What gives?

[mr.dream merchant]

I've been seeing this wonderful young lady for about 2 months now. A month and a half in we made it official, decided to put a label on things. A week after that we got into an argument, and by her call, we decided to not label things, and feel each other out more, take it slow.

 

Everything was going well. The physical attraction, when we hung out, everything just flowed. We'd schedule our dates for the weekend on the weeked prior, everything was golden lol..

 

Now things are very different. She's been...distant to say the least. Last time I saw her was Tuesday. That night I went over to her house, sat and talked with her, held her, kissed her, etc..everything was normal. Then Wednesday, around lunch time I hit her up, told her after work I was free that night, we should do something....no reply. Ok cool, I figured she was busy. Thursday, Thanksgiving, rolls by, we initially had plans for me to have dinner with her family. Around 6pm, I sent her a Happy Thanksgiving text (didn't hear from her prior to that). She replied, we shared maybe 3 texts over all. She told me she was watching a movie with her mother. I replied cool, hit me up when it's over....she never did.

 

So at this point, I'm thinking...what the hell man. Even if I were this busy, I'd at least send a text you know? Let someone I've been involved with for 2 months know I'm alive lol...

 

Black Friday rolls around, we both work retail. So I knew we'd be super busy. I hit her up around lunch time, let her know when I was getting off, same ol same ol, let's do something..I ended up getting off around 1 am, didn't get a single text from her...so I said "**** that, I'm calling her"

 

I called her, it rang, it rang, it rang, it rang, it rang, finally she picked up. Told me she just got off of work, I offered her a ride to her house since I was heading that way, she declined..told me she'd hit me up when she got home (15 minutes away)..hour goes by, she finally hits me back.

 

We share some texts, she told me she's been super super busy lately, I replied yeah I see that. She asked me what's up? I told her I wanted to talk to her and that I'd rather talk about it in person (This is Friday night mind you). So I said let's hit the beach, dinner on me, we can talk there. Her reply? I'm sooo busy tomorrow. Me? Ok. What about Sunday? Drive thru movie, on me. Her reply? Aaah I would but I'm gonna be really busy.

 

So then she pushes to see what I wanted to talk about, so I call her. Phone conversation goes as follows:

 

Me: Hey

 

Her: What's up?! *male voice in background*

 

Me: *Noticed male voice, plays it cool* Not much, just wondering how you've been, it's been awhile since I've seen or heard from you.

 

Her: Yeaaaaah, I knooooow, I've been mad busy lately.

 

Me: Heh, I noticed, I hit you up a couple times but you didn't reply, I figured you were really busy. How was your Thanksgiving? *wondering why our plans didn't fall through*

 

Her: It was really good. Mom's dinner was super good. The movie was good. After the movie I went out downtown

 

Me: *Wtf look on face, but cool* Word? How'd that turnout?

 

Her: It was ok, I had a good time...

 

Me: Heh, I thought I was supposed to come over and eat your food. Are you throwing a party or something? Lol *Questioning voices in background*

 

Her: Oh, I'm watching Twilight *voices disappear* What did you want to talk about?

 

Me: You know, I've noticed how...indifferent, distant, you've been lately. Is everything alright?

 

Her: Yeah, you know, I didn't think it'd be that big of a deal if you didn't hear from me, sorry...I've been mad busy.

 

Me: So busy you can party but not return a text? Lol *joking tone of voice*

 

Her: Oh....well....you know, I just want to be cool, take things slow. With me it takes like 6 months to get serious with someone, remember? No labels?

 

Me: Yeah, of course, understandable. Besides, I thought that's what we were doing? Just having fun, no labels, till the wheels fall off type of deal.

 

Her: Yeah...but you know, in my experience, the way things have been going for us, after our arguments, I can tell that in the long run it won't last. Our personalities bump heads.

 

Me: I don't think so. I mean, we really enjoy ourselves together. Arguments are a natural part of any relationship, they're gonna happen. We handled the arguments well you know? Why let these bumps in the road shake you up?

 

Her: It's just what I know...I know from experience how things are gonna play out.

 

Me: So what exactly are you trying to say here? You're distancing yourself from me so I slowly get the hint and disappear type of deal, you want to keep your options open? What's up?

 

Her: We can still be cool and hang out, I just don't think we should label things...it's not like I'm trying to ignore you, I've just been really busy with work, and school lately.

 

Me: Alright then, see you when I see/hear from you I guess.

 

 

 

After that I proceeded to get very high with a couple of my friends, in an attempt to smoke my frustration away, it only made me ponder on the situation at hand some more. I ended up sending her texts, laying everything down on the line. Telling her how much I like her company, and if she wants me to disappear or see other guys, then just let me know and I'll be gone..etc.

 

She replied the next morning with the hardest to read text I've ever received -

 

"I'm sorry but I'm only going to repeat myself."

 

After that I had it. I don't know how to decipher this female code language lol, so in what I thought was best for me at the time, I deleted her number.

 

I like her, and I can feel my emotions starting to get involved. But if her heart's not in it like mine, I have to protect myself. All of that last bit was Friday night, it is now Tuesday morning and I haven't heard from her.

 

I really don't know what's going on. All I know is that she's "busy". But I can feel her indifference towards me. A couple friends, male and female told me she's keeping her options open. May be, but she would've told me. She's always been very honest with me, a no nonsense type of girl.

 

So as of right now, I'm back on the market..and playing the field. I already have two girls I'm talking to/involved with but to be honest, I only want her...and even though I'm fooling myself thinking I don't care that she's gone, I really do..cause I like her and want her to be mine. :S

 

Dunno how to read what's going on. Any and all help would be appreciated.

[kiss_andmakeup]

She's just not into you. Maybe in the beginning she thought she was, or maybe she really just led you on this whole time. Who knows? She's clearly not interested now. When she says:

 

"We can still be cool and hang out, I just don't think we should label things...it's not like I'm trying to ignore you, I've just been really busy with work, and school lately."

 

Translation: "I don't want to burn any bridges with you but I am not interested in you romantically. I would like to keep getting attention from you but only on my terms or when I need a self-esteem boost. When I say I'm busy I mean that I don't want your attention at the moment."

 

I think you went about everything in a very constructive, cool way. You really couldn't have played it any better. She's just fickle and immature, from the sounds of it.

[flying]

I agree with the previous poster - sounds like it's time to let this one go. For whatever reason, she's done and there isn't anything you can really do about it at this point.

 

I'm wondering about the argument, though. You obviously didn't think it was a big deal, and you kind of glossed over it in your OP, but her response suggests that she did see the argument as a big deal, and even that she thinks it's a pattern? Maybe it's worth thinking about that a little more?

[kiss_andmakeup]

I agree with flying, I'm also curious what the aforementioned argument was about.

[carhill]

What was the argument about?

 

How recently was she out of a relationship with another man when you started dating? How did she feel about that ex?

 

If you're under 25, expect this to happen a lot. Learn from it. What can you apply from this experience to the two other ladies you're in contact with?

[Andy_K]

You've basically been dumped. Should she decide to contact you again, treat any potential interactions with her as FWB, no more than that. And absolutely no discussions of 'feelings' or 'where things are going' on your part.

 

Or you can just move on and go NC.

[gentlewaters]

That's sad that you and her are not on the same page.

 

It happens though. Is there any way ya'll can just be friends? If she calls you back later in the future and decides she wants a "labeled" relationship with you, would you?

[gentlewaters]

I'm wondering about the argument, though. You obviously didn't think it was a big deal, and you kind of glossed over it in your OP, but her response suggests that she did see the argument as a big deal, and even that she thinks it's a pattern? Maybe it's worth thinking about that a little more?

 

Yeah. this too

[mr.dream merchant]

Sigh.... *hangs head*

[Untouchable_Fire]

Sigh.... *hangs head*

 

Hey... don't get down about this. I just got tired of dealing with the lies and selfishness, and cheating so... I don't date American Women anymore... cause most of them are crap.

 

Guess what? I'm in an AMAZING relationship. She is way hotter... and not crazy or selfish. Also... Not born here.

 

Just give it a shot. Good chance you will be happier.

[alexlakeman]

Cliff's notes?

 

By what I skimmed, my hypothesis is that you got dumped gently , lol.

 

Oh my, you sent her a "stoned-text"? LOL oh boy... I've done the "drunk texting" , not pretty, lol..

 

At this point I think it's clear, move on...

 

Next time... you send ONE text, maybe two, or one phone call, and put the ball in HER COURT... she can call or text if she wants to see you; no need to get a written via text or verbal confirmation stating "Let's be friends", lol...

 

Your in Broward, so a lot of women around the area

[Jannah]

What was the argument the two of you had before all of this went down?

[alexlakeman]

You've basically been dumped. Should she decide to contact you again, treat any potential interactions with her as FWB, no more than that. And absolutely no discussions of 'feelings' or 'where things are going' on your part.

 

Or you can just move on and go NC.

 

 

What he said, any time (well, most of the time) you are the dumper or dumpee, keep them on the friendly side, and do NOT call THEM, blow them off. Let them call you.. You'll be in the "safe" zone to have sex with them until they find the next guy... I've had one come back in between b/f's, lol.. but I never call her..

[flying]

Sigh.... *hangs head*

 

Um, seriously. What was this argument about?? I'm starting to suspect that it was probably pretty important after all.

[mr.dream merchant]

What he said, any time (well, most of the time) you are the dumper or dumpee, keep them on the friendly side, and do NOT call THEM, blow them off. Let them call you.. You'll be in the "safe" zone to have sex with them until they find the next guy... I've had one come back in between b/f's, lol.. but I never call her..

 

No kidding. It's hard not to be down and out about it though, I had a thing for her. I got rid of everything, call history, text history, her pictures, number. I'll know when she hits me up, she has a certain way of texting. Sometimes I hope that she does, sometimes I don't lol. But these other two women I have now, they're really not something I would seek as far as long term goes. They're more of the fun, passing time kind of girls.

 

I really can't stop thinking about how..sudden it was though, you know? Everything was great. And then..she just stopped contacting me. How do you go from holding someone, kissing, being affectionate, to NC? That's crazy to me.

[Jannah]

So....what was the argument about?

 

[mr.dream merchant]

We actually had 3 arguments. Forgive me but I don't even feel like explaining, just thinking about those ontop of how things ended is pretty frustrating lol. Just to give a quick run down in chronological order

 

1. Her thinking I'm too young for her, due to her experience, and her obvious gift for telling the future, she knew that we wouldn't make it as a serious couple

 

2. Guy I don't like who knew we were together was hitting on her, she told me, misunderstanding, argument.

 

3. She was talking about her not so glamorous past (I didn't ask about it). I asked her to stop ahead of time because her past didn't concern me and I didn't like what I was hearing. She got upset with me..

 

She also got upset with me for not wanting to argue? Like, one of those arguments took place on a night where everything was going really well, and she just has this, argumentative personality, so what I do is tell her instead of arguing with her, I'm gonna let her calm down and we can talk about it later. She got upset with me over that...

 

We always bumped heads because she always had to tell me about myself. You ever met someone like that? It's like she had me all figured out, she would go into this mode like she cracked open a manual for me and started telling me about why I am and why I do things...*rolls eyes*

 

It irked me, but I put up with the small annoyances because over all I liked her alot. But she would always home in on the small things, and just keep picking at them, nagging over it, and we'd get into this stage where I'd say how I'm feeling..and she'd listen, then criticize it..instead of being understanding about things. Then she'd go into her little "I can see the future" and "Where's my manual on Mr. Dream Merchant?" modes...

 

 

Ugh just thinking about it kind of annoys me.

[Jannah]

We actually had 3 arguments. Forgive me but I don't even feel like explaining, just thinking about those ontop of how things ended is pretty frustrating lol. Just to give a quick run down in chronological order

 

1. Her thinking I'm too young for her, due to her experience, and her obvious gift for telling the future, she knew that we wouldn't make it as a serious couple

 

2. Guy I don't like who knew we were together was hitting on her, she told me, misunderstanding, argument.

 

3. She was talking about her not so glamorous past (I didn't ask about it). I asked her to stop ahead of time because her past didn't concern me and I didn't like what I was hearing. She got upset with me..

 

She also got upset with me for not wanting to argue? Like, one of those arguments took place on a night where everything was going really well, and she just has this, argumentative personality, so what I do is tell her instead of arguing with her, I'm gonna let her calm down and we can talk about it later. She got upset with me over that...

 

We always bumped heads because she always had to tell me about myself. You ever met someone like that? It's like she had me all figured out, she would go into this mode like she cracked open a manual for me and started telling me about why I am and why I do things...*rolls eyes*

 

It irked me, but I put up with the small annoyances because over all I liked her alot. But she would always home in on the small things, and just keep picking at them, nagging over it, and we'd get into this stage where I'd say how I'm feeling..and she'd listen, then criticize it..instead of being understanding about things. Then she'd go into her little "I can see the future" and "Where's my manual on Mr. Dream Merchant?" modes...

 

 

Ugh just thinking about it kind of annoys me.

 

Oh. Well then why the heck did you want to still date her?

[Untouchable_Fire]

I really can't stop thinking about how..sudden it was though, you know? Everything was great. And then..she just stopped contacting me. How do you go from holding someone, kissing, being affectionate, to NC? That's crazy to me.

 

You jump into bed with another guy.

[mr.dream merchant]

Oh. Well then why the heck did you want to still date her?

 

To shed some light. She's 23, I'm 22. She's 1 year and 8 months older than me, and she would always mention it, then assume some form of superiority in dating and experiences over me...lol.

 

She also:

 

Is an only child living with a single divorced mother. Treats her pets poorly, borderline abuse. Ex boyfriend of 4 years was 10 years older than her, a gangbanger from South Bronx who beat her. Is a recently retired club/party animal. Would show me off, tell me how hot it was that I made other women jealous of her :S

 

Any of this shed some light on things?

 

Like I said, she was very honest and conservative with me, so I don't have any reason to believe it's cause of another guy/banging another guy that all of this is happening. But then again, I truly know nothing because when you're left in the dark, all you can do is speculate.

[flying]

To shed some light. She's 23, I'm 22. She's 1 year and 8 months older than me, and she would always mention it, then assume some form of superiority in dating and experiences over me...lol.

 

She also:

 

Is an only child living with a single divorced mother. Treats her pets poorly, borderline abuse. Ex boyfriend of 4 years was 10 years older than her, a gangbanger from South Bronx who beat her. Is a recently retired club/party animal. Would show me off, tell me how hot it was that I made other women jealous of her :S

 

Any of this shed some light on things?

 

Like I said, she was very honest and conservative with me, so I don't have any reason to believe it's cause of another guy/banging another guy that all of this is happening. But then again, I truly know nothing because when you're left in the dark, all you can do is speculate.

 

Yeah, it does clarify things a bit...and I have to say, the part where she's always trying to tell you about yourself makes her sound pretty darn annoying. But what that really is, I'm guessing, is that she feels insecure about those things in her past, and is pre-emptively picking a fight with you about them so she doesn't feel so badly.

 

It sounds like, despite the two months you had with her that you generally enjoyed, she's got a lot of baggage to work through, and a lot of immaturity still. I'm sorry for your disappointment, but for all that she says you're too young for her, I suspect it's really the other way around.

 

I think you're better off out of this one, honestly.

Edited December 1, 2010 by flying

[Art_Critic]

What happened?... You're out.. new guy is in...

 

This is what is called being replaced...

Sux.. but consider yourself lucky..she doesn't sound all that... all the other shiot is just her blowing you off hoping your will get the hint..

[mr.dream merchant]

You know, I never brought this up but I apologize. Maybe this will have some more for your speculation.

 

The whole indifference, and change in her personality came about maybe about 3 weeks ago. She used to work out all the time, every day of the week. Rewind 3 weeks back, she got a private/personal Kickboxing/Fitness trainer. I know as much as she told me about this guy -

 

1. MMA fighter

 

2. Mutual friend of family through friends

 

3. He gave her the "hook-up" and she pays $20 a session for 2 hours each at his "private" gym once a week.

 

The whole idea of this kind of bothered me, but I never spoke on it. I didn't want to look insecure you know? But at the same time, I felt that for her to put herself in a suspect position like that was only putting unwanted strain/stress on things.

 

After she got this trainer, she just changed. She stopped going to our gym, she said she "hasn't been working out". And the last time I took her out, we barely got intimate, infact, she was distant then as well. When she was laying on me, usually she falls asleep, but that night she was just looking off into the distance.

 

This is all just speculation now, perhaps paranoia...why does it matter now? Don't ask me. :S I'm just kind of down and out about the whole thing. I haven't really been able to focus at work, and I've been having terrible work outs at the gym. I just can't wrap my mind around why someone who seemed to be enjoying themselves that much would...distance their self, and disappear like that.

[Jannah]

To shed some light. She's 23, I'm 22. She's 1 year and 8 months older than me, and she would always mention it, then assume some form of superiority in dating and experiences over me...lol.

 

She also:

 

Is an only child living with a single divorced mother. Treats her pets poorly, borderline abuse. Ex boyfriend of 4 years was 10 years older than her, a gangbanger from South Bronx who beat her. Is a recently retired club/party animal. Would show me off, tell me how hot it was that I made other women jealous of her :S

 

Any of this shed some light on things?

 

Like I said, she was very honest and conservative with me, so I don't have any reason to believe it's cause of another guy/banging another guy that all of this is happening. But then again, I truly know nothing because when you're left in the dark, all you can do is speculate.

 

It doesn't sound good.

[mr.dream merchant]

The reality of the situation is starting to sink in. Before I was hoping she'd hit me up, now it's kind of meh..been almost a week..fagheddaboutit.

 

Things like this make me want to keep my emotions locked away, dating seems so much easier that way. Just feel, exploited? She got close to me, and slowly pulled away. Didn't even realize until she just started ignoring me.

 

Suppose she hits me up? What do I do? Lord knows I want to see her again, and enjoy the awesome sex we had one or several times. People tell me just blow her off like she did me. Or should I be cool and just treat the whole thing as a friends with benefits type of deal?