gentlewaters Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Hey I have an issue. Sigh. I hate this kind of thing. My boyfriend is long distance, and at times that is soooo boring. (long distance is boring; my boyfriend's awesome! He's not boring at all.) Anyways, there's this guy who I started getting to know on a dating site before I met my boyfriend, and he lives nearby. He rubbed me the wrong way, saying my Dad, who is bipolar, just needs to get his life together and all that blankety blank that REALLY offended me, though I didn't let on. I just ended it, though I still wanted to be his friend. No way is there any romantic future with a guy who is going to talk bad about my Dad (who is a wonderful Dad and great at his job, even though he has this disorder) but everybody is entitled to their opinion, and as long as he doesn't directly hurt anyone I love, fine he can be a friend. Anyways, we have been facebook friends for a long time. He doesn't know that I have a boyfriend. I haven't put it on my status and don't plan to unless our relationship gets more serious. (Right now, since we're long distance, it's not a serious long term relationship at the moment, though hopefully it will eventually be.) Anyways, I posted something on my wall today and he commented, which was the first time in a year or so. So I asked him how he was and he replied and invited me to go with him to this place that I love. Sigh. So, what should I do? I don't know if he still likes me. I would like to go with him just as a friend! I would like to pay my own way and have fun with him with no worries that he thinks anything more of me than just a friend. Also, should I tell my boyfriend? Guys, if your girlfriend was in this situation, what would you think if she went? Should i just tell him thanks but no thanks but have fun! I wish I could go with my boyfriend!" No, I know that's not very nice. Maybe he does just want to go as friends. Do I just blatantly ask him? What would be the best way to reply to him? Thanks
somedude81 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Uh, if he doesn't know that you have a boyfriend, then he thinks you are single... Odds are he doesn't want to go anywhere with you, "just as friends." Tell him that you have a boyfriend, and that you will go with him to this place, just as friend. If he still likes you, I don't think you should go anywhere with him if you are certain you don't like him that way.
Author gentlewaters Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Uh, if he doesn't know that you have a boyfriend, then he thinks you are single... Odds are he doesn't want to go anywhere with you, "just as friends." Tell him that you have a boyfriend, and that you will go with him to this place, just as friend. If he still likes you, I don't think you should go anywhere with him if you are certain you don't like him that way. Yeah, that is what I am afraid of. So, would this be an ok reply? "Thanks C______ for the invite! I'd love to take my boyfriend there sometime when he comes this way to visit. We can meet up there as friends if you want. :)" How's that? Is that ok?
Author gentlewaters Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Ask your boyfriend what he would do. Lol that's a good idea! Oh wait. Hmm. I'm not sure I would like it if he goes with a girl who liked him somewhere he loves, even though he just liked her as a friend. Hmm. I know other girls too well.
somedude81 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Yeah, that is what I am afraid of. So, would this be an ok reply? "Thanks C______ for the invite! I'd love to take my boyfriend there sometime when he comes this way to visit. We can meet up there as friends if you want. :)" How's that? Is that ok? Yeah, that's good. It gets the point across that you are not available and you want to be just friends with him. If he still wants to go, then he knows what's up.
carhill Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 What would be the best way to reply to him? 'Thanks for the offer. I'll check with my boyfriend and get back to you' Then, do that....
Seamless74 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 No offense I know the female brain works differently sometimes good sometimes bad, but your being really lame... Why have you never told him your situation.....?? theres only two reasons 1.) classic "dick in the jar" scenario in case of emergency which it seems your quickly approaching break glass and get some.. 2.) or your an attention whore... your leading him on and not even knowing it.. Im sure your little brain thinks its ok but how would you feel if the roles were reversed??
Author gentlewaters Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Thanks everybody, Ya'll all have great advice. I've never asked my boyfriend anything like that before, so it's going to be interesting if he asks a lot of questions (and yeah I'm not sure how telling him oh I met this guy on a dating site but I don't like him anymore, I like you, though I just want to be a friend to the other guy) is going to go over. He's not the jealous type though. I am more, which he knows and which I keep in check for the benefit of both of us lol.
Author gentlewaters Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 No offense I know the female brain works differently sometimes good sometimes bad, but your being really lame... Why have you never told him your situation.....?? theres only two reasons 1.) classic "dick in the jar" scenario in case of emergency which it seems your quickly approaching break glass and get some.. 2.) or your an attention whore... your leading him on and not even knowing it.. Im sure your little brain thinks its ok but how would you feel if the roles were reversed?? Well aren't you sweet? Go away. The other men who are giving their advice are appreciated. You are just insulting and not even worth the time responding to.
Author gentlewaters Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 (edited) I think " attention whore" is too harsh, but the OP's passiveness really jumps out at me. Why befriend someone whom you completely disagree with? If someone rubs me the wrong way, I walk away and keep them out of my life. Especially if they disrespects my family and friends. Too harsh is an understatement my gosh. This guy didn't mean to insult my Dad. He just doesn't understand what bipolar disorder is, I don't think, or how to deal with a person who has it. Since both my Dad and a sister have it, I have no choice but to learn and to deal with them and love them, and I know it's more complicated than what people who don't have loved ones who have this disorder think. Anyways, friends don't always agree with each other completely. Sometimes friends do completely disagree in different areas. Do you agree with your friends on everything? Now with a relationship, I'd like the guy I am with to be able to come to family events (like Thanksgiving dinner if he can) and who I can trust to understand the disorder that affects my family. My boyfriend, before I decided that I liked him enough to date even long distance (I think long distance is difficult) and I talked a lot about bipolar. He has a brother who is bipolar and so he understands a lot, which is just one thing of many that I really appreciate about him. Edited November 30, 2010 by gentlewaters
Author gentlewaters Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 OP, are you trying to gage a reaction from your bf or are you trying to be honest with him so that there are no lies in the relationship? Both. We are still getting to know each other. The reason why I asked this question on the forum is because men are mysterious creatures and it helps to ask them on an anonymous forum what is the best to do. My priority is to have a great relationship with my boyfriend, so that's why instead of just diving in, I like to get advice. Normally I would go to my friends for advice, but I just thought it'd be interesting to hear from complete strangers (and most of my friends are girls, not guys.) Gentle, you're going to learn that there are people who support tough love on this forum, and whether you like it or not, you're going to have to accept it. Paper, I do not have to accept it! There's this handy dandy ignore option here, and I know how to use it lol. Tough Lovers beware!
Recommended Posts