missmysty Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Hi there, I desperately need any help that I can get. I am in a serious long-term relationship with a man I live with. A great, wonderful, faithful man who caters nearly to my every need (though can't handle my flood of emotions). I am quite the emotional girl, which he understands he signed up for. One of my biggest pet peeve's is pornography. It makes me feel degraded and mostly inexplainably envious of the girls in the porno's. My boyfriend had stopped looking at porn (I know this is true, considering we use the same computer and there is no evidence in our history and I do trust him sincerely). But I stumbled across his old archive, which in its properties said hadn't been opened since before we were dating. I know I shouldn't be upset about this, but I became instantly insanely jealous of everything I found there!! I already felt insufficient enough as a female, considering my very small frame and form (especially my extremely small chest), and I found a bunch of pornographic material relating to 'hentai' and lesbians. This makes me highly uncomfortably because these girls are nothing like me. I feel like I'm not good enough for my boyfriend anymore, because I'll never look anything like them. I'll never be as big as them, or half as beautiful either. I feel so ugly and worthless now. It's as if I stumbled upon an old stash, hidden beneath the dust, which revealed to me that I'm not his type. I mean, how could he find those girls attractive and then find somebody as plain and flat as me attractive? My jealousy over this is absolutely killing me. I need it to go away along with my insecurities, but I don't know how!! I want to be these other girls for him, I'm so envious of them and their looks! Why'd I have to be born an ugly duckling?
oldguy Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 (edited) First there is the porn issue, that can be a real addiction for some and if so it can a real problem both in a relationship and for the individual. However, your problem sounds like it is more of a self image issue. There no way for anyone to tell from what you have written but if I had to guess I would say that your bf's old porn stash included a diverse variety and that you may have focused on the ones that where most different from you. However I'm sure this did not make you feel very good. I would also bet that your self image is distorted. I recently heard an actress say that the one thing she would have changed about her appearance when she was young was her smile, ironic that is considered one of her most attractive features today. I'm just thinking you might want to start cutting yourself a little slack. You know what the say about, "ugly ducklings", they are actually beautiful swans. I think you should find ways to be nicer to you. Edited November 30, 2010 by oldguy
Woman In Blue Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Being quite honest, why does your boyfriend have to give up his porn just because you have self image issues? Stop visiting your insecurities on HIM and making him pay for your problems. Seriously. Get help for YOUR issues and quit making him pay the price for them.
paleblue Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I think you are getting a little carried away.. especially since it was before your history, and it doesnt seem like he is looking now. besides, they're just pictures. to me it's no different than the chick calendar in my garage.
love4me2c Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I used to feel like you do. Then one day I recognized that some people are just more visual than others. Most men I know like to have sex with the lights on, like to watch porn or look at pictures on occasion. This isn't a big deal. Now if he were watching porn rather than being intimate with you, that is a different story. Most, if not all porn, is fantasy. It isn't that they'd prefer them to you. Some people, my BF included, watch some really weird stuff with Trannys. But you know, whatever floats your boat... Try not to be so concerned with this. It really is no reflection on you whatsoever!
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