spirited Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 This could be a long story, but I'll try to condense it. There are many things I am not proud of as you will read. First let me say that I am married, and have been for 26 years. My husband is a good , decent, man but is emotionally and physically closed down. He has been this way probably for at least the last ten years. About 5 years ago, a man whom I'd been friends with at work and I entered into an affair. I didn't see it coming! But, long story short, his wife found out and filed for divorce. He got the divorce about a year ago. During this time, I remained in my marriage = pretty much name only. My husband hasn't slept with me in at least ten years. My co worker and I developed a very intimate relationship and for five years we talked every morning, noon, and night. We got together when we could. He has joint custody of two children, and my husband travelled. My husband never found out. I need you to know that I never slept with my husband once, nor did we have anything other than a civilized living arrangement. During th five years, my OM wanted me to divorce so we could be together. I must say, I did not because I was scared of the unknown. Last year my mother passed and my H had a heart attack so things were rough. Then in April OM found out he had prostate cancer and was operated on in June. Suffice it to say withough going into more detail, we didn't speak for the whole summmer. He was furious with me for not leaving H and ended the relationhip. I begged and pleaded but to no avail. Come September we see each other again and I try to get him to go back with me and he declines. I offered to leave my marriage. The last four weeks, I have ignored him at work. His last conversation really hurt me. Yesterday, I broke the ice. He seemed happy that we had, and we even had a few laughts. Today, the same thing; he helped me with a computer problem, and we joked and laughed like old times. I haven't mentioned the relationship; we're functioning like friends. I miss him. I'm in love with him. I will leave my H . I'm not sure how to get him back. I'm not even sure if I can. I thought maybe I'd see how the friendship progresses and go from there. I don't understand how he doesn't feel what I feel - five years together. I would really appreciate some advice; how can I get the relationship back to where it was? Does anyone thing it can be done? I
Idalis Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 It sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too. You want the safety and security of a marriage, and you want your fling on the side. Its really not fair to him, and its not fair to your H. If you really love him then leave your H and then pursue him, to expect him to get back together with you in order for you to POSSIBLY leave your husband is extremely selfish, IMO. If you want to leave you marriage you should do it b/c its what you want to do and b/c your marriage doesnt sound healthy. You shouldnt do it b/c you are 100% positive that you have something else lined up, that seems so egotistical as you are only thinking of yourself and not the other two people involved. I'm sure the OM does still have feelings for you but doesnt want to be used for your selfish means, and I can't say that I blame him.
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