he is gone and out of the picture. This will be the easiest way to cope and look at it. I would move on and look for others at this point.

[elastica]

This is the first time I've ever met someone who disappeared after 3 long dates. What really confuses me is that he actually sent me a text saying he'd like to see me again and keep in touch before he disappeared-and it's even not about sex, he didn't make a move on me at all during the 20 hours we spent together in total.

 

I've never "disappeared", even I decided not to see someone again after the first meeting, I'd politely but clearly let them know if they contacted me. I thinking leading people on is BAD, why would some people do this? I can understand if it's face to face, it might be embarrassing to let someone down, but in a text?

 

I remember it was really weird when it happened to me for the first time. I was devastated. I think most women start really believing that their date might have been in an accident or whatever. Because it is just so unreal. So my opinion is that people who do this, either men or women, are massive losers, insecure and childlish people who have huge problems with themselves and need counselling... LOL.

Haha, okay that might be harsh, but you see, every indivdual deserves to be treated with certain respect. And also, I always try to put myself at the other end ... Anyway, after it has happened to me it took me a few months to get over it, and I realized I would not want to be with a person who is like this. So if somebody does it, it is a huge turn-off! And do not listen to anybody who says this is a gentle way of him telling you he doesn't like you, or this and that. This is the worst way!!

He might of course call you, 24 hours is not a long time and yes, sg might have happened... But it is not a ig deal to send a message.

Edited December 2, 2010 by elastica