What gives?

[flying]

The reality of the situation is starting to sink in. Before I was hoping she'd hit me up, now it's kind of meh..been almost a week..fagheddaboutit.

 

Things like this make me want to keep my emotions locked away, dating seems so much easier that way. Just feel, exploited? She got close to me, and slowly pulled away. Didn't even realize until she just started ignoring me.

 

Suppose she hits me up? What do I do? Lord knows I want to see her again, and enjoy the awesome sex we had one or several times. People tell me just blow her off like she did me. Or should I be cool and just treat the whole thing as a friends with benefits type of deal?

 

The difficulty with that is that you might get sucked back in to a more emotional relationship and then you're back to square one, minus self-respect.

 

I think a clean break is probably best for you - like Art said, she didn't really sound all that once you laid it out for us. You can do better. If she calls, just tell her you decided it wasn't working for you, so long, sayonara.

Edited December 2, 2010 by flying

[mr.dream merchant]

*Shakes head* I guess is what would be the beginning of a toxic relationship if it continued. Pretty happy I got rid of all her contact info, I had some pretty big urges to contact her recently. The feeling isn't a good one. Used, played, kind of left in the dark, alone.

[flying]

*Shakes head* I guess is what would be the beginning of a toxic relationship if it continued. Pretty happy I got rid of all her contact info, I had some pretty big urges to contact her recently. The feeling isn't a good one. Used, played, kind of left in the dark, alone.

 

*hugs*

 

I know it's hard to resist contacting, but this is a very classic NC situation...I really, really think you can do better, and you will.

[mr.dream merchant]

I used to be a very judgemental guy. I didn't start growing as a person until I came here, a couple years back..to help deal with my insecurity problems with my ex. Now, I don't judge at all. Instead I give the benefit of a doubt, and keep focused on the present.

 

Plus all of the stuff I told you all, I didn't mention that she said in her past she'd cheated on her exes. She said she didn't physically cheat, but she'd go out on dates with other men, see other men.

 

When she told me this, a red flag popped up. To me, it sounded like a person who can't be in a relationship, but rather wants to play the field, at the expense of other people's emotions and trust. But I looked the other way, told myself the past is the past, and she's a great girl now. Couple that with the fact she went clubbing all the time, and said she'd consume alot of alcohol. I know what it's like being single, and under the influence. Sigh, I really should've just went with my judgement and gut feeling on this one...

 

Guess I was wrong.

[flying]

I used to be a very judgemental guy. I didn't start growing as a person until I came here, a couple years back..to help deal with my insecurity problems with my ex. Now, I don't judge at all. Instead I give the benefit of a doubt, and keep focused on the present.

 

Plus all of the stuff I told you all, I didn't mention that she said in her past she'd cheated on her exes. She said she didn't physically cheat, but she'd go out on dates with other men, see other men.

 

When she told me this, a red flag popped up. To me, it sounded like a person who can't be in a relationship, but rather wants to play the field, at the expense of other people's emotions and trust. But I looked the other way, told myself the past is the past, and she's a great girl now.

 

Guess I was wrong.

 

Yeah, there's that middle ground, between assuming the best of people and assuming the worst...after my ex cheated, I had to really work on trusting my own instincts again. I vacillated between mistrusting everyone and telling myself I was just being paranoid about everything. But there is a middle ground...it just takes some work to get there.

[mr.dream merchant]

Well, I appreciate everyone's help. It says alot that you guys/gals took some time out of your day to help a random "Alias" on a computer screen.

 

It's apparent, she's moved on. Just disappointed she couldn't be completely honest with me, because that's all I ever was with her.

[mr.dream merchant]

Would it be a bad idea if she hit me up and we managed to rekindle what we had?

[flying]

Would it be a bad idea if she hit me up and we managed to rekindle what we had?

 

IMO - yes! I don't see that she treated you all that well, to be honest. Why sign up for that again??

[mr.dream merchant]

IMO - yes! I don't see that she treated you all that well, to be honest. Why sign up for that again??

 

It's not even clear to me. Logic says she's trouble, but I feel differently. The moments where we were intimate, opened up to each other, that's the person I think of when I think about her. My heart feels like there's still a chance...but how can there be when it's been a week and I haven't heard from her or seen her at the gym?

[Untouchable_Fire]

It's not even clear to me. Logic says she's trouble, but I feel differently. The moments where we were intimate, opened up to each other, that's the person I think of when I think about her. My heart feels like there's still a chance...but how can there be when it's been a week and I haven't heard from her or seen her at the gym?

 

DM... come on man! Your way better than that. Don't let some woman walk all over you.

 

The person you see should be the whole person... not just pieces.

 

As a whole she was pretty much crap. Find better.

[mr.dream merchant]

Aah I know UF but it's hard because I really did take a liking to her. We shared alot in common, loved to do the same things. So when you go from all good to NC in the matter of a week, it's weird to deal with. Half of me is saying "**** her" and the other half is wishing she'd hit me up :S I think about her a good part of the day. Sometimes my mind wonders and I find myself thinking about what she's doing or if she's dating someone else. The lack of knowing is what makes it tough.

[fishtaco]

It's apparent, she's moved on. Just disappointed she couldn't be completely honest with me, because that's all I ever was with her.

 

Happens all the time. Same thing happened to me, around the same time too. She was first hot, then the week before thanksgiving and thanksgiving week, she went cold. But they won't tell you. They just say "busy". But all the signs were there.

 

I saw her again at our usual Sunday hangout place where I met her, I gave her a bit of attention, but not as much as before. She still gets jealous when I gave other women attention, but that doesn't mean anything. Sometimes they don't want you but they also don't want anyone else to have you. I haven't bothered to contact her. Although I think I am going to observe good etiquette and call her to say let's be friends, maybe this weekend.

 

But luckily, I multi-date, so that didn't impact me. When she went cold, I just took someone else out on a date.

[mr.dream merchant]

Yeah that's what I'm trying to do but even when I'm with other women, I'm thinking of her you know? She just had so much more over these other women...

[ReadyforLove]

Yeah that's what I'm trying to do but even when I'm with other women, I'm thinking of her you know? She just had so much more over these other women...

 

 

I'm sorry but she's gone, it's done, stick a fork in it. I know you miss her but she's probably not even thinking about you at this point.

 

The diss regarding Thanksgiving should have been the nail in the coffin for you. She didn't respect you or your feelings at all. Please don't spend your time aching for someone of her caliber. You have to firmly believe that there is someone better for you out there. Good luck

[ReadyforLove]

Happens all the time. Same thing happened to me, around the same time too. She was first hot, then the week before thanksgiving and thanksgiving week, she went cold. But they won't tell you. They just say "busy". But all the signs were there.

 

I forgot to add OP:

 

"mad busy" (as your ex would say) = no longer interested.

 

A woman who likes you and wants to spend time with you will find the time to do so. Please keep this in mind for your future relationships.

[ReadyforLove]

Would it be a bad idea if she hit me up and we managed to rekindle what we had?

 

 

Yes.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure she will contact you at some point but it will probably be because she is in a dire situation, needs your help for something, or is bored and lonely.

[fishtaco]

Yes.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure she will contact you at some point but it will probably be because she is in a dire situation, needs your help for something, or is bored and lonely.

 

Yes, ReadyforLove is right. She may contact you again because she's not having successes in the dating scene and she needs an ego boost, so she comes back to you. Or sometimes she just needs someone to help her move her couch. Then it's your decision whether to participate or not. I'd say ego boost or other services for sex is a good trade. Doesn't have to be sex, but make sure you get what YOU want out of it too. If you don't think you can get what you want (let's say you want LTR only), then don't do it.

 

Also, mr.dream merchant:

1) if you multi-date, it takes the edge off of these situations when they happen. And I guarantee you it will happen again. Like I mentioned, I just switch to another woman. That's the beauty of multi-dating, at least one of them is going to be "hot" at any given time. If not, that means time to grow your roster.

2) You made the rookie mistake. You invested too much emotionally too fast. You have to realize, it's all fun and games until the exclusive talk. She's better than all the other women? I highly doubt it. You built her up in your mind. Just this fact that she didn't have the courage to be honest with you makes her less than desirable for the purpose of serious relationship.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Aah I know UF but it's hard because I really did take a liking to her. We shared alot in common, loved to do the same things. So when you go from all good to NC in the matter of a week, it's weird to deal with. Half of me is saying "**** her" and the other half is wishing she'd hit me up :S I think about her a good part of the day. Sometimes my mind wonders and I find myself thinking about what she's doing or if she's dating someone else. The lack of knowing is what makes it tough.

 

I know it feels like rejection and that is driving you crazy, but it's not. She didn't reject you... she just recognized her own lack of worthiness before you did. You would have dumped her at some point anyway... she just beat you to the punch.

 

I don't mean to sound rude or anything... but this chick just sounds awful to me as you describe her. You can easily find something better.

[mr.dream merchant]

Yes, ReadyforLove is right. She may contact you again because she's not having successes in the dating scene and she needs an ego boost, so she comes back to you. Or sometimes she just needs someone to help her move her couch. Then it's your decision whether to participate or not. I'd say ego boost or other services for sex is a good trade. Doesn't have to be sex, but make sure you get what YOU want out of it too. If you don't think you can get what you want (let's say you want LTR only), then don't do it.

 

Also, mr.dream merchant:

1) if you multi-date, it takes the edge off of these situations when they happen. And I guarantee you it will happen again. Like I mentioned, I just switch to another woman. That's the beauty of multi-dating, at least one of them is going to be "hot" at any given time. If not, that means time to grow your roster.

2) You made the rookie mistake. You invested too much emotionally too fast. You have to realize, it's all fun and games until the exclusive talk. She's better than all the other women? I highly doubt it. You built her up in your mind. Just this fact that she didn't have the courage to be honest with you makes her less than desirable for the purpose of serious relationship.

 

 

We were exclusive, then we got into an argument...she wanted to take a step back, not label things, learn each other a bit more...but it seemed like the more time I spent with her after that, I was into her more..maybe that pushed her away? Cause she brought up the not labeling things over the convo on the phone Fri night.

[mr.dream merchant]

Was thinking of sending her a text, it's not like I've been nagging her for the past week. I've been NC...a friendly "what's up?" text shouldn't hurt?

[carhill]

Why do you feel impelled to do this?

[ReadyforLove]

Was thinking of sending her a text, it's not like I've been nagging her for the past week. I've been NC...a friendly "what's up?" text shouldn't hurt?

 

It shouldn't hurt but it will when she doesn't reply to you. Don't waste a text on this girl. If she wants to get in touch with you, she will.

[ReadyforLove]

Why do you feel impelled to do this?

 

Because he misses her and he wants what he can't have.

[fishtaco]

We were exclusive, then we got into an argument...she wanted to take a step back, not label things, learn each other a bit more...but it seemed like the more time I spent with her after that, I was into her more..maybe that pushed her away? Cause she brought up the not labeling things over the convo on the phone Fri night.

 

Oh, sorry I missed the fact that you were exclusive. Then in that case that makes this even worse. Exclusivity to me means a serious relationship. If she walks away from this so easily... well, that says a lot about her character.

[mr.dream merchant]

Why do you feel impelled to do this?

 

Even though logic, and reality is throwing the fact that she's moved on in my face...I'm still in the dark here. Maybe some kind of closure? Maybe some more reinforcement that things are over when she doesn't reply? Maybe she'll reply and we'll ultimately end up talking again?

 

I feel as if there's still hope, and at the same time, I want to know for sure for sure that things are done. She never really gave me a direct answer, she just said we can still be cool and hang out. She's told me that before, and we still remained intimate, she even said when she talks to people about me, she refers to me as her "man". So all these mixed and crossed signals has me confused, I need some form of clear answer or closure.