ccnaboy2000 Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 (edited) I'll keep this as short as possible, after all who likes reading novels My ex and I were together for 6 months up until 2 days ago. When we met I was part owner of a small appliance repair/sales company. After a couple months she ended up moving in with me, she practically lived there anyways. My biz partner was no longer happy with my work effort (I worked 16+ hours a day) and after being with my gf, I cut that down to like 8-10 a day. So he offered to buy me out, on the condition I moved out of my house (it was an adjoined house.) I agreed, moved out and my gf came with me. Well my partner ended up screwing me over and never paying me a cent. Being self employed I got no unemployment. So I started my own business, but it was no where near as good as the first and income was spotty since it takes time to build a business. This lead her moms side of the family to start talking trash about me constantly about how she needs to find a man who can support her, yadda yadda. You know not really my fault, really bad situation. With winter coming things really started slowing down even more. At this time 4 months into the relationship my ex said she wanted to be single, and that she no longer feels secure with me, and that has made her start to think and miss her ex-bf. 2 weeks later she changes her mind, says the thought of being without me is unbearable and we ended up not breaking up. 2 months later I started to get depressed, and as much as I loved my ex I started disconnecting a bit from her. The pressure of having a dwindling income and countless job interviews with no hire has been getting to me. My ex decided to pull the plug. She asked me to come to her work to talk about "us". She gave me a jacket she bought me that morning, and we had a good conversation, laughing and joking and then moved to the serious part. She cried, She said the relationship was not the same as it first was. I did express the reason for it and that I'm pretty close to landing a job with a more secure income, but too late. She said she doesn't feel appreciated anymore (probably because I can't do anything with so little money). No go. So I wished her the best told her I hope she's happy and enjoys her singleness, gave her the jacket said I couldnt accept it, and cut off all contact with her. For the past 2 days she's been texting and calling me late at night (2-4am in the morning), asking if im ok. Why wont I talk to her. I'm silent. In part because if pains me so much. I know for a fact she misses me terribly and worries, I know her very well on an emotional level. And I know how hard its been for her when her other ex-bfs cut off all contact. But I don't want to get stuck into the friend zone when I desire more. So here I am ignoring her daily calls and texts because I'm a little stuck on what to do. Edited November 29, 2010 by ccnaboy2000
AlisaMarie Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 You are doing the right thing. If you are serious about it being over with the 2 of you, NC is the only way to go. Now if you left her ... or if she left you with some feeling of it working out... somebody needs to step up and make it clear, then let the NC begin. I am sick of people coming back into my life because the "realized" or "made a mistake." Sometimes it's just to let and you have to step... no matter how painful it is.
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted November 29, 2010 Author Posted November 29, 2010 (edited) Well I've been in this situation before, I know NC helps, it helped a lot with my last relationship giving me the time and space to clear my head and get a grip. This situation though, I mean if its over and there is no chance yeah NC is gunna help a lot with getting my life back and track, but I do really love her and want to leave the door open, so I guess I just don't know what to respond back with to her. If i should even respond at all. I was thinking of just responding and saying that I appreciate her concern but at this point I think its best for her not to contact me anymore because I can't have a friendship with someone that I want more than a friendship with, and unless she wants to try to work things out it will be best if we never speak again. Edited November 29, 2010 by ccnaboy2000
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted November 29, 2010 Author Posted November 29, 2010 (edited) Well after ignoring her for 2 days I decided to make my stance pretty clear. After her texts and calling me this morning I just responded 3 hours later. In reply to her constantly asking if i would just tell her im ok, this is what I said: "I appreciate your concern. And while I love you more than anything and miss you terribly and would do anything to bring our relationship back to the point where it once was, I cannot be friends with you know that I want for us to be more and it not being reciprocated. And unless you felt we had something special that was worth trying for again, I think it would be best for you to not contact me again" What does everyone think, did I handle that ok? And she just responded. "Whatever. Seriously i care about you and you know that. I thought it would be best for the both of us to be single and get our **** straight. But whatever u want." Edited November 29, 2010 by ccnaboy2000
AlisaMarie Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 Great response! As for hers... it was selfish and she's just mad that she won't be able to keep tabs and control on you. Way to go! Well done!
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 So tonight I decided for the sake of my sanity to go on a date with a friend who's been into me for a while. Felt great, was kind of hard really since this breakup just happened, but nice to get out with a good looking girl who diggs me. My ex decided to text me while on the date, despite the texting earlier. "I dont understand why you still talk to your other exes but wont talk to me" lol this was after the earlier text messages where I made my standing clear. She still obviously has deep feelings for me. But i'll just let it go with no response until I hear the I made a mistake I want you back words. And for the record. I do not talk to my exes at all, I have only one ex that I "talk to" and its simply an email about once a year. Thats it.
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Did you respond after your date? I hope not! That was surly worth ignoring! I am glad you had a nice date! I mean, she may not be the one to wife up, but she's distracting you from your ex. Good job!
goingstrong Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 "I dont understand why you still talk to your other exes but wont talk to me" t. She is just feeling guilty and wants to be forgiven.....tell her it is what it is.
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Did you respond after your date? I hope not! That was surly worth ignoring! I am glad you had a nice date! I mean, she may not be the one to wife up, but she's distracting you from your ex. Good job! Nope I didnt respond, I just came home and went to sleep. And woke up about 5 minutes ago to another text I will ignore. "You already on okcupid? Guess you got over me fast" Guess she found i reactivated my online dating profile. Last I checked she did breakup with me to be single. Im sensing some fear of loss here. oh well still staying NC
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Thumbs up to you! Keep thinking that... she chose to be out of the relationship. She's just mad you're moving on. I know those texts give you a little strength to keep ignoring too!
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Thumbs up to you! Keep thinking that... she chose to be out of the relationship. She's just mad you're moving on. I know those texts give you a little strength to keep ignoring too! Thanks its not as hard this time around for me, ive been on the receiving end of being dumped and this site has helped before. Funny now she's texting to remind me of my job interview today. lol. You know I've never put my foot down at the end of a relationship like I did here. I think maybe this is different because this was not a bad breakup. We never once fought. So it's really seeming to me she is missing all the closeness, especially considering its her day off. Welp off to my job interview, hopefully I get the job, I know that is one huge underlying reason why this relationship ended, lost my job and been having a hard time finding one with this crappy economy!
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Good luck! Let me know how the interview goes!
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 Good luck! Let me know how the interview goes! Well I'm pretty sure I nailed the interview, after being in the working world for 11 years and being on many many interviews you kind of start knowing the answers to all the standard questions your always asked. I'll know within the week if i got the job. The only downside is I'll have gone from making 40/hr to 10/hr. But hey times are rough and I need SOME income.
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Wow, that's a heck of a pay cut! But it's better than nothing. I am currently on unemployment and I think that's hurting my self worth. I still work part time- but not in my field. I hope you get the job! It's like a fresh start on your new life! My own mother told me that I probably just need a full time job to quit pining. She's right... maybe after I get my assignments done I will look harder. Thanks for the inspiration!
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 Oye. Day 4 post breakup, it's currently 1am in the morning, ex just tried calling me again. Woke me up but I didnt answer, got this lovely text "I miss u. I dont know why i want to b single. But thats how I feel. I know you hate me but i hope your job interview went good. I still love you, and I wish you wouldn't ignore me" Uggh I told her the day after the breakup that unless she wanted to work things out to stop contacting me. And she keeps trying to contact me more and more! I'm stayin strong but its kinda hard. :\ What the heck does she want!
AlisaMarie Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 Oye. Day 4 post breakup, it's currently 1am in the morning, ex just tried calling me again. Woke me up but I didnt answer, got this lovely text "I miss u. I dont know why i want to b single. But thats how I feel. I know you hate me but i hope your job interview went good. I still love you, and I wish you wouldn't ignore me" Uggh I told her the day after the breakup that unless she wanted to work things out to stop contacting me. And she keeps trying to contact me more and more! I'm stayin strong but its kinda hard. :\ What the heck does she want! She wants to control you.
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