dng Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Hey folks, We broke up in July. She moved out right away, and started seeing someone else a few weeks later. Knowing this is what is making me feel bad. Especially, the intimate part, so soon after we parted. I'm thinking about it in weird terms too, like someone else was wearing my clothing or something gross like that. Is it normal I'm still thinking about this? I'm not dead inside anymore like I was in the beginning, I'm actually doing ok mostly. I think about her all the time, mostly when I'm on my own. Do I need to try and give myself a major jolt? I don't want her back or anything like that, I don't want to break NC but she's still on my mind all the time. tl;dr: 4-5 months after its over, should a healthy minded person be completely over it?
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 It's ok to not be over it. If you truly loved her you will always think about her. Don't be too hard on yourself. My breakup was in July too, but we drug it out for months and I never had any time to really heal and get over it. I am sure you are in a much better place now than you were in the summer, think of it that way.
PegNosePete Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 My breakup was in July too, you are certainly not alone in not being over it.
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I am sorry guys... I wish it would go away!
SimonSerenade Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 It's completely natural, At least I hope it is cause I'm still hurting over my ex and she left back in August, She shut me out completely and I got no sense of assurance that she wouldn't do anything stupid, No meaning to what our 3 years mean't, I got nothing which made thing's hard to move past, I feel I've got past all the worst part's, Feel's like she's moved on and found somebody else but I'll never know cause I have a feeling she'd spare my feelings if that was the case rather than just come right out and tell me. I feel much better now than I did back then at the start of the break up, Time's are hard cause we have a child together and there's nothing more heart breaking to me than a broken home but I've accepted now that she don't love me any more nor did I make her happy and I want her to be happy so if this make's her happy then I'll sure as hell be happy for her, I know now that I'd never take her back as I would never want to go through this pain again and I know that's what I'd have to go through if she ever wanted another shot. I still have a hard time without her, Just last night I had a dream of reconciliation and it was an amazing feeling and when I woke up I felt so horrible, I don't feel so much heart broken any more, I feel more let down that she didn't care enough to attempt to save the relationship, I knew what I had and cherished it every day but if she couldn't see that too and do the same then it's clear I was just wasting my time, efforts and feelings.
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Ohhh those retched dreams! As if he isn't on my mind all day and then the only escape I get is while sleeping... there he is! I had a dream the other night I was running down an alley and he shot me in the back of the head. Maybe it's a sign... I am running... I see him, and it just ends up hurting me more. Sometimes I dream that he is saving me... and sometimes I dream that he is terribly hurting me. Sometimes I just dream that we are together. It doesn't help with the healing process at all!
Margot Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Hey. I'm also part of the club of dumpees of July...It has been almost 5 months since he left me. I know that I'm better than the first month but I still think of him every second. What really hurts the most is that I believe that he's with the girl he cheated on me with (He hasn't confess that he cheated but I found some suspicious messages and behavior). I dream about him from time to time and sometimes about them being together and doing the things we did together. I have been in NC since the beginning but he constantly contacts me but I just ignore his messages. I just hate that he tells that his doing a lot of stuff to keep his mind busy and that he spent a lot of time watching sports game. He has not given me an apology and doesn't tell that he's with her when I know that they hang out. He think he can fool just to keep me hanging if things don't go well. Well maybe is better not to know but that doesn't stop of think of them. What calms me is that I fell like I'm making progress, that I have achieve a lot in my professional and academic aspects, and that I set goals for my future. But that doesn't stop me of feeling hurt, betrayed, and disappointed. I just can't believe that after 6 years together he can keep going with his life (Well that's what I believe, but they only know that), while I'm hurting this break up. Heads up...Were are going to get thru this some time. We must be patient and believe that there's something better for us. I keep in my mind that it's his lost not mine. I believe in some way that he knows that too.
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 See, that's my problem Margot, everytime he contacted me, I CAVED. There was one time where I ignored his messages for a week, but I couldn't do it. I felt like if he wanted to work things out who was I to shove him aside, even though that's all he EVER did to me. I also regret being to easy to take him back. I was scared to question him and I just acted like everything was find and dandy. Ohh the things I wish I could do different and take back.
Margot Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 See, that's my problem Margot, everytime he contacted me, I CAVED. There was one time where I ignored his messages for a week, but I couldn't do it. I felt like if he wanted to work things out who was I to shove him aside, even though that's all he EVER did to me. I also regret being to easy to take him back. I was scared to question him and I just acted like everything was find and dandy. Ohh the things I wish I could do different and take back. AlisaMarie: You know that I have been ignoring him for 5 months. I know that is not easy and I truly believe I can be nominated for the NC Awards for it. I used to be needy, and kept contacting him the first week but then I said to myself: "Hey you have some dignity and you are worth a lot...he likes that you are always following him and begging him. Well enough is enough" Yes sometimes I feel bad for not answering him but then I think about how he lied to me when were together, how bad he treated me, and how he manipulated me to believe that it was all my fault. I now he acts like my bff and like nothing happened? He hasn't apologize for anything and wants to talk to me about everything when at the end of the relationship he ignored me? That's the things you have to keep in my mind when you feel tempted to cave. If you believe that you want to get back at him, well you know that it will required a lot of effort, dedication from his part. If he doesn't demonstrate any of that don't feel bad about not answering him. Just remember how you felt when he rejected you... If you feel the need to cave, just write here. Write anything. Hey here at LoveShack no one knows you and you can feel free to say everything that that you feel in your mind, heart, and soul...Because sometimes our friends and family get tired of us, and here well we are all on the same boat.
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Thanks Margot... He apologizes every time he ends it again. "I am sorry I came into your life." "I feel that you feel you got nothing good from me." He's not sorry! He's trying to make me feel bad for him! Pitiful. Every time I think I am going to cave, I am going to think of you and your awesome 5 months! You do deserve an award!
bella16 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 My breakup was also in July.. wow! Must be the month to breakup! But it took me a while to get over it... Id like to think that I am over it now after 4 months, but I still catch myself thinking about him and the memories we had. You don't have to be over now or even next month.. it will happen when it happens. I just try and live my life like I was before I met him. I go out on dates, keep myself occupied and hopefully will move on.
thatsonlyme Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 for some people it takes longer than for others to get over. all you can do now is focus on your ultimate goal, being happy on your own. you don't need her to be happy, even if it appears like you do at the moment. your life can be better without her, you need to understand and accept that. My break up was on august 20th (if I remember correctly ) and I can finally say I'm completely over it. I went through my grieving process and let it happen naturally but it took a lot of work from my side. I went out whenever I had a chance, alone if nobody was there to go with me, I met new people, I learned to socialize better and talk to pretty much every person I encounter. Now she's just a distant memory, even our photos don't hurt. I have no desire to be with her whatsoever. I'm content with my life and I just need to improve my social and sexual life. I don't date yet, but I do flirt with girls all the time and getting girls interested in me boosts my self esteem. I'm not sure I'm ready for dating and relationship yet so I'm taking it slow. stay strong and trust me, you'll get in a better place. I know that I did.
SimonSerenade Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 They always come back at some point, For me it's always been the point where I've gained my self respect back and won't let myself down for anybody in the world and that's the point I'm at right now, Hopefully you guy's will get to that point and not budge for them, No more being a push over.
collegeguy_24 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 My ex left me in August, on the 8th. I understand your pain. I'm still in love with her, and I see her all the time which makes not seeing hard. We don't talk, but its difficult. Its normal to miss your ex if they left you, I hear it takes time, so just stick with it.
AlisaMarie Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 My ex left me in August, on the 8th. I understand your pain. I'm still in love with her, and I see her all the time which makes not seeing hard. We don't talk, but its difficult. Its normal to miss your ex if they left you, I hear it takes time, so just stick with it. Aww, I am sorry collegeguy. Sounds like you're doing pretty well though! Good for you!
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