aeion Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 So recently life has been great since my traumatic summer breakup from my ex. Been seeing someone i really like, although we arent commited to each other since we both agree to just have fun at the moment. Ive been working out and gained about 10 more pounds of muscle which seriously boosted my self esteem. Performing alot (dancer/actor) and getting alot of attention from women wherever i go. So in short, im lovin life. Recently though my ex called me in a very depressed mood, i answered since although i would be lying if i said i was over her completley, i AM over the breakup itself. She wanted to hang out so i invited her to breakfast before class (im sure by this point you are shaking your head, but i figured thats the least intimate of meals). We basically just caught up on life: laughed alot, was honest with each other about career goals we have for the future etc. It was a good time, so good we ended up spending the day together. I never once brought up our relationship although we did talk about events we did while we were together. It never got weird, in fact it was really nice. By the end of it tho, we ended up holding hands when i was driving her back to her apartment and since then she has been acting differently toward me whenever i see her around campus. Mind you i havent initiated contact since that day. She always gives me the "together hug" (you know what i mean: the long, arms around my neck hug, not one handed friendly hug) and i pass by her work sometimes when i need to get something from the student store and she literally runs out of her job just to again hug me and say hello. I mean she is really going out of her way... On top of it all, she wants to spend xmas break hanging out as much as we have time for. Im a lil confused, i do know she is no longer seeing the dude she left me for mainly cuz he was an ass (big surprise). I dont want to get back together, at least not before ive seriously enjoyed single life again, and its really been fun. But whats the deal? is it grass is greener reveresed? anyone do the same thing to their ex?
poorguy Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 How long were you together? If she left you for some douche and you've been living your life in the meantime and she sees that than yes- GIGS without a doubt
Author aeion Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 We were together for a year and a half. She dumped me once to be uninhibited at the college party scene. I was already an emotional wreck due to my best friend passing in January. She asked me back in July, got bored and dumped me two weeks later for this new dude. I spent all summer alone, to really explore myself, minus some visits from close friends, but i managed to come to terms with a lot by september, my ex included. I starting working on mysel and achieved the heraled v.2.0 of mysel and all. Im glad others are noticing a signiicant change in me and i guess she is too?
Dorian85 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I think that she is probably in the transition stage of the break up what i mean by that is: She has to be 100% sure that there is nothing left between you two before she moves on. And if you are giving her that opportunity to see, then she will take it. People like what is comfortable and safe. A lot of the times, we rely on people like that to fall back onto if things get to rough. NOT saying that you are fall guy lol, I just mean that in relationships its pretty common that after a break up, eventually you will re-connect to that person because at one time or another, you felt such a connection to them that it made you feel awesome. And if you are the type of guy who was always there for her, she will remember that. If things arn't going good in her life with other relationships, she knows she has you to turn to. Just be straight up with her next time you see her and ask her what the deal is?? are you just friends? or is she expecting more? From the sounds of your story, it looks like she is expecting that you two will eventually get back together. If thats true, I would let her know sooner then later what YOUR intentions are.
Author aeion Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 I feel you. I guess im still trying to figure what i want with us too. Although i dont want to get back together now, i still dont know if that could eventually change. hmmm... At the same time, i DO want to be on friendly terms and i want to be a strong force of good in her life. I dont wish ill on her at all becuase in many ways i understand why she wanted to experience college single for awhile, since we got together early freshman year. I mean people are people right? anyone have a similar experience?
Dorian85 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I feel you. I guess im still trying to figure what i want with us too. Although i dont want to get back together now, i still dont know if that could eventually change. hmmm... At the same time, i DO want to be on friendly terms and i want to be a strong force of good in her life. I dont wish ill on her at all becuase in many ways i understand why she wanted to experience college single for awhile, since we got together early freshman year. I mean people are people right? anyone have a similar experience? I actually have a similar experience. Which is why Your story caught my eye lol. The ex wen't away to the Caribbean for two months. I was eventually going to meet her down there a month into her trip. She was going there for school work, to do research. Anyways, 2 weeks into her trip, she acts all weird. Started saying she didn't think it was a good idea that I came down anymore....which confused the HELL out of me because prior to her leaving she was excited i was coming down, we made all these plans to do things together while we were there. She then began to tell me she wasn't happy anymore and she thought we needed a "break" for the time that she was there...and when she got back, we could work things out. Of course I found out later that she met some other guy and was pretty ga ga over him lol. So, as a result she fed me some bull**** story about how " I wouldn't really like it here, its wouldn't be my thing, lets take a break to explore our feelings...blah, blah, blah" lol. All B.S of course. She wanted to be free to mess around with whoever while she was there and not feel guilty about it. So knowing all of this, I said see you later! Haven't looked back since my friend. The only thing that really bothers me is the manner in which it all happened. Its like, we were dating for over a year....and all of a sudden it just ends over some bull**** like that. Left me bitter for a while. But you live and learn.
Author aeion Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 damn dude, that sounds like rough times. i guess my main concern is whether she is attracted to the new me or the old me. Part of me wants it to be the old me since i had to go through hell (mainly because of her) to get to this new me. So im thinking " why do YOU get to enjoy this new version of me when you wouldnt even stick around to help me through my tough times?" I do still love her. No doubt. and im over the break up itself, but i kinda feel like its cheating to dump your ex and ask them back when they overcame the emotional trauma left by you and life. you know? I guess that day really confused me. and whats worse is that last time we hung out (a week prior) practically the same thing happened: we went to dinner started talking, and when i was driving her back we were cuddling in the car. I didnt initiate conact then either cuz quite frankly i was already down that path when she asked me back and i just dont trust it anymore. You think its best to just lay it out on the table?
andyohyeah Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I am kind of guilty for doing this when I was younger. I broke up with my gf for some lame reasons but it was really to pursue another girl. After about 2 months of the new girl I realized she wasn't right for me and I missed my ex. Ex ending up taking me back but since I hurt her so bad she left me six months later. To this day I haven't heard from her and its been 9 years. If you get back together man which it sounds like she wants I would be extremely careful and make sure its actually love.
Author aeion Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 (edited) Yeah, thats a serious question i need to answer. Do i really want her back? or do i just want what i lost? Im slowly getting clarification here, im also reading my old posts and im thinking about how hurt i was and how helpless i felt. I think the biggest hinderance to my feelings toward her is that she left me for someone else, she didnt think we werent right for each other. Being put in second place was a serious blow to my ego, especially to the type of guy she left me for. When we talked that day she told me she lost her head for a little bit. She claims she learned so much about herself, which i want to beleive. Problem is she also knows that ive been seeing other girls, and apparently she's been overhearing girls talking about me/asking her if we are really over (we are both in the same major at school) which i heard from mutual friends. So im like "are you just not trying to lose me? or are you acting flirty due to genuine attraction again?" or am i just reading way to far into this? but... holding my hand and cuddling seem too blatant to misinterperet u know? Edited November 30, 2010 by aeion
SmileyGirl Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 damn dude, that sounds like rough times. i guess my main concern is whether she is attracted to the new me or the old me. Part of me wants it to be the old me since i had to go through hell (mainly because of her) to get to this new me. So im thinking " why do YOU get to enjoy this new version of me when you wouldnt even stick around to help me through my tough times?" I could not agree with you more!!... I went through a similar situation during a break up and I couldn't even tell you the changes I made after.. in fact I'm a public speaker at our local rehab center on second chances... My favorite saying is... "if you couldn't accept me at my worst you most certainly don't deserve me at my best"... Good luck to you!
fiat500 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Dating someone in college is the worst idea ever. I've regretted it immensely. This guy and I were both interested in each other early in the spring and I had my reservations since he was going away to live at his university in the fall. I told him it wouldn't be a good idea because he had to experience the college life single. I emphasized this and he insisted things wouldn't be like that since he wasn't a teenager. Well here I am heartbroken because the @$$ didn't listen to me and came to the conclusion two weeks ago that he had to experience the college life single. Feels awesome.
twinrexes Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I really would think about the fact that she took off when you were "an emotional wreck" over losing your friend. Sure, she now gets to enjoy the new version of you. Stronger, faster, better than before. But what happens if life throws you another curve ball. Will she bail on you again?
Dorian85 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 damn dude, that sounds like rough times. i guess my main concern is whether she is attracted to the new me or the old me. Part of me wants it to be the old me since i had to go through hell (mainly because of her) to get to this new me. So im thinking " why do YOU get to enjoy this new version of me when you wouldnt even stick around to help me through my tough times?" I do still love her. No doubt. and im over the break up itself, but i kinda feel like its cheating to dump your ex and ask them back when they overcame the emotional trauma left by you and life. you know? I guess that day really confused me. and whats worse is that last time we hung out (a week prior) practically the same thing happened: we went to dinner started talking, and when i was driving her back we were cuddling in the car. I didnt initiate conact then either cuz quite frankly i was already down that path when she asked me back and i just dont trust it anymore. You think its best to just lay it out on the table? Just lay it out man, thats the best scenario. At the very least, you will know 100% where you both stand. But I would be careful if I were you. If she is the type of girl who still has a lot of regrets in her life and thinks that she hasn't "lived" enough...I would proceed with caution, because in the end, you'll get screwed over.
twinrexes Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I really would think about the fact that she took off when you were "an emotional wreck" over losing your friend. Sure, she now gets to enjoy the new version of you. Stronger, faster, better than before. But what happens if life throws you another curve ball. Will she bail on you again?
Author aeion Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 yeah the fact she bailed on me during that period was really f-ed up. and she def is the type that regrets many things since she makes decisions based purely how she feels at the moment. And a voice in my head is telling me that she regrets leaving me as well, but again, its how she feels that moment. Thats why i havent initiated contact.
twinrexes Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 OK, so you get that she's impulsive and that you don't want to get back together right now because you're having too much fun single. At least you're clear about things. Sounds like you're just wondering why she flip-flopped. Well, sure, the grass is always greener, it's part of our nature as humans. I've had guys do that with me, where after some time and distance from the relationship and even though THEY wanted to end it, they start showing interest again. And usually it's because I've started looking more attractive to them. Not that my looks changed but they got a chance to admire me from afar, see that other guys are interested, realize that I'm having a great time without them, and so on. And so they start to ask themselves, did I do the right thing? Maybe I should sniff around a little and check this situation out again. Seems like she's happier and more stable now (and of course that's more attractive than when you're a wreck). Since this new guy didn't work out, what could be easier than to go back to good old familiar, and now new-and-improved you?
Author aeion Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 The funniest thing regarding that is i would have given anything for a day like that with her again... but that was like 4 months ago when i was still really pining. Now im kinda like "yeah id be down to get back together eventually, but frankly you really f-ed up, leaving me for another dude is something i dont think i can forgive. Even cheating to me isnt as big of a blow to my ego as that" Im just going to play it safe and let her initiate contact again if she wants. if it gets to such an intimate space again, ill ask what her intentions are. Otherwise perhaps its best if i just dont read anything into it.
Author aeion Posted December 19, 2010 Author Posted December 19, 2010 update: We hung out again, this time two days in a row. The second day was a dinner/movie type of deal... same kind of behavior (long embraces, flirting, and a lot of laughter) Again, A very nice time. I left to go upstate for a gig and she then texted me wishing me a to have a good time. Not going to see her again until the new year (we are on school break). Im starting to get a lil suspicious
callingyouuu Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Im starting to get a lil suspicious My honest opinion is that you should get out of this situation as soon as possible. She dumped you. Twice, if I read correctly. As much as you hope it might be, I don't think the third time is the charm. That said, I could be wrong. If you choose to stay with her, you really need to not pretend like nothing went wrong. I know you're afraid that you'll "ruin" anything good you have going, but if you want to make it out of this breakup better than you did last time, you need to find out why on earth she came back. What I think she will tell you: "Because I was completely wrong about leaving you for the other guy and I realize now that all I want is YOU YOU YOU SMILEYFACE!!1!" What I think is the truth: "Meh, I just wanted to take the other guy out for a test drive. The goods weren't that appealing, so I'm coming back to Mr. Safety until I find someone better." Take my advice however you like, but realize that I'm just trying to help.
Author aeion Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 Actually, thats exactly what i needed to hear. Im not pining anymore, and frankly id rather keep it that way
bl22 Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 aeoin let me say youve done very well. I hope to be in your position few months down the line, a new and improve version of me been goin gym 5x a week and strict with my eating plans, goin out more etc. My situation is basically exactly the same as yours, my ex is impulsivei and i fully expect her to be back 1 day because what we had was fantastic. Heres my advice for you, dont give too much away to this girl. Keep a healthy distance, keep showing her that you deffo DONT NEED her to be happy anymore...and you'll look even better to her, play this right and she could be wrapped around your little finger worshiping you. Now you need to ask yourself? Do i stil trust her? I can tell by your confusion and questions on here that the trust is destroyed and rightly so. But if you do plan on persuing this, just make sure you never let your guard down for a good while, until it gets mega serious if possible (engagement marriage) and NEVER stop improving yourself. Just because shes back doesnt mean for you to stop persuing goals, making yourself better. As long as you love yourself, you will always be happy and happiness will find you. Its clear you really like this girl, and now your alot more experienced in what to do and what not to do. You seem like a good guy, dont go hurting her back, 2 wrongs dont make a right, but follow my advice. Lastly can i ask, how did you handle the breakup?
Author aeion Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 Well, we broke up twice. The first time we hardly gave each other space and kept hooking up, the second time (2weeks after asking me back) she called me on the phone to dump me because she was going to see this new guy that night she knew i wasnt around that day to meet, i acted devastated during the break up but didnt call her or text her or anything for 6 weeks. Thats when i found out we had a class together (class size being like 8 ppl) so i figured id want to repair things at least so we could both be civil to one another. We met, i acted cool, told her i get why we ended and that i shouldve ended it awhile ago when i had doubts (the usual BS). It was a good talk, i told her about some amazing oppurtunities and changes ive made just during those 6 weeks of NC. we say hey on campus and met for lunch like twice just to catch up. Again, im proud to say i didnt even once act like i waas hurting at all. And now this.
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