subtitled Posted March 11, 2004 Posted March 11, 2004 I've been noticing a trend in the guys that i am attracted to... and the common thread between them all is: confident and funny. I'm worried that i fall for these guys too easily, and am wondering if it is a bad move to go out with them? Last time i went out with a confident and funny guy we broke up quite soon and he really crushed my feelings for a while. I was at a gig the other night and started talking to a really shy guy, we were into exactly the same music and even had strange coincidences like being acquaintances with the same people despite never having met him before. He was friendly, but not very confident and didn't make any jokes. He was perfect in every way, but i felt absolutely nothing for him. There was no attraction. The next day at uni i met a friend of a friend for the second time, but this time i was one on one with him for about half an hour in the library rather than just being in the same room. He is confident and funny. I felt an instant attraction, and he seemed to be flirting with me. Alarm bells went off when he said some things that reminded me of the sweettalking my ex used when he flirted with me, and how much it changed when we started going out. Basically, the guy in the library would drop things like "that's why i'm here with a nice girl like yourself" into the conversation...but like with my ex, i always thought they were sort of being half sarcastic because it's such a cliche to say things like that. Anyway, should i try and avoid these people i'm attracted to? The confident/funny types are they known for being unreliable because they are so charming and thus charm the pants off most of the girls they meet?
moimeme Posted March 11, 2004 Posted March 11, 2004 Never visit the sins of one person on all other people. Confidence is sexy. Wit is sexy. Some confident funny guys are skirt chasers and others are faithful to the core.
Author subtitled Posted March 11, 2004 Author Posted March 11, 2004 that is true, i shouldn't judge him based on other people's actions...
yes Posted March 11, 2004 Posted March 11, 2004 on one hand, there's no need to assume all confident/witty guys are going to go sour. on the other hand, as you date, you develop a gut feeling about who's in for what... and it makes sense to trust it. my 2c, -yes
amerikajin Posted March 11, 2004 Posted March 11, 2004 This is an enlightening thread. I've sometimes wondered whether "confident and funny" was just an American thing, but now I see it's pretty much universal. Am I right? One thing I miss about living in America is knowing how to related instantly to a woman, knowing immediately how to say something that will get a conversation going. I can make Asian women laugh, but it's more like light humor, not the kind of humor that makes anyone roll on the floor laughing. Language and cultural barriers and all.
Author subtitled Posted March 11, 2004 Author Posted March 11, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme That's what we call 'baggage' haha... and what we try to convince ourselves is 'learning from our mistakes'... yes, 'Yes' i agree. I look back on so many ppl i've met and then been let down by, and with all of them, something they did the first few times i met them is representative of the way they do things most of the time, but at the time i ignored it. Time passes and then it rears it's ugly head and comes back to haunt me. I think i should follow my gut feelings more often. amerikajin - well, i'm not sure it's universal. I would say the majority of girls are attracted to funny/confident types, but i know some of my friends who aren't. Quiet types can be very sexy if they eventually open up. Also, when i say 'funny' i mean making light of situations, funny one liners/comments, not necessarily cracking 'a joke' (eg. a man walked into a bar...).
jenny Posted March 11, 2004 Posted March 11, 2004 i really identify here - humour is kryptonite to me. it seems like very few people are truly funny - and when i can find one that makes me belly-laugh, i just adore him. in my guy friends, i can overlook absolutely anything except humourlessness. but my sense of humour is fundamentally about detachment - wit often is - so your note about how these are the same guys who wll leave you hanging struck a note with me. i think that is a accurate assessment of a lot of funny men i know, but it is, of course, not a good generalization. but i do think there is something about the outlook that life is amusing that indicates a deep-seated defensiveness, sometimes,
morrigan Posted March 11, 2004 Posted March 11, 2004 Some shy people have a great sense of humor, it takes more time to know them before they show that side of their personality. Some confident, outgoing people lack humor in regular exchanges. Confidence and humor can put someone else at ease or make them uncomfortable, depending on how an individual uses it and how the other person perceives it. If you are attracted to people with outgoing, humorous qualities, don't be afraid of getting to know them. Just because you had a bad experience with one person doesn't mean every person who exudes the same initial personality will behave that way.
Author subtitled Posted March 11, 2004 Author Posted March 11, 2004 Originally posted by jenny my sense of humour is fundamentally about detachment... i do think there is something about the outlook that life is amusing that indicates a deep-seated defensiveness, sometimes. I think the fools/comedians of the world are probably the most tortured inside because they'll observe everything external, analyse it, learn to look down on it and laugh... yet they'll never confront themselves. I relate with your humour of detachment. My friends often say i'm defensive/in denial, aswell i'm known for being cynical and humorous. In being defensive and in denial, it's more about everyday things, like a disturbing movie, which i'll just laugh off and mock, yet if anything like that happened to me, i would never get over it. Similarly, i'll so often trivialise love, my persona is essentially cynical, when infact deep down i'm the most romantic of my friends and always invest too much emotion in my crushes and relationships.
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