Lots0fLove Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Here I go I am going to spill my gut's and please don't criticize and look at me any different this is like writing in a journal for me. I was in a 8 month relasionship in acception there was some time in between those months where we have not seen each other, in the beginning it was all sweet and dandy as any relasionship should be we clicked very well. I was very giving to him as to the fact he had a child he was not working and was still living at home with his father at the age of 28. Which I didn't mind at the time because we grew some sort of Love for each other where he started saying he loved me one month into the relasionship furture more I kept one taking care of him there when he cried about his custody problems and family issue's I was there financally. He was into drugs and all the wrong things which I wasnt and he marked me as negative on that part which I don't know how that would make me negative if I refuse to do things that I choose not to do. December 31st I broke in the New Year with him he was drunk and he champed my ear off about his daughter and baby mama I wanted some sleep and he got upset that I didnt want to smoke with him etc etc so he go's out and does it on his own than he asks me for 20bucks for volume which I refused but he kept beging like a child so I said screw it he has my keys I threw him the dough and gave him and attitude and went to sleep, he comes back in a depressive mode and tells me he will be in the bathroom instead he leaves I wake up 6am to find he was no where in my apartment so I was worried, scared and confused so I called his uncle to see if he was there and he wasn't he was at some guy bar in my neighborhood to make a long story short after that day we got into an arguement cuz I called his uncle and his dad was mad that he ran off some where. However after that I didn't hear from him in weeks months until March 4 I recieve a collect call from westchester jail and it was him and he called to talk to me and I was like what happened to u blah blah blah " lol " between the time he was away I did not know where our relasionship stood so I did my thing to date but when he called I was surprised and happy but yet unsure he comes out of jail in late March and wants to see me beginning of May we go to Manhattan I treat him to the Olive Garden we get our couple picture drawn we had a good time he than make's our relasionship offical in August again he wanted to start over which I know there was a lot of jumps in August I find out I had a std cureable one at that but the doctors orders u must tell ur mate and I really didnt want to knowing it would jeprodize our relasionship and it did he cursed me and called me every name in the book but I could of gotten it from him or the lover I was with while he left me in that gap period so we break up in august. Now I find out he is dating a Woman up the block from where I live I have not seen them together but being that the internet is so social that is how I found out I was so heart broken that he would get with someone I know but not someone who was like a best friend just someone in my neighborhood and it bothered me and still bothered me like crazy and I know I am being selfish but I did not want to deal with his pot head losar ways but I didn't want to see him with no one else either so he calls me and tells me why I had messaged him one day they broke up cuz of that he is single blah blah blah I told him they will get back together and they did anyway I requested his friend today innocently and he writes me a message to not request his friends and to get a life and I spazzed out on him with anger and putting him down and in his place for all the heart ache he put me threw and how he is a wonderer cuz our relasionship was up in the air and yes I did a mistake but is he gonna punish me forever well I put him in his place he didn't like it he told his older woman lies that I said harsh things about her which I didnt I was knocking him and no on else and it caused a big drama where she called her mother her mother called a neighbor the neighbor called my sister and my sister told me yeah pretty pathetic he could not handle all the truths I brought to his attention n he caused frustration and drama to my life. I just dont know why I am in such a heart ache that he is with some one else and I am not while I have many good qualities about myself yet I am lonely while I do date but I stay stuck on losar and Idk if I was wrong to play him or was it meant to happen so it could of ended out like this cause he wasnt the right man for me he feed my mind so good in the past and I think that is what I was gassed upon. I want to be happy again I want a man to worship me and the floor I walk on someone who can compromise and actually be there and not in and out my life is it wrong that I feel so much sorrow and is it wrong that I am jealous he is with someone else someone in which lives on my block. i dont know many thoughts run threw my mind but I believe this is all the healing process and since he stooped low to make this a bigger drama I now know where we stand and atleast I told him how I felt from my heart which I held back for so long. I am sorry I rambled I just had to let it out and hear what others have to say please be gentle I am very fragile thank you take care... Maria
Leandro Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I would really like to read your story, but can you space it out a little? It would help a lot.
cerridwen Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 (edited) Hi Maria, Welcome. Don't worry about being judged. There are many people here wrestling with similar feelings because of similar situations. Too many of us stayed in bad relationships and were not treated as we should have been. It can really take a toll on your self-esteem. And then it really messes with your head when the jerk moves on and you're left feeling hurt and forgotten. You're right: Feeling jealous, angry, and sad is all part of the process of getting over the break up and moving on. So, it sounds like even though it's painful for you, you know all these emotions are eventually helpful. How long have you been broken up and have you decided that you're going to avoid contact with him? Edited November 30, 2010 by cerridwen
Author Lots0fLove Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 I am sorry it wont let me edit I tried it said my editing time limit expired =/
Author Lots0fLove Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Thank you soo much for your reply, we been broken up since August 20, 2010 and I thought I was over him but I always think of the past good times we had which I read that we shouldnt do that I am feeling very empty and vounerable altho I date I just am not paying attention to the person I am with cause I am stuck on stupid lol yes I have blocked all contact from him and looking forward to changing my number he seems to remember it by heart and calls me unexpedically if I spelt it right =/ and I just want to start fresh and new and altho it may take me months to get over him I know I will cause I have with past relasionships just the hardest thing is to start over. It really means a lot that u wrote in response being that I rambeled so much lol. xoxo " Whoops I didn't mean the Thumbs down idk how I did that and how to change that " =/ Sorry! Hi Maria, Welcome. Don't worry about being judged. There are many people here wrestling with similar feelings because of similar situations. Too many of us stayed in bad relationships and were not treated as we should have been. It can really take a toll on your self-esteem. And then it really messes with your head when the jerk moves on and you're left feeling hurt and forgotten. You're right: Feeling jealous, angry, and sad is all part of the process of getting over the break up and moving on. So, it sounds like even though it's painful for you, you know all these emotions are eventually helpful. How long have you been broken up and have you decided that you're going to avoid contact with him?
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Maria, Reading your story then comparing it to my own makes me sad. I don't understand how we can in one sentence say how much we love them and we had such a great thing, then turn around and say what losers they are. Love is so strange, and blind. I think we fall in love with the feeling of being in love. That seems to be so strong that even though the guys are total douche lords we still think we want/need them. I am sure you are better off. It sounds like you did a lot for a man that was obviously unworthy and selfish. Don't get me wrong, I know we are not always perfect, and you have admitted to some mistakes, but guys just move on and seem so happy while it takes ever muscle in our bodies to even think about dating again. You are probably better off without this guy, you know this- it's just going to take lots of time to realize. Too bad he lives on the same block, that makes it very difficult to not run into him. You want to try to have zero contact so try to avoid seeing him, and seeing his new girl. This will only prolong your healing.
goingstrong Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 LOL, you really will got a lot more responses is you use punctuation. Nothing fancy, just some periods and capitals to separate you thoughts.
Author Lots0fLove Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Thank you for your thoughts, I know I am better off with out him but it just hasn't clicked with in me I just having to go threw the healing process its eatting at me that he moved on so easily makes me feel like what we had was nothing. Thanks for ur wise words xoxo Maria, Reading your story then comparing it to my own makes me sad. I don't understand how we can in one sentence say how much we love them and we had such a great thing, then turn around and say what losers they are. Love is so strange, and blind. I think we fall in love with the feeling of being in love. That seems to be so strong that even though the guys are total douche lords we still think we want/need them. I am sure you are better off. It sounds like you did a lot for a man that was obviously unworthy and selfish. Don't get me wrong, I know we are not always perfect, and you have admitted to some mistakes, but guys just move on and seem so happy while it takes ever muscle in our bodies to even think about dating again. You are probably better off without this guy, you know this- it's just going to take lots of time to realize. Too bad he lives on the same block, that makes it very difficult to not run into him. You want to try to have zero contact so try to avoid seeing him, and seeing his new girl. This will only prolong your healing.
Author Lots0fLove Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Sorry was rambling wasnt thinking about all that stuff lol LOL, you really will got a lot more responses is you use punctuation. Nothing fancy, just some periods and capitals to separate you thoughts.
cerridwen Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I thought I was over him but I always think of the past good times we had which I read that we shouldnt do that I am feeling very empty and vounerable altho I date I just am not paying attention to the person I am with cause I am stuck on stupid lol! I've read this advice over and over from professional therapists so I'm passing it on to you. It should help with the memories: "Get rid of those memories. This may be difficult for some until they learn how easy it is. We tend to hold onto the good times almost becoming dependent on our past. You may relive and replay over and over memories. Your mind may be so habitualized to the relationship that you are in a deep rut and your mind can't seem to get out of it. So you need to do some very practical techniques to create new pathways in your brain to heal. Therapists often use what is called a "thought stopping" technique. It is simple and yet very powerful. Here is how it works: the minute a memory or unwanted thought comes into your mind, you consciously tell yourself you do not want those thoughts and bring an image into your mind to cancel them out. You could imagine a big circle with a red X though it, or maybe an eraser erasing the thought on a black board, or a tide coming in and wiping out words on a beach.. whatever works for you, find an image to erase the thought and memory."
Author Lots0fLove Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Thank you that sounds very helpful yeah I reanalayze what went wrong and what could of been and of course the good times I will do this method and tell u how I am doing soon I also learned from my therapist to dwell on a situation for 3 days and let it go which it works for me but when i have a lot of free time on my hands i think of the past. I've read this advice over and over from professional therapists so I'm passing it on to you. It should help with the memories: "Get rid of those memories. This may be difficult for some until they learn how easy it is. We tend to hold onto the good times almost becoming dependent on our past. You may relive and replay over and over memories. Your mind may be so habitualized to the relationship that you are in a deep rut and your mind can't seem to get out of it. So you need to do some very practical techniques to create new pathways in your brain to heal. Therapists often use what is called a "thought stopping" technique. It is simple and yet very powerful. Here is how it works: the minute a memory or unwanted thought comes into your mind, you consciously tell yourself you do not want those thoughts and bring an image into your mind to cancel them out. You could imagine a big circle with a red X though it, or maybe an eraser erasing the thought on a black board, or a tide coming in and wiping out words on a beach.. whatever works for you, find an image to erase the thought and memory."
9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 my ex and I called it off for good Aug 19 2010. The way I FINALLY figured out how to handle it was to just tell myself he is DEAD!!! im serious. Dead people dont call, you cant get back together with dead people and you can move on much more easier. Give it a try!!
cerridwen Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 my ex and I called it off for good Aug 19 2010. The way I FINALLY figured out how to handle it was to just tell myself he is DEAD!!! im serious. Dead people dont call, you cant get back together with dead people and you can move on much more easier. Give it a try!! okay, that's brilliant. Dead. He's dead. If he's dead, why am I looking at my phone to see if he texted? The man's dead fool! Try it Maria! I'm going to keep at it for the rest of today. THanks 9Lives!
9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 okay, that's brilliant. Dead. He's dead. If he's dead, why am I looking at my phone to see if he texted? The man's dead fool! Try it Maria! I'm going to keep at it for the rest of today. THanks 9Lives! I swear it seems to be working. I just thought about it today and WROTE IT DOWN. Sometimes you have to trick your mind and psychie to get all with your life. marc is dead!!!
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I swear it seems to be working. I just thought about it today and WROTE IT DOWN. Sometimes you have to trick your mind and psychie to get all with your life. marc is dead!!! Ha ha! I told my ex he was dead to me during one of our stupid break ups. He tried texting me and I said "whoa.. how could a dead person be texting me?" And you can still love and miss this dead person, but to you...yes, they are dead.
9Lives Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 well they mind as well be dead. Nothing good is coming out of them being in your life. Misery now. Dismiss the dead
Author Lots0fLove Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 I Agree the Dead role is good and we do have to trick our minds to believe they are gone for good thank you, I will state it here Vincent you are Dead to ME!!!!!! well they mind as well be dead. Nothing good is coming out of them being in your life. Misery now. Dismiss the dead
9Lives Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I Agree the Dead role is good and we do have to trick our minds to believe they are gone for good thank you, I will state it here Vincent you are Dead to ME!!!!!! No Lotsoflove. Vincent is not dead to you. VINCENT IS JUST DEAD!!!
Author Lots0fLove Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 Sorry didn't know lol VINCENT IS DEAD!!! No Lotsoflove. Vincent is not dead to you. VINCENT IS JUST DEAD!!!
Recommended Posts