9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I was just thinking about this and although I love this site, I am beginning to wonder is it making me stay in the rut I am in. What do you guys think? Anyone think you just have to take a break from it to get yourself back together?
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 ha ha, I will get this started since we talked about this. I think it is VERY therapeutic, but at times I think I know the answers to my feelings I just need validated. It is kind of keeping my bad thoughts at hand. But I do LOVE it here!
Dorian85 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I agree with the above post. Sometimes posting on here is a great way to vent and frustrations im having. Also, giving advice to others about similar situations that I had helps A LOT. Its good knowing that in alot of instances what im feeling/going through isn't unique. Others go through the same things, and turn out ok. I think if anything, these forums motivate people to get OUT of a rut. I mean, its great to come here into an online supportive community and get answers to all of lifes problems. Then take all of the good advice that you get here and use it as motivation to do whatever it is you need to do to move on in life.
Leandro Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I love it here. I love giving advice. It makes me feel better.
Author 9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 ha ha, I will get this started since we talked about this. I think it is VERY therapeutic, but at times I think I know the answers to my feelings I just need validated. It is kind of keeping my bad thoughts at hand. But I do LOVE it here! Alisa your funny. I think maybe I just need to take a break. the holidays are hard right now due to the situation cause really I was doing really good until thanksgiving rolled around. Then i started checking fb and coming on here alot. So for the month of December I am going to stay off fb and here just so I dont do anything stupid. I may have to take it into my birthday month too. But December is out for now.
poorguy Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I've thought about the same thing. I don't think it keeps you in a rut whatsoever. What's going on on here is there's a bunch of people with a lot in common at this point in their lives and keeping each other supported from really all over the world. It's interesting to me that people in New York, where I am, are dealing with the same problems that people as far away as the UK are. It's people helping people (doesn't get any better than that) and as our lives will surley go on eventually you will see some people sort of fade from here, may be me, maybe you, and new ones arrive with guess what??.-the same problems.........We will all leave this forum eventually I bet because we have all healed and moved on and we will be better and stronger with ourselves to thank as well as the support of others on here.........Our exes on the other hand??? Kinda doubt it lol
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 When is your bday? If you go I will be thinking of you! You better come back with an update!
Author 9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 When is your bday? If you go I will be thinking of you! You better come back with an update! Alisa, Poorguy I changed my mind. I cant leave yall alone. my Birthday is Jan 23. By the way Im originally from NY and yes you meet so many people. I love it. It so exciting there all the time. I cant wait to go home again. I think I just fell in a rut cause I did some bad behavior around thanksgiving that taught me to not do it around christmas. So Im going to modify my other behavior. LS is the best!!
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 YAY!!! My birthday is January 16! When you say bad behavior, do you mean with your ex? Or something that you don't want to post... I just wondered because I displayed bad behavior and choices with my ex on the biggest party night of the year... only to be burned while I was eating turkey.
poorguy Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Happy Bday ahead of time to both of you!!! Yeah don't leave the forum-it's helping you, helping all of us!!
Author 9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 YAY!!! My birthday is January 16! When you say bad behavior, do you mean with your ex? Or something that you don't want to post... I just wondered because I displayed bad behavior and choices with my ex on the biggest party night of the year... only to be burned while I was eating turkey. Jan 16th!!!! Awesome! Well I was actually doing very well. I was actually feeling good and doing my own thing. Not thinking about my ex too much. What I did? (dont dog me too bad). After thanksgiving, I started checking his new chic fb page to see if she would post a profile pic of him and her together. She didnt. But I dug deeper to see if I could figure out if she was still with him or whatever. Anyway, it messed me up. His best friend called my Sunday and said he is with her but it is not like he is totally into it or something like that. It made me feel better but Im still in the rut. I just had to go snooping and I paid for it. She is fb friend with his friends and family and that eats me up so much. His best friend wouldnt lie to me cause in the past he has been honest with me even if it hurt but still. Sooooo now I know that in order to have a get back on track and have a good Christmas, I have to leave that alone. I got spanked!!!
bitteorca Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I've often thought about this. I think with me its because I need external validation. I can't come to my own conclusions internally. It's a problem I want to address. On a more general level, I think it helps initially. Just to write your feelings down. But I think lurking on here is just going to make you think about it more than it would if you did something else a bit more productive
WTRanger Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 LS is no different than your mind. So yes if you keep posting the exact same thing over and over and over and over on here it will keep you in a rut. All you are doing is rehashing the past thinking you will find the magic clue, or keeping yourself in full denial. However, if you use LS to post updates about the good and the bad and you allow yourself to take an open minded approach to what people say, then I think it can be a very healthy place for you.
Author 9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 I've often thought about this. I think with me its because I need external validation. I can't come to my own conclusions internally. It's a problem I want to address. On a more general level, I think it helps initially. Just to write your feelings down. But I think lurking on here is just going to make you think about it more than it would if you did something else a bit more productive Like I said, it is bitter sweet. you learn something, you grow, but you also visit the past if you do it alot. When I am down and out...I LIVE ON HERE. I dont have a life when I am doing that. Just posting like crazy
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Jan 16th!!!! Awesome! Well I was actually doing very well. I was actually feeling good and doing my own thing. Not thinking about my ex too much. What I did? (dont dog me too bad). After thanksgiving, I started checking his new chic fb page to see if she would post a profile pic of him and her together. She didnt. But I dug deeper to see if I could figure out if she was still with him or whatever. Anyway, it messed me up. His best friend called my Sunday and said he is with her but it is not like he is totally into it or something like that. It made me feel better but Im still in the rut. I just had to go snooping and I paid for it. She is fb friend with his friends and family and that eats me up so much. His best friend wouldnt lie to me cause in the past he has been honest with me even if it hurt but still. Sooooo now I know that in order to have a get back on track and have a good Christmas, I have to leave that alone. I got spanked!!! I like how WT says it... use it for progess, not to rehash! Perfect! Well your Thanksgiving doesn't sound as bad as mine! I invited him out... left my friends for him, drank to much, ended up at my place and got a night full of drunken I love yous and what I call it now... a goodbye eff. In the moment I thought "yay we are back." His "friend" was texting him all night and when he left in the morning he said he was going to get his son early... but later I found out he went straight to her house (sick)! I also got the I love you but can't be with you texts while I was eating dinner with the family. Ok, I am not going to talk about it again because I am rehashing... but I wish I just would have went with my friends and maybe even just resorted to a little bit of snooping. I just have to know that I can't act like that again or I will NEVER get over this.
Author 9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 I like how WT says it... use it for progess, not to rehash! Perfect! Well your Thanksgiving doesn't sound as bad as mine! I invited him out... left my friends for him, drank to much, ended up at my place and got a night full of drunken I love yous and what I call it now... a goodbye eff. In the moment I thought "yay we are back." His "friend" was texting him all night and when he left in the morning he said he was going to get his son early... but later I found out he went straight to her house (sick)! I also got the I love you but can't be with you texts while I was eating dinner with the family. Ok, I am not going to talk about it again because I am rehashing... but I wish I just would have went with my friends and maybe even just resorted to a little bit of snooping. I just have to know that I can't act like that again or I will NEVER get over this. yeah the good thing about doing something stupid....if you are smart...is learning from it and not doing it again. That is why I know Im not going to touch it. So you got to hang out with the ex for thanksgiving? That is bitter sweet. I guess his little friend is not all that. I know that doesnt make you feel a whole lot better but. How long was you together and why did you break up? I was with mines off and on for 5 years. the hardest I have ever love and the worst rel I have ever had. damm
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 (edited) Well, not Thanksgiving, but the night before. He left my house at noon on Thanksgiving... but was at her house by 12:30. Sick! Let me get the link to my original story... if you feel like reading it. Not rehashing, just sharing the story... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t253192/ Edited November 30, 2010 by AlisaMarie
Author 9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Well, not Thanksgiving, but the night before. He left my house at noon on Thanksgiving... but was at her house by 12:30. Sick! Let me get the link to my original story... if you feel like reading it. Not rehashing, just sharing the story... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t253192/ Alisa, you cant put up with that. He is playing with you. Dont let him treat you like a bottom btch. Put him in his place and come on LS so we can help you get past the issue. He is a jackass
poorguy Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Alisamarie...You are feeding into that clowns ego sooo hard and he's loving every second of it. Think about it-he's got two girls at his disposal at all times. Wow he must be on top of the world!! Bottom line he's a selfish tool and a douche...Leave him alone-that will kill his ego quickly
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Alisamarie...You are feeding into that clowns ego sooo hard and he's loving every second of it. Think about it-he's got two girls at his disposal at all times. Wow he must be on top of the world!! Bottom line he's a selfish tool and a douche...Leave him alone-that will kill his ego quickly Poorguy: You said in another thread that you had a feeling he would come back to me... did you change your view after seeing the whole story? 9lives: I know, and since that story...There was 2 weeks NC then I caved. He showed up at my house 2 times, then like I said, there was Thanksgiving eve.
Author 9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Poorguy: You said in another thread that you had a feeling he would come back to me... did you change your view after seeing the whole story? 9lives: I know, and since that story...There was 2 weeks NC then I caved. He showed up at my house 2 times, then like I said, there was Thanksgiving eve. the problem is that he has a girlfriend and therefore, your kitty kat is no longer his concern. He's got too much power and no respect for you. A man can love a woman he cant respect. You have to put a stop to this. He is a jackass
poorguy Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 As of now he is a total jackass and this is coming from a guy who's done what he is doing-like 5 years ago. I was loving it too. I had a live in girlfriend and my ex would come around and I was the man. You know what I really was though- a complete scumbag and a looser for doing that but she kept feeding into my ego so I kept on going with it. Real men don't do that type of thing (play with a womans emotions like that). My ex went away eventually though and man o man did I wonder what happened?? Where did she go??? I had it all..The crazy part was when I finally broke up with my current girlfriend I swear I truly realized what my ex was to me...EVERYTHING!!! Soo go AWAY now. If you love him and want him back that is your only SHOT
Author 9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 As of now he is a total jackass and this is coming from a guy who's done what he is doing-like 5 years ago. I was loving it too. I had a live in girlfriend and my ex would come around and I was the man. You know what I really was though- a complete scumbag and a looser for doing that but she kept feeding into my ego so I kept on going with it. Real men don't do that type of thing (play with a womans emotions like that). My ex went away eventually though and man o man did I wonder what happened?? Where did she go??? I had it all..The crazy part was when I finally broke up with my current girlfriend I swear I truly realized what my ex was to me...EVERYTHING!!! Soo go AWAY now. If you love him and want him back that is your only SHOT this is so true. disappear!
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Well, like I said, he said she is just a friend and they vent to eachother.. but why would he tell her he was sleeping when he was with me? And why would he go straight to her and lie to me about it? Uhh, guess I don't need to ask. I just hope he tries to contact me so I can ignore him. I know that sounds dumb.
poorguy Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 It's really that simple..Someone on here somewhere said a man won't love a woman he doesn't respect..True true...So show yourself some respect and send that moron a message..Now deep down he may be a decent guy, he's just on cloud 9 right now because your keeping him there...Go away, I'm serious Go away.Doesn't get any simpler than that...
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