Gotti25 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Here is the Situation. I've been with my H for about 7 years we just got married about a year ago we have had a tough past lots of fighting and arguing but we always managed to get trough and stick together. We both met when we where very young I am in my mid 20s and he is 30 never cheated on each other or anything out of the ordinary. Well about 4 months ago I met this very sweet cute OM in a bar didn't think anything was gonna happend between us we just ended up hooking up. After that happend I felt guilty of course and promised it would never happend again and I will let my H know. I did let him know he was upset but forgave me. So about 2 weeks later the other OM calls and tells me he had something to say to me he was waiting outside at 3 in the morning so eventually that went into having sex for the second time!! Again I couldn't believe now from this point Im already having some kind of feelings for this OM so of course my H finds out that it happend Again for the second time he gets extremely violent and furious at me starts trowing **** at me and stuff and he ends up texting the OM that he was gonna kill him and he needs to leave me alone asap. So the OM did never called or texted in 3 months neither did I but was tempted too. Well just this past weekend he called me at 4AM couple times I didnt recognize the number at first then I was thinking what does he want after 3 months of not talking to me. So my H sees that of course and immediately starts treatening him and sending him terrible texts again the OM responds back and tells him If u do that I'll call the cops on you. This other OM lives very close to me which makes it worst couple ave away. I am always scared to run into him. So I felt bad about this whole situation and sent a text back to the OM apologizing for my H behavior. Still hasn't responded back is been 2 days!! I dont know what to think of this!!
woinlove Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 What do you want? It isn't clear. Do you want to end your marriage or try to stay married?
shoelove Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 woinlove is right, it's not at all clear what you want to happen here. But it's pretty clear that if you continue to see this man or even accept his calls or texts, something violent is going to happen. Violence is never justified, but if you know your husband has a propensity for that and you continue, the blood might very well be on your hands as well. Whether or not you stay with your husband or he stays with you, stay out of this situation!
spice4life Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 You should go NC completely with this guy before it gets any worse. Instead of focusing your energy on him you should focus it on your marriage and figure out why you went down this road to begin with. Do you still love your H? He seems to be sticking by you even though he knows about the two incidents involving the OM. I don't know, the OM sounds a bit crazy for continuing to contact you after your H told him off several times. The best thing you can do, and the more healthy choice, is to figure out what went wrong in your M and make a decision from there. Have you and your H ever thought about counseling? If he doesn't want MC then maybe IC for yourself will help. Either way, I would not contact this guy because it sounds like your H might end up doing something rash and that is not good at all. It appears you will be playing with fire if you stay in contact with this guy. Protect yourself and protect your husband by staying NC, so he doesn't end up in jail for beating the living tar out of this guy. You at least owe him that for standing by you so far.
Woman In Blue Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 So I felt bad about this whole situation and sent a text back to the OM apologizing for my H behavior. Still hasn't responded back is been 2 days!! I dont know what to think of this!! Are you kidding me?? You apologized to this pig for your husband's "behavior?" How do you THINK your husband should react when this complete asshat thinks NOTHING of texting you at 3:00 or 4:00 am - while you're in bed with your HUSBAND - because the jerkoff is looking to get LAID????? You think your husband is proud to be married to a woman whose a random booty call at 3:00 am for some neighborhood a*sshole who couldn't get lucky at the bar that night?? And now the jerkoff is back sniffing around again, looking to get laid once more, and is calling again at 4:00 in the morning? What a cowardly little weasel. Only a complete douche bag calls a married woman at 4:00 in the morning, looking for sex. I actually DO hope your husband teaches this greasy little coward the proper meaning of "respect," because his mother certainly didn't teach him how to respect others. I find it a little hard to believe you're having "feelings" for some guy you've banged once or twice and always at 3 or 4 in the morning. And it's quite clear the ONLY thing this pig wants from you is a quick ride and then off to the showers. Have some self respect for God's sakes.
Author Gotti25 Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Women In Blue maybe your right but why would he tell me that he was in Love with me. Our last phone contact was 3 months and he just said I just want to tell you I love you and it hurts me that you can't be with me. Is that a lie trying to get into my pants. If he wanted just sex why would he be saying that otherwise I dont know I'm just saying. And when we had sex both times after I would leave immediately he would get upset at me for not staying with him and hanging out instead of leaving him like **** there.
Author Gotti25 Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Well maybe Im crazy or his crazy. He told me he has a girlfriend too so what the hell does he want to do with a married women??
Owl Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 He's getting exactly what he wants from a married woman... ...you've provided it for him a couple of times now. You're avoiding the REAL question/issue/dilemma here...why is it you keep focusing on him, keep "hooking up", and still keep doing this to your husband when you clearly have seen how devestating this whole thing is for him? You're focusing on OM...and ignoring the damage you're doing to your husband. Personally, it sounds to me like you're just not ready/capable of being married at this time. File for divorce...free your husband from this "marriage"...and go have the fun you seem to be looking for.
woinlove Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Well maybe Im crazy or his crazy. He told me he has a girlfriend too so what the hell does he want to do with a married women?? Not crazy. Just two selfish people who are treating their husband and girlfriend horribly. As to what he wants with a married woman, a man who has a girlfriend and picks up a woman in a bar to have sex with, usually wants to have sex with different women. Sometimes, he wants to have sex with a lot of different women. You have not mentioned one thing he has done that has shown any love for you.
East7 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 (edited) Well about 4 months ago I met this very sweet cute OM in a bar didn't think anything was gonna happend between us we just ended up hooking up. After that happend I felt guilty of course and promised it would never happend again and I will let my H know. I did let him know he was upset but forgave me. So about 2 weeks later the other OM calls and tells me he had something to say to me he was waiting outside at 3 in the morning so eventually that went into having sex for the second time!! (So there was a 1st time?) Again I couldn't believe now from this point Im already having some kind of feelings for this OM so of course my H finds out that it happend Again for the second time he gets extremely violent and furious at me starts trowing **** at me and stuff and he ends up texting the OM that he was gonna kill him and he needs to leave me alone asap. So the OM did never called or texted in 3 months neither did I but was tempted too. (you didnt cut him off, so you were "hoping" he contacts you? That speaks loud) Well just this past weekend he called me at 4AM couple times I didnt recognize the number at first then I was thinking what does he want after 3 months of not talking to me. So my H sees that of course and immediately starts treatening him and sending him terrible texts again the OM responds back and tells him If u do that I'll call the cops on you. (threating to kill is childish and no one would take it seriously) This other OM lives very close to me which makes it worst couple ave away. I am always scared to run into him. So I felt bad about this whole situation and sent a text back to the OM apologizing for my H behavior (so you are on his side?) Still hasn't responded back is been 2 days!! I dont know what to think of this!! (you are caring so much about him) I think everyone involved is responsible of the situation : you, your H and OM : 1. You had sex with him the 1st time (it sounds like that) - Why didn't you cut him off and tell him to never contact you again? You like him, ok, but it sounds just a 1night fling, so why didn't you make things clear to him "Look, I'm done, please DON'T contact me again". But instead you sound like you didn't really cut him off. Was that an unsaid desire to meet him again? You say you were tempted to call him, so I assume you wanted to give a try, one more time 2. Your husband doesn't seem like handling properly the situation. Instead of making stupid threats he should sit and talk with you about your relationship. Its sounds like he didn't make a big drama when he learned he was cheated...Sounds weird he forgave you so easily. 3. OM looks like a stupid guy that thinks that he can bang you whenever he can 24/7, sounds very immature too (as much as your H, sorry...) Edited November 30, 2010 by East7
Owl Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 One word of caution...don't disregard the H's "threat". It's entirely possible that it might just be an idle threat. Or it might be that the H is seriously considering it, and is fully capable of carrying it out. It happens. It can be a very real danger, or it could be just "smoke". The only person who MIGHT know well enough to guess would be the wife who's been with him all those years. And given the sheer emotional devestation and truama that usually goes with D-day for the BS...it's pretty foolish to expect him to "handle it properly" the moment he finds out about it.
Author Gotti25 Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 First of All I was not the one that contacted him. He contacted me and I told him not to call me again but he did anyway. To tell me he was in front of my house wanting to see me. Obviously theres something wrong with him and for my H he handled this situation very badely of course. I don't know what to do with this guy he needs to stop contacting me and work things out with his girlfriend and leave me alone!!
East7 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 One word of caution...don't disregard the H's "threat". It's entirely possible that it might just be an idle threat. Or it might be that the H is seriously considering it, and is fully capable of carrying it out. It happens. Of course it is possble to shoot someone, that's not the point. But even if he goes and confronts him with a gun, he will think about his days in jail for the rest of his life, so, well I don't take it very seriously. I only wanted to say I had the feeling he didn't handle the situation in the right way. And you had the confirmation from Gotti below : First of All I was not the one that contacted him. He contacted me and I told him not to call me again but he did anyway. To tell me he was in front of my house wanting to see me. Obviously theres something wrong with him and for my H he handled this situation very badely of course. I don't know what to do with this guy he needs to stop contacting me and work things out with his girlfriend and leave me alone!! Well, sorry to say that but he thinks you are easy to get and that's stupid of him. I'm not sure you made it very clearly to him that it was over and there was no way you could meet him again. Anyway you can report him for harassment if he really becomes demanding.
woinlove Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 First of All I was not the one that contacted him. He contacted me and I told him not to call me again but he did anyway. To tell me he was in front of my house wanting to see me. Obviously theres something wrong with him and for my H he handled this situation very badely of course. I don't know what to do with this guy he needs to stop contacting me and work things out with his girlfriend and leave me alone!! He'll likely stop contacting you when he knows that you won't have sex with him if he stops by after the bars close. He got lucky twice and once he didn't, so the odds may still look okay to him. Also, sending a note of apology for your H likely gives him hope he may get lucky again. But, if you want to make sure he stays away, and he contacts you after your H's threats, you can file for a restraining order.
Lauriebell82 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Well maybe Im crazy or his crazy. He told me he has a girlfriend too so what the hell does he want to do with a married women?? The same could be said of you. What do YOU want with this guy when you already have a husband????
Author Gotti25 Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Thats exactly what I think. I think he is not afraid and doesn't care that my H is treatening him. My H even looked him up on fb and found his sister there too he wanted to write nasty comments to his sister who lives in a different city and let her know of the situation with this guy but didn't do it yet I don't know if he will. My H sent him a text telling him that his gonna f***k his sister in the a** like he did to his wife!! The OM didnt there to respond and my H thinks he is a p***y he even called him a p***Y LOLz!!
Lauriebell82 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Thats exactly what I think. I think he is not afraid and doesn't care that my H is treatening him. My H even looked him up on fb and found his sister there too he wanted to write nasty comments to his sister who lives in a different city and let her know of the situation with this guy but didn't do it yet I don't know if he will. My H sent him a text telling him that his gonna f***k his sister in the a** like he did to his wife!! The OM didnt there to respond and my H thinks he is a p***y he even called him a p***Y LOLz!! Do you think this is funny? Your H seriously threatened someone else's life. Whether or not this was justified is not the question. He could take action against your H for these threats if he wanted to. IMO your husband sounds like he has issues to but you have decide whether or not you want to work them out with him. Stay away from OM unless you want your husband to end up in prison.
spice4life Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Thats exactly what I think. I think he is not afraid and doesn't care that my H is treatening him. My H even looked him up on fb and found his sister there too he wanted to write nasty comments to his sister who lives in a different city and let her know of the situation with this guy but didn't do it yet I don't know if he will. My H sent him a text telling him that his gonna f***k his sister in the a** like he did to his wife!! The OM didnt there to respond and my H thinks he is a p***y he even called him a p***Y LOLz!! I don't know, this is all starting to sound a bit strange to me. It seems you are taking this a bit too lightly. As far as the OM goes, it is becoming clear that he is stopping by your place after striking out at the bar. You met him at a bar right? You need to start seeing this situation for what it is...nothing more than a booty call. He probably contacts you when he is on the outs with his gf and then tries to soothe his burnt ego by getting laid. You have no reason to apologize to this guy, his actions show exactly where he is coming from. Don't worry about why he is contacting you...worry about how to block him from contacting you instead.
Lauriebell82 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I don't know, this is all starting to sound a bit strange to me. It seems you are taking this a bit too lightly. As far as the OM goes, it is becoming clear that he is stopping by your place after striking out at the bar. You met him at a bar right? You need to start seeing this situation for what it is...nothing more than a booty call. He probably contacts you when he is on the outs with his gf and then tries to soothe his burnt ego by getting laid. You have no reason to apologize to this guy, his actions show exactly where he is coming from. Don't worry about why he is contacting you...worry about how to block him from contacting you instead. Yeah, I mean this may be an assumption or whatever you want to call it, but do you think on some level you LIKE the attention of two men fighting over you? I mean laughing about the fact that your husband seriously threatened someone doesn't seem right IMO...
spice4life Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I would also like to add that you are allowing both your H and this guy degrade you. Your H degraded you in that text and this guy is degrading you by stopping by for a 3 am booty call. You should start asking yourself why you are allowing men to view and treat you like this. You don't have to settle for being treated like this but it's up to you to do the necessary work to change it. Start respecting you and others will begin to follow suit. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
Author Gotti25 Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 I don't know where this OM is comming from. He actually called me to tell me to come down he is by my house at 3 in the morning. So I did and I told him off but he wouldn't listen he started making out with me on the street and dragged me into the cab to go over to his place. So I went and then we had sex I wanted to leave he wouldnt let me leave I had to push him away he was super angry at me telling me please stay why are u leaving again he wanted me to go somewhere with him during the day he said he had plans for us which was very strange to me. I left anyway and I didn't hear from him for like a week then he calls again at 3am my husband answers the phone and tells him off then he gets scared!! And now after 3 months NC he calls again this time 5 times it was like 5AM on thanksgiving which was strange!!!
9Lives Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Women In Blue maybe your right but why would he tell me that he was in Love with me. Our last phone contact was 3 months and he just said I just want to tell you I love you and it hurts me that you can't be with me. Is that a lie trying to get into my pants. If he wanted just sex why would he be saying that otherwise I dont know I'm just saying. And when we had sex both times after I would leave immediately he would get upset at me for not staying with him and hanging out instead of leaving him like **** there. love is not in your hot puss. love is respecting you are married, not putting you in harms way, and leaving you alone. i think you guys deserve each other and your husband should file for divorce and let you get with mr booty call
East7 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I don't know where this OM is comming from. He actually called me to tell me to come down he is by my house at 3 in the morning. So I did and I told him off but he wouldn't listen he started making out with me on the street and dragged me into the cab to go over to his place. So I went and then we had sex I wanted to leave he wouldnt let me leave I had to push him away he was super angry at me telling me please stay why are u leaving again he wanted me to go somewhere with him during the day he said he had plans for us which was very strange to me. I left anyway and I didn't hear from him for like a week then he calls again at 3am my husband answers the phone and tells him off then he gets scared!! And now after 3 months NC he calls again this time 5 times it was like 5AM on thanksgiving which was strange!!! It sounds like you are enjoying the whole game and mystery and you like that OM and your H fight over you. As I posted at the beginning you are 3 responsible of the escalation. The whole story is ridiculous.
GorillaTheater Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 He actually called me to tell me to come down he is by my house at 3 in the morning. So I did and I told him off but he wouldn't listen he started making out with me on the street and dragged me into the cab to go over to his place. So I went and then we had sex I wanted to leave he wouldnt let me leave I had to push him away he was super angry at me telling me please stay why are u leaving again he wanted me to go somewhere with him during the day he said he had plans for us which was very strange to me. I left anyway and I didn't hear from him for like a week then he calls again at 3am my husband answers the phone and tells him off then he gets scared!! And now after 3 months NC he calls again this time 5 times it was like 5AM on thanksgiving which was strange!!! Jesus Tapdancing Christ. That's all I've got. No advice. That you'll understand, anyways.
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