Mr. Rooks Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 Are there any other guys that have a hard time opening up to women and taking their criticisms to heart? When they do criticize you, do you feel like there's no possible way a woman can know anything about you? I feel this way. Everything I've faced in life it's been alone, that's ok I feel like what ever life throws at me, I can take it you know. Not only take it, but learn from it and make the best out of the situation. This is how I've been successful in life. Women come along with probably a spot on judgment and my heart hardens because seriously how the effe can she know anything. Then I just cut them off and literally never speak to them again. I know women like to "put men in the fying pan just to see if you'll man up," my natural response is to defend and protect myself. There's never been anyone close to me when I hit a rough spot to help see me through it. There's been Grandma or dad from far away. So I've adapted to this and it's independence, this is good but maybe I need to learn dependence, not sure? Am I'm describing my own coffin here or is there a possibility I can turn this around? Any advice helps.
sally4sara Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 Women come along with probably a spot on judgment and my heart hardens because seriously how the effe can she know anything. Then I just cut them off and literally never speak to them again. This phrase doesn't make sense to me. A spot on judgment is a correct one. Are you saying that when a woman judges you correctly it makes you mad and insulting? Or are you speaking of a snap judgment that is incorrect? If that is the case, its a judgment based on very little and maybe you could take it as less of a judgment and more of an inquiry. It gives you the opportunity to let them know who you are rather than what they suggested. Deciding instead to insult them and tell them off - well not what I'd call the wisest move, but its your choice to color your associations any way you'd like even if its only to make it more negative than it needed to be.
Author Mr. Rooks Posted November 29, 2010 Author Posted November 29, 2010 This phrase doesn't make sense to me. A spot on judgment is a correct one. Are you saying that when a woman judges you correctly it makes you mad and insulting? Or are you speaking of a snap judgment that is incorrect? If that is the case, its a judgment based on very little and maybe you could take it as less of a judgment and more of an inquiry. It gives you the opportunity to let them know who you are rather than what they suggested. Deciding instead to insult them and tell them off - well not what I'd call the wisest move, but its your choice to color your associations any way you'd like even if its only to make it more negative than it needed to be. I don't insult that gets me no where. I tend to speak up and I've had to learn how to do it in a non- confrontational manner. I think I make things more negative than I should I'm not sure. It's all I've really known from women, negativity.
EasyHeart Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 For women, criticizing men is as natural as breathing. They are trained from birth to do it, and spend all of their adult lives practicing it. And yet, if you ever asked them about it, every single one would claim they never criticize their men. It's just something you have to get used to if you ever want to be around women.
sally4sara Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 Have you ever noticed that the most popular sitcoms are chock full of funny or absurd little quips that keep the interaction going? I think this is what many people do and sometimes it comes across as negative judgments when all they're really seeking is a playful conversation with someone they find interesting.
carhill Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 I know women like to "put men in the fying pan just to see if you'll man up," my natural response is to defend and protect myself. IME, the frying pan is easy; it's the pot put on slow boil which is the more elusive and difficult path, one of eroding one's self-esteem over time. IMO, having clear boundaries makes dating (and most other interpersonal interactions) a far more enjoyable and healthy experience. The key is to care more about the healthy boundary than the other person and always remember each action is a *choice*. Opening up and being vulnerable is a choice. Walking away is a choice. Acceptance is a choice. Showing care, love and compassion is a choice. Facing everything in life alone is a choice. Many choices.
Woggle Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 I consider myself a self made man because I pulled myself from the bottom and dating was easier for me when I was single. I already built myself up and with that my self esteem was higher so I was able to tell a woman to take a hike if she was not treating me right. I actually encourage all men to build their own lives up before they commit to a woman because it puts them in a much better position.
Author Mr. Rooks Posted November 29, 2010 Author Posted November 29, 2010 For women, criticizing men is as natural as breathing. They are trained from birth to do it, and spend all of their adult lives practicing it. And yet, if you ever asked them about it, every single one would claim they never criticize their men. It's just something you have to get used to if you ever want to be around women. I see what your saying there and that's the fun stuff. Opps I stepped in it pretty big time there and you both kind of laugh it off. That tends to happen with women friends, where as when dating seeminlgy a mistake means whatever we were establishing is over.
Author Mr. Rooks Posted November 29, 2010 Author Posted November 29, 2010 IME, the frying pan is easy; it's the pot put on slow boil which is the more elusive and difficult path, one of eroding one's self-esteem over time. IMO, having clear boundaries makes dating (and most other interpersonal interactions) a far more enjoyable and healthy experience. The key is to care more about the healthy boundary than the other person and always remember each action is a *choice*. Opening up and being vulnerable is a choice. Walking away is a choice. Acceptance is a choice. Showing care, love and compassion is a choice. Facing everything in life alone is a choice. Many choices. Man, the slow boil is happening to my dad as we speak! My biggest fear is getting attached to a woman I don't like. Then there's kids and it just looks like eternal perpetuating hell from the outside. I understand the choice. While I know it seems easier alone it's not the right way. That's the trick you know, not so much finding the right way, but finding it for me. I've never been in love before. I don't want to live my life and not experience it but, even when I think I'm open something holds me back. I don't know what it is.
Author Mr. Rooks Posted November 29, 2010 Author Posted November 29, 2010 I consider myself a self made man because I pulled myself from the bottom and dating was easier for me when I was single. I already built myself up and with that my self esteem was higher so I was able to tell a woman to take a hike if she was not treating me right. I actually encourage all men to build their own lives up before they commit to a woman because it puts them in a much better position. I'm doing this "Building my life" on a different level. I'm moving into a studio apt for the next 2 years and the exta mula is going to repair my credit. I also want to save up for a new truck. For the first time in a while I feel a strong driven sense of purpose, instead of wandering aimlessly through life with a bunch of nice stuff. Thanks!
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