9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 what is a ego? I hear phrases like 'dont feed is ego' or 'calling him is feeding his ego' what is the mans ego?
EasyHeart Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 what is a ego? I hear phrases like 'dont feed is ego' or 'calling him is feeding his ego' what is the mans ego?It's woman-speak for "I'm so desperate, insecure and a afraid of being alone that I need to destroy his self-confidence so that he will obey my every whim out of desperation and fear of being alone".
Author 9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 It's woman-speak for "I'm so desperate, insecure and a afraid of being alone that I need to destroy his self-confidence so that he will obey my every whim out of desperation and fear of being alone". Really?!?! No really...what is it?
Ilovecake Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 (edited) Your ego is your sense of self. Edited November 30, 2010 by Ilovecake
carhill Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 IMO, it's the learned methodologies of how we manipulate our environment to feed our id, our passion center. It's when the balance between ego-centrism and care, compassion and empathy tips to the ego side that others begin to perceive us as 'self-centered', having an 'inflated ego', etc, etc. Think about circumstances where you might make the statement in your OP. Describe them. What are the underlying emotions in yourself which impel this perception? Why would calling him 'feed his ego'? There's a context for that. Examine it. For myself, when I see relationships going mostly one way, with little physical,intellectual or emotional reciprocation, that's when I start looking at unbalanced ego to be involved. A great example would be someone who always talks about themselves and shows little outward interest in others.
Author 9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 IMO, it's the learned methodologies of how we manipulate our environment to feed our id, our passion center. It's when the balance between ego-centrism and care, compassion and empathy tips to the ego side that others begin to perceive us as 'self-centered', having an 'inflated ego', etc, etc. Think about circumstances where you might make the statement in your OP. Describe them. What are the underlying emotions in yourself which impel this perception? Why would calling him 'feed his ego'? There's a context for that. Examine it. For myself, when I see relationships going mostly one way, with little physical,intellectual or emotional reciprocation, that's when I start looking at unbalanced ego to be involved. A great example would be someone who always talks about themselves and shows little outward interest in others. So a big ego is a narcistic? Why do they say if a man is sleeping with two women, it is feeding his ego. What is happening inside of him?
ConstantCraving Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 what is a ego? I hear phrases like 'dont feed is ego' or 'calling him is feeding his ego' what is the mans ego? My answer is that being LOVED is really not that important to a man. But being RESPECTED (or even FEARED in some contexts) is very important. If you show a man respect or esteem, that will so much more to him than terms of endearment, hugs, kisses, etc. That's my take on the male ego.
carhill Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Narcissism is IMO a systemically (versus situationally) unbalanced ego. A person can have a 'big ego' and yet be very loving, caring and compassionate, in fact equally 'big' in those regards. The ego part is the knowledge, skills and tools to manipulate one's environment. It's the 'how' one gets what they want. If that involves other people, then getting the id's wants met requires creating an environment and dynamic with those people to get the wants met. Why do they say if a man is sleeping with two women, it is feeding his ego. What is happening inside of him? It *can* be feeding his ego, or more precisely, his ego is creating a dynamic to allow his id to get fed, in this case, sexual passion. Circumstances dictate the perception. If he's openly polyamorous and uncommited and otherwise shows his partners care and concern and respect, his ego is balancing the wants of his id with the requirements for a healthy dynamic to feed it. When I describe someone as a 'Hoover', I'm perceiving them 'taking' to feed their id with an ego which does not balance the interpersonal dynamic to effect the goal. Balance is the key, IMO.
Author 9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Usually a person with exxagerated sense of importance. They are usually the kind of person who thinks only of themselves and everybody else is 2nd to them This sounds true above. Is that about right? I need to know cause I have been accused of feeding a mans ego when i shouldnt have. So that is why Im asking what the hell is it.
carhill Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 We tend to use the word 'ego' in a negative sense, but here's an alternative perception, one of a positive nature... What are the benefits of a healthy ego? For many people who are receiving psychotherapy, the task is to strengthen the ego -- to develop a sense of individuality, independence, self-esteem, self-respect, personal boundaries, assertiveness, presence, values, separation from parents, conviction of opinions and perspectives, specific tastes and preferences -- and freedom from contrary inner psychological forces which would dominate the ego. When we have these qualities, we have an ego which can be termed well-developed, well-defined, or "strong." A well-developed ego is beneficial in many ways: We can approach people from a position of strength and abundance and vigor, rather than from neediness and emptiness. We can build relationships between two whole people, rather than trying to manipulate the other person into filling our voids; for example, if we have a weak ego, we need people to say that we are worthwhile or interesting (or possessing whatever other trait we cherish); to gain that assurance, we betray our own identity (trying to be the type of person who would receive approval) and we manipulate other people (because we are "fishing for a compliment" instead of engaging in honest conversation). We can be open and sensitive because our strong ego boundaries protect us against the everyday insults and injustices from other people (and from the self-condemnation which would be inflicted by ourselves if we had dysfunctional elements in the ego's archetypal field).We can be unpretentious. Half of humility is knowing what we are not; the other half is knowing what we are. Humility is based on an accurate perception of ourselves -- neither inflated nor degraded. A well-defined ego is fulfilling and comfortable; a weak ego uses conceit, arrogance, and pomposity to try to compensate for its lack of fulfillment and comfort.We can be relatively consistent, stable, and trustworthy in our behavior. Our ego is in charge, with its steady repertoire of particular traits. As long as we manage the ego's archetypal field properly, we do not develop constellations of conflicting elements which will need to be expressed. We are likewise protected from external influences; we know ourselves, so we are not easily swayed by people who try to persuade us with their opinions.We can endure input from the other parts of the psyche, and from other people. While we are not overcome by the internal and external influences which were mentioned in the previous section, we can accept the valid input from them. A weak ego necessarily closes itself off, to protect itself. But a fully formed ego stays intact when it considers the antithetical perspectives of the shadow, the soul, etc., and the opposing ideas which are presented other people. Because an undeveloped ego has "empty spaces" -- e.g., a poorly defined relationship with our parents -- the other parts of the psyche rush in to fill the spaces; for example, the shadow (or the inner child) might fill that void with some repressed anger from our childhood.We can create effective personas. Because we have a clear sense of who we are, our persona (which presents who we are to the world) can be crisp and definitive and genuine. A vague ego can create only a vague persona, which lacks energy, attractiveness, and distinct attributes with which people can interact.Even our appearance is improved, with a relaxed grace of movement, eyes which are bright and alert -- and, very likely, a smiling face.We can endure "transcendence" of the ego. This is the goal of many people who seek psychological or spiritual fulfillment. As Jack Engler, Harvard psychologist and Buddhist teacher said, "You have to be somebody before you can be nobody"; i.e., you need a strong ego before you can properly transcend the ego (as explained later). With transcendence comes peace of mind, broader perspectives on life, a type of spiritual consummation, and a calming of the ego's storms (which resulted from our misunderstanding and misapplication of the function and range of the ego). Source
Author 9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 if you say someone has a big ego than that mean they think way to much of themseleves this has been my experience with ego tripping people
Author 9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Ego- Your consciousness of your own identity. Often followed by great pride and feelings of superiority to others. Alter ego- Somebody's alternate personality or persona; a second self.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Usually a person with exxagerated sense of importance. They are usually the kind of person who thinks only of themselves and everybody else is 2nd to them This sounds true above. Is that about right? I need to know cause I have been accused of feeding a mans ego when i shouldnt have. So that is why Im asking what the hell is it. You will get much better advice if you talk about the specific scenario instead of a general question about ego. If you are sleeping with a man who is sleeping with another woman... feeding his ego isn't the issue.
Author 9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 You will get much better advice if you talk about the specific scenario instead of a general question about ego. If you are sleeping with a man who is sleeping with another woman... feeding his ego isn't the issue. Right now, Im not sleeping with nobody. It is general cause I hear the term feeding the ego or whatever so I wanted to know what is the darn thing and why is it so important to a man.
sumdude Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Everyone has an ego. Some people have an over inflated one which makes them believe they're better than others. Some have weak ego's which makes them feel like they're not good enough. I know plenty of women who like to overfeed their ego's . Not just a guy thing.
Author 9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Everyone has an ego. Some people have an over inflated one which makes them believe they're better than others. Some have weak ego's which makes them feel like they're not good enough. I know plenty of women who like to overfeed their ego's . Not just a guy thing. Im starting to understand what it is. You just hear so much about it and most of the time, it is used to describe a man. I get it now tho. Most men who think highly of themselves are thought be confident. Women too. The only times I hear ego being used is when it talks about a man and his ability to take advantage of a situation with a woman
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 This sounds true above. Is that about right? I need to know cause I have been accused of feeding a mans ego when i shouldnt have. So that is why Im asking what the hell is it. I'm referencing this situation. If it isn't from sleeping with a guy then cool... but it would be easiest if you expound on the actual situation at hand. Right now, Im not sleeping with nobody. It is general cause I hear the term feeding the ego or whatever so I wanted to know what is the darn thing and why is it so important to a man. Is that an intended double negative? Ego is important because it helps drive confidence. Women value confidence in a man over any other trait... to the point of ridiculousness. So... you should understand why this is important to most guys.
tb24 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Is it wrong that I was expecting this to be a joke something along the lines of "Almost as big as he thinks his penis is?" lol. On a serious note, everyone has an ego of some sort. We're all good at something and often there's nothing wrong with being proud of that. It helps people feel confident and that comes across as a positive trait to others. Some people, however, do have an inflated sense of self worth and an elitist attitude towards others. There's a point at which ego becomes arrogance and it's not a good line to cross.
Author 9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 I'm referencing this situation. If it isn't from sleeping with a guy then cool... but it would be easiest if you expound on the actual situation at hand. Is that an intended double negative? Ego is important because it helps drive confidence. Women value confidence in a man over any other trait... to the point of ridiculousness. So... you should understand why this is important to most guys. I dont understand where you are coming from. I told you im not sleeping with anyone right now cause Im not...i dont get the intended double neg thing. As far as a certain situation, RIGHT NOW, I DONT HAVE ONE! The question is general cause I have heard that before from my past and then I hear it all the time on here so that it. Can we just focus on what it is like everyone else is instead of me.
Feelin Frisky Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 what is a ego? I hear phrases like 'dont feed is ego' or 'calling him is feeding his ego' what is the mans ego? Everyone has an ego. The term is used negatively sometimes though to describe persons of either gender who have some kind of identity issue or something going on. It's really just like what we call "self-esteem". When I'm not feeling too good about myself some times--maybe like I don't feel anyone values me or care in any way, an unexpected compliment could change that in an instant. I tell myself something like "I sure needed that ego stroke". If a person however is routinely "needy" and feels like he or she is lost without getting some kind of compliment or positive attention we can say that this person is in some phase of "ego-mania" from one moment to the next. If he or she seems to be flying high on the good vibes people are giving them but even that doesn't seem to be enough and there is extraordinary attention-seeking, we might say this person is "egotistical". If some is sad and just not plugged-in socially it wouldn't be unfair to say that perhaps he or she is suffering from a "sagging ego". Ego is pretty much how one feels about him or her self in the context of social "place". We all have it. It's just a word that is often used as a weapon of insult to the point that some think it's "bad" just to have an ego. It's not. If we don't have an ego, then what would make us want to bathe, dress, compete, establish ourselves as somebody unique from the next person? Not much I think. Hope this helps. As for "calling him is feeding his ego"--that is something someone might say if they don't like the guy and just want to give you a reason to NOT make him feel just a little bit better about himself by hearing from you.
Recommended Posts