KikiW Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 I'm over in another forum I frequent (OMG does this count as infidelity??? I should post in the infidelity forum...) and came across a mom's post who was just SO TICKLED that she can still treat her 4 children ranging from about 7-16 like babies. I wanted to THROW UP. She was like "i know i know, they look at me to make their sandwiches and I put up a half-hearted 'does it look like i am here to cater to you?' and then go do it, because one day they won't want me to do it anymore *giggle, twirl hair, look vapid*" ARGH. I wanted to smack the living crap out of her. Of COURSE they are going to want you to do it for them, because they are KIDS and 9 times out of 10 they are perfectly happy letting someone else serve them a complete lunch rather than get off their hineys and prepare it themselves. And congratulations for not preparing them for life out on their own, but then again I am sure she'll be just pleased as punch to chastise them for expecting her to make their sandwiches (but then do it anyway) when they are 27 and still living at home. Grrr.
pablopedro Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 (edited) I think it's good to cater to your children, but there are far too many spoiled adults and spoiled children because of too much coddling and smothering. People who can't seem to deal with the world at all. There is a reason people around the world call Americans lazy and careless and spoiled. There is a reason a lot of young people aren't even working these days. Yes the economy is bad, but when you live at home and your parents still take care of your every needs and you're 30 years old, what incentive do you really have to leave or take a job that might be 'beneath' you? And it's not just the childs fault. A lot of parents would wind up divorced or lost if their kids did leave home or leave town. Being a loving parent is one thing, but spoiling your children to the point of exhaustion because you really have nothing else going on in your life isn't always the best solution. Be there for them, but don't make them feel trapped. And kids should get out and live their own lives, take chances, and not just figure mommy and daddy pays for everything and does everything, I'll just stay home. But nobody wants to admit to anything. People will just blame the kids. Others will blame the parents. It's a combo effort. If the US is on a downward spiral and behind, you do have to look at the parents and the adults over the past 30+ years. Spoiling kids to the point of exhaustion hasn't always been the best thing for many people. But kids need to take responsibility for their own lives at some point. it's kind of sad if you hear a 35 year old blaming their parents for things they do. Accept things, learn from them, grow, and take responsibility for your own actions or inaction's. Edited November 29, 2010 by pablopedro added...
Mr Orange Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I've made a pledge with myself that if I ever become a helicopter parent, I will punch myself in the face. Kids 6 y old are old enough to take care of their basic needs, to walk to the grocery store, or to entertain themselves. It is one thing to be a responsible parent, and completely different - a spineless jackass slaving to his kids who raised spoiled brats.
sb129 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Ha, I am a meanie then. My daughter is one and I already make her pick up her own toys at the end of the day. It takes ages, and I do have to "help" a little, but start as we mean to go on I say!
AlektraClementine Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 My 8 and 10 year old most certainly are not allowed to walk to the grocery store alone. Too many kid snatchers out there. They are responsible for a number of household chores and are also held accountable for their performance in school. I still make their lunches and suppers for them. Does this make me a "helicopter parent"? I've never heard this term. I don't know. I don't really get irritated with other parents unless they are either neglectful of their children or have children who impose upon my own happiness.
pablopedro Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I wouldn't allow my daughter to walk to the grocery store by herself. Too many nutcases and psychos in the world. There are certain places where adult females are afraid to go alone, so why would you allow your kid just to walk by themselves? that makes no sense. I think it's more blaming everything on everybody else. If a kid does bad in school, certain parents blame the teachers, the other students, the text books, the tests, and the school district. If the kid just isnt' that good in athletics, the parent blames the coaches, the team, the other players and parents, etc. But you also need to let your kids play and learn on their own. If you never allow them to have friends or only allow the friends you pick, and if you never allow them to find themselves because you need to be involved in and controller of every situation, the kid is going to grow up and be an adult who really can't support themselves. You can tell your kid they are wonderful and great, but sometimes they need to do the work on their own and they need to work hard for something. You can't blame everybody else.
Author KikiW Posted December 1, 2010 Author Posted December 1, 2010 Letting children walk to the store alone is all relative. I have let my 9 year old go to the movies by herself. Because the movie theater is literally 100 feet from my apartment. She also has a little Migo phone, and I know when the movie lets out. I wouldn't let her walk the 2 miles down a 2 lane highway to our nearest supermarket though, that's just dangerous for several reasons. Yes, there is a minute chance she could get snatched. But over the years we've seen news reports of child snatchings because the news makes money if you watch it. I haven't been able to find any statistics that show an increase of incidences throughout the years, but I would bet hard cash that parents wrap their kids in double amounts of bubble wrap. I think too many kids are being brought up to be ill-equipped to take care of themselves because of parents who fall all over themselves to do everything for them.
Doover Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 not sure how many of you who watch the news but a 2 year old just got raped while an aisle away from grandma and auntie in so cali....so for all of those who let their children even meander 100 ft away..... think ONCE!
Author KikiW Posted December 10, 2010 Author Posted December 10, 2010 That's horrible and sick. But I am not talking about a 2 year old - they obviously need supervision. Do we chain our children to our legs and never let them out of our sight, ever? Should we homeschool them so they don't have to be out of our presence? No more playdates unless all the parents are there watching them every second? Make them sleep in our bedrooms at night so they don't get snatched out of their bedrooms? Accompany them into the bathroom stalls? Is 18 the age when we as parents stop doing that, or do we just continue, because they can get snatched at 18 too? Yes, it's a big, bad world out there but too many kids are being completely sheltered from it. At this point, there's also basic functioning skills that children are lacking because their parents are simply doing it for them. And now adults look at them and call them lazy brats with a terrible sense of entitlement, not realizing that they raised them to be that way.
AlektraClementine Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 That's horrible and sick. But I am not talking about a 2 year old - they obviously need supervision. Do we chain our children to our legs and never let them out of our sight, ever? Should we homeschool them so they don't have to be out of our presence? No more playdates unless all the parents are there watching them every second? Make them sleep in our bedrooms at night so they don't get snatched out of their bedrooms? Accompany them into the bathroom stalls? Is 18 the age when we as parents stop doing that, or do we just continue, because they can get snatched at 18 too? Yes, it's a big, bad world out there but too many kids are being completely sheltered from it. At this point, there's also basic functioning skills that children are lacking because their parents are simply doing it for them. And now adults look at them and call them lazy brats with a terrible sense of entitlement, not realizing that they raised them to be that way. A lot of those examples are excessive. I just don't think you should send a young child to a public place (that isn't school) by themselves. They simply are not old enough or wise enough to properly minimize the risks out there.
2sure Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I like to think that my daughter who is now a young teen is growing and being taught to be self reliant and independent. I mean, thats our JOB as parents right? Last night I realized I must have to redouble my efforts. Ive done something wrong. I am 2 floors below her bedroom and she loudly calls Mom? The only reason I heard her was thru the vents. "Help!" . So I tear ass up and through 2 floors of the house to her room ready for anything....and she is sitting on her bed trying to open a jar. THEN. I drop her off at her fencing school , for her private freaking lesson (15 mins away) - she calls me after I get home and says she brought 2 right shoes. No, I didnt bring her a shoe and I insist she reimburse me for the cost of the lesson she was unprepared for. Preparing your child to LAUNCH is hard enough without hampering them by doing everything for them.
hoping2heal Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Ha, I am a meanie then. My daughter is one and I already make her pick up her own toys at the end of the day. It takes ages, and I do have to "help" a little, but start as we mean to go on I say! I spend a great deal of time with my Nephew as I do not have children of my own yet. From the time he was about 1 years old (when I noticed he was able to distinguish between right and wrong on some level) he began getting time outs and rewards revoked and he had certain expectations such as picking up the toys. Believe me, I got a lot of eye rolls and "he's too young for that". He is now pushing 3. He is a genuinely happy and energetic child. He is more articulate than any other child in his age group that he plays with or that I've come across. In fact many people think he is 4 or 5 - again he is pushing 3 - so still two . He is thoughtful of other people and children - he will run to open a door when he sees someone coming at the apt. complex. If he is given a treat or something special, he will ask if someone else wants some. He has the capacity to throw tantrums and fits and act up just like any other kid. However, he is very well behaved. He does not bother throwing fits when he is told no (well 90% of the time..if he's tired then all bets are off LOL) - because he knows well enough that it simply will not work to get what he wants. He has learned that rewards come from good behavior and not by throwing a fit or acting up, or "just because". He also loves to help out with things. He knows what is expected of him when he stays at my place and I feel the expectations are reasonable. However, when he goes home it is a total switcheroo. He's still very sweet and thoughtful but his parents provide very little structure for him, and throwing those fits and temper tantrums ARE what get both his needs met and attention from them. My sister often makes comments about not understanding why he "seems to like me so much more." I had to explain to her that it has not a thing in the world to do with liking me more or liking me at all. I have tried to get her to understand that being consistent and having structure will go a long way and make her life so much easier. However, she is the parent so what she wants to do is her business regardless of how I feel about it. Drives me nuts but unless I am asked, I don't ever say anything about her methods. There is nothing wrong with providing children with age appropriate responsibilities and punishments. There is nothing to brag about that you baby your children and do everything for them, as OP mentioned - she is not preparing them for the 'real world' and when they get there, it is going to be a rude, rude awakening.
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