808 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 (edited) I'll try and make this as short as possible, so here's the lowdown: I started my new job about six months ago at a large company. During my first week, a friend of mine introduced me to her manager. I'm 25 and she's 35 (both single, no kids), and we hit it off instantly. She gave me her number and we started talking outside of work early on. It should be said that this manager has absolutely no authority over me, we just work on the same floor. Over time, we've become quite close, and over the last couple of months, there has been a pretty intense connection between the two of us, and the flirting has been heavy (I could provide several examples, but for the sake of keeping this as short as possible, I won't unless someone asks). Also, we've done some things together outside of work, but never as a date, and we do things for each other that normal friends just don't do unless there is mutual attraction. So here's where things start getting blurry for me. About a month ago, I called her and asked her out, and she gave me a round-about excuse about being busy, with no counteroffer. A couple of weeks later, I asked her again if she would like to go out for dinner, and again I got a lame excuse. So last night, I decided that instead of asking her out, I was going to be blunt about it and say "Let's go to lunch Friday, just you and I. I'll come pick you up", and if she gave me a lame excuse, I was going to call her out on it. That's exactly how I presented it to her, and her response was "I'm not sure that that's a good idea." When I asked why, she said that people around the floor have been talking and calling up her friends for the last month, asking them who she's dating and if she and I are seeing each other. She said people have been talking for a while. She told me she personally doesn't care what people think about her or the situation, but that her corporate position forces her to follow the status quo, and it puts her in a tough spot regarding gossip/drama, especially when it comes to dating someone she interacts with daily. I told her that I understand and that I appreciate her honesty, and her response was "I do want to go, I'm just not sure it's the best idea ... I will still think about it, though." We said goodnight, and that's how it ended. So before I get all of the "Never date someone you work with" comments, let me just say that I am using my current job as a stepping stone, and have been applying for other jobs within the company. I don't see myself being on her floor, or even in the same building, for more than three more months. So, with that being said ... how should I handle this going forward? Do you all think she was letting me down as easy as possible and suggesting that we should just be friends? Or does it sound like she wants to date, but has reservations due to her position? Now I understand why she's been so shady the last month, but I'm still in the dark as to how she feels about me and the whole situation. What I would like to do is to either 1) ask her if we didn't work together, if things would be different, or 2) ask her if she would be open to dating, but keeping it low until I got a new job ... like not even going out in public, just her coming over to my place or vice versa. Or should I just keep my mouth shut? She's supposed to call me tonight, so any opinions would be greatly appreciated! Edited November 30, 2010 by 808
refurb Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Keep your mouth shut. She pretty much laid it out. You've made it known you're interested. Ball is in her court now. If I were you, I would stop chasing. RF
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