pieturli Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/denial/SR00043 That article pretty much outlines what this is about. I've started sort of daydreaming about reconciliation with my ex a few days after we broke up. Anyone else had that? If so, for how long? I tend to trust these medical experts when they say that it isn't necessarily a bad thing. I just hope I don't get stuck in it:O
Nkognito Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/denial/SR00043 That article pretty much outlines what this is about. I've started sort of daydreaming about reconciliation with my ex a few days after we broke up. Anyone else had that? If so, for how long? I tend to trust these medical experts when they say that it isn't necessarily a bad thing. I just hope I don't get stuck in it:O Everyone does it, including me. I rehearsed what I would say, how I would act but I eventually turned it around. I started thinking about being better, picturing myself more set with my goals and further along. I started to think of myself "better" than my ex. In my head that person who was my ex started to feel bad about leaving someone like me because I went on with my life and followed my goals. As time passed on, these "fantasies" started to deminish and now I no longer think of them. They will pass but for now I don't see the harm in them. You simply escape to a world where you're not hurting and after time you come to realize that the break up is actually true and you have adapted to that person no longer there.
poorguy Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Everyone does it, including me. I rehearsed what I would say, how I would act but I eventually turned it around. I started thinking about being better, picturing myself more set with my goals and further along. I started to think of myself "better" than my ex. In my head that person who was my ex started to feel bad about leaving someone like me because I went on with my life and followed my goals. As time passed on, these "fantasies" started to deminish and now I no longer think of them. They will pass but for now I don't see the harm in them. You simply escape to a world where you're not hurting and after time you come to realize that the break up is actually true and you have adapted to that person no longer there. Right on with that!! It's like they just begin to go away without you even noticing it
Author pieturli Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 That certainly makes sense. It's pretty much exactly what the psychs are saying, that the denial fantasy serves as a distraction, while you subconsciously move forward. What a wonderful thing the human mind is:)
Graceful Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 It's also referred to as "magical thinking" and yes, people need to think that way to help ease the pain in a loss of any kind. People use magical thinking even after a loved one dies. You project being together or even deny that the person is really gone. It's a way to keep a form of hope alive. I think it's very normal to think that way, and as long as you are aware you are doing it, I do think you will not turn to it as much as time goes on. I am sure many people would admit to using it when they could not face the pain of a break up being final. I know when I had a horrible break up, I had visions of my ex returning on his knees, begging me to forgive him and get back together. Never happened, of course. At least I can laugh about it a bit now, I could not then! If it helps you to feel a little better, it's fine to imagine the "maybe's or what if's" -- nothing wrong with it.
stunnedone Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Yup I'm the same but I go through it on and off. It's been a little while for me roughly 6mth since we broke. I've dated others and had contact with her and she would not take me back. I find my thoughts go there when I'm not busy or around places or things we did together. I look at it like I have good days where I don't or barely think of her and bad days where I wake up and I'm already thinking of her and it happens for the rest of the day. I think it's cause I feel shafted by it all and don't really know what to do about it but to be honest I have no clue if and when I'll get over it. I had a few break ups over the years and none hit me like this....I hope you keep busy and just be the best person you can and hopefully one day the right girl will find you
Author pieturli Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Breaking up certainly is rough, but its much less rough now that I know that its not a bad thing to have this "magical" thinking going on:P Your right about the keeping busy thing, it does work at least to some degree. I find that when I'm not feeling good, keeping busy is difficult. I'm shocked that its not even been 2 weeks since my break and I'm feeling better most of the time. I don't know if its just me, but I don't really like the idea of tricking myself into not thinking about stuff, but hey, everyone deals in their own way:)
Recommended Posts