purpleknif67 Posted March 11, 2004 Posted March 11, 2004 I had been dating this guy, for just awhile, we went on about five dates. I found him intelligent, physically attractive, calm, positive and gentle. We seemed to have a lot in common and never ran out of things to talk about. The fifth date, though, felt distant from him and he seemed to be a little bit cold and preoccupied. He did mention that a friend of his had become seriously ill practically overnight so I cast aside my usual cynical, dark way of thinking and decided that his odd behavior had to do with his friend and not that he was trying to ditch me. I emailed him, thanking him for dinner and left the ball in his court, mentioning that if he wanted to get together again, let me know. He emailed me back, saying he was busy for the next couple of weeks travelling for work. He didn't mention anything about getting together. After that...no response. And that hurt a little, I guess I was more into him than he was into me. Slowly I am coming out of my funk-obsession with him, but I haven't dated anyone since him and that has been about a month. I just started a new job, and that has probably helped a lot in preventing me from thinking about him too much. Then my boss told me he would like me to assist him at a meeting a a local company they would be doing future business with. When I found out that it was the same company this guy I had dated worked for, I got worried, but I figured since it was a very large building we would probably not see each other. As my boss and I walked to the conference room, I see him, he sees me. I tensed up a bit but I managed to slightly smile and say hello. He stops dead in his tracks and stares at me and makes some stupid noise like a grunt-wimper and says hi. Whatever. My boss notices this whole exchange and says that he hasn't seen anything like that in a while and asks if we know each other. I completely lie through my teeth and say no, I just laugh it off. The meeting goes on for about three and a half hours and I caught him staring at me 3x from across the hallway, he was between a couple of cubbies. After the meeting, i take off and I get a call from him on my cell--he goes into this long rant about how much he wanted to call me before but was so scared and guilty, he felt guilty about dating me because of his kids (he is divorced, 3 kids) how much he has thought about me, how beautiful I looked, I told him I can't talk and drive, traffic heavy, blah, blah, blah and then he calls an hour later after I get home and then he sends me emails. Finally I call him, I start off calm, but then I just lose it. I go on about how hurt I was that he didn't call, what was wrong, etc. I think that maybe he'll think i'm completely psycho and hang up, but he doesn't so I hang up. Since then, he has called or emailed me at least 2 or 3x per day. I don't know what to do, because we will be having a meeting next week and now I just found out this evening from my boss that we will be working with this company and will also be meeting frequently with the design team that he is a part of in the future. My boss even said that I will get to see that tall, dark and handsome stranger again. Ick.. I am so torn, one part of me wants to go back to him, RUN to him and the other wants to put his head on a stick and spin it around. I can't control his behavior but what can i do to control mine?
annaM19 Posted March 11, 2004 Posted March 11, 2004 I know that you are upset about how he didnt call, and that you were even hurt by his actions. You have every right to be. Anyone in your shoes would, but i really do think you need to talk to him calmly about how he did hurt you and let him know how you feel about it. I am sure that he knows what he did to do and oviously feels bad about it cuz he has called and emailed you numerous times. I think you just need to talk to him and come to an understanding with him, after all you are gonna be working with this guy for a bit, why be misurable when you have to be around him? I think this will make you feel better.
moimeme Posted March 11, 2004 Posted March 11, 2004 If you can get this upset and angry about a failure to call, then maybe you should tell him that it won't work out. People sometimes fail to call when they mean to and then are embarrassed to call because they didn't call when they were supposed to - and then they just don't call. He is now trying to make it up to you but you are refusing to forgive this relatively minor transgression. This doesn't bode well for smooth sailing in the future, IMHO.
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