flow15 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Right so I posted here back in September completely heartbroken after my ex broke up with me after a year together. He ended it because we were arguing constantly, for many reasons which I won't get into now.. I was devastated as I thought we could sort out these arguments, but it was too much for him, he told me to leave him alone so I did. Anyway I went NC and a month later he contacted me to see how I was, we went back to NC and a month after that he contacted me again to see how I was. By this time I had him pretty much out of my mind, I was pretty certain he wouldn't be coming back so I was just focusing on moving on, and I did actually start seeing someone for a bit but that ended cos I kept comparing him to my ex. Then a month after that we bumped into each other, he just broke down and started crying, apologised for being so nasty to me in the break up, told me he still loved me, missed me, thought about me all the time and dreamt about me a lot. But said he was happy being single and independent as he hated all the pressure from being in a relationship. However he said that what we had is very rare and doesnt want me to move on, or walk away. This obviousy left me very confused.. as I never expected him to come back, let alone him tell me everything he said. This was two weeks ago, and since then we have been discussing online/on the phone whether to try things again, although we both agree that it is very high risk as we could end up arguing again and having to break up again, and neither of us wants to go through that hurt again. However we are not ready to walk away just yet. We are gonna meet up in a few days time and have a talk and discuss whether we should get back together. I think to make it work we need to take it slow, give eachother space.. he obviously liked the fact he had no pressure so I feel I need to back off (as I did get quite clingy in the relationship- which led to arguments). What can I say to convince him we can make this work, or what can we do to make this work?? What is the correct way of going about making a 2nd chance work?? Thanks and apologies for the long post!!
Jdw_Icequeen Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I think you shouldn't try to convince him when seeing him. Talk to him calm and rational as you did before and try not to get over emotional about anything. Make sure what he really wants is a second chance and isn't stringing you along. Do your best to not buy into anything that you know will hurt you in the end. Taking it slow is the only thing that really can be done though. Most importantly realize your past realationship is in the past and to move on you both will need a fresh start. A new relationship. This dosen't mean you guys can't admit what went wrong in the past relationship. Just don't focus on it. Focus on that as what you want to accomplish in the future. Good luck too you.
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I don't know... every time there was a second chance for me and an ex, it never worked. It's like you broke up for a reason, and those reasons never seem to go away. I have given second chances to almost everyone that has left me... and guess what... they leave me again. Sometimes love prevails, but I don't like the fact that he told you he loves being single. It's like he's bragging that he is fine without you, but then turns and cries to you about how much he misses you? My ex did the same stuff. Told me he was happier without me then in the same week knock on my door because he had to see my face. If you are going to work things out... take it super slow. No sex right away... and just "date." You can't pick up where you left off. You will just end up hurting again. It has been a while since you broke up... so this time will either make it or break it. I wish you the best either way.
fiat500 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 He's being a child. If he wants to try again then he should try again. you both have nothing to lose at this point. when you meet up with him, DO NOT convince him or use logic to try again. This pushes away people even further and does not work. Just let him say whatever he has to say. Be calm about it. Be happy with where you are right now without saying it. question, flow15, i take it that after the breakup you and him did not remain friends?
Author flow15 Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 He's being a child. If he wants to try again then he should try again. you both have nothing to lose at this point. when you meet up with him, DO NOT convince him or use logic to try again. This pushes away people even further and does not work. Just let him say whatever he has to say. Be calm about it. Be happy with where you are right now without saying it. question, flow15, i take it that after the breakup you and him did not remain friends? No we did not remain friends, when he broke up with me I was devastated so was begging with him to reconsider and tried to convince him we could make it work, but I realised I couldn't do that and he told me to leave him alone as he had no other choice. So I left him alone as he told me to move on, and we had no contact whatsoever, until a month after he messaged me asking how I was. And then anohter month without contact and he messaged me again asking how I was, as I said in my original post. Thank you for the replies
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