any insight...am i just being paranoid/self obsessed?

[usagi]

My ex and I broke up way back in March. I've written on here a couple of times about it but basically I went NC after receiving mixed messages from her. She sent a couple of text messages, which I ignored, back in July. Then in August I got a message from her brother (regularly sectioned schizophrenic) saying that he had seen her over the weekend and she seemed sad that I wouldn't talk to her. I have heard numerous things about my ex through the grape vine over time including that she has lost one of her jobs and has fallen out with numerous friends. Now to the question:

 

Last week she texted my best friends' girlfriend. Just a 'hope you're well and would be nice to catch up for a drink sometime' text. However they really were never close, they only went out together once and that was a month after the break up. My friend's girlfriend then called an end to seeing my ex and distanced herself from my ex as I had expressed discomfort with her continuing a friendship with someone who I felt wounded by.

 

So the situation I'm in now is I'm wondering what my ex's motivation is for this text; does she have ulterior motives like trying to find out about me OR is she just trying to be friends with someone who she feels she may have made a connection with even though they have not seen each other for five months or had any contact? If it's the latter why would she try and be friends with someone is such a regular and important feature in my life who she only knew casually over a matter of months?

 

She has to have known that I would have heard about the text and be upset by her attempts at rejoining the closest circle of my circle of friends.

Edited November 29, 2010 by usagi

[poorguy]

I don't know the whole story. Was she seeing someone in the meantime? She is definately looking for information on you without a doubt. That's what happens after some time has gone by. Another question is how long were you togther and did it end terribly???

[swfc_77]

your not being paranoid, my ex is doing the same/did the same when we split up the first time from april - june and we split up again in sept.

 

i am starting to feel like im in a competition to see who can do better in life me or her, this is not my choice i couldn't care less whats she's doing/whose she's with as long as she's ok.

 

but the point is she keeps asking my friends (who she slagged off when we was together) what im doing, if im ok. she even txts me asking about our (now my) cat, even though i'v told her to leave me alone several times and that i dont want her in my life, i might have loved the girl but jeez in no way do i like her as a person.

 

your ex is just checking up on you, making sure your still there to fall back on if something ****s her life up. she wants to know what your doing and to know if she's missing out on anything

 

get this when i split first time -

 

i worked away earning good money for 2 months

 

bought a ton of new clothes, gadgets and general pick me ups

 

booked 2 weeks AI to jamaica to see some mates who live out there

 

she

 

got with a new guy a week after we split, he turned out to be a bell end

 

booked a week in a caravan with him which he smashed up

 

when she got wind of me moving on and re-building my life she dropped her bf and took the chance to come back to me, she did and 2 months later she's gone again, still checking up on me, asking about me waiting for me to do something good so she can jump back on and get a ride.

 

dont be a fool for a second time mate, tell your friends to ignore her, and if they cant just to keep you out of the conversation, you'd rather her not know about our business.

 

i am moving to holland in jan, my ex is going hate this as only a few weeks ago she said i was lifeless and had no personallity no get-up-and-go so that is going to make me feel better.

 

you need to do the same, dont pass up any chances in life not for any1.

 

people will be thinking "your only goin holland to make her come back"

 

im going because i want to go, do the same mate dont let her into life any way shape or form

[usagi]

Thanks guys. Don't know if she was seeing someone, it's unlikely there has been anyone serious but I'm not discounting that she's probably had a casual fling with someone. We were together about a year with a month break around this time last year and it ended about as well as a relationship can end when one person doesn't want it to end.

 

When we met up after that initial month she was very flirty and complimentary towards me; then (and I'm precise in my language when I say this) SHE kissed me a few times. I was hopeful that this was a reconciliation but when we spoke a few days later she told me that she had been very clear that she didn't want to be with me. I accused her of sending mixed messages and went NC then.

 

I think that like a lot of people who write on this site I'm mixed in what I want now but this post was mainly just trying to clarify if I was right in my suspicions about her having ulterior motives for contacting my friend. Thanks guys.