Sonolumino Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 I caved and checked facebook, it's been about 3 weeks or so since I did that. Her and her new boyfriend seem so happy. His standard picture is one of him in her bed, that one kinda hurt. I don't know why I do this to myself. I feel less angry though, less hurt than other times that I've checked it. The sexual innuendos definitely aren't fun to see, but in a strange way I'm glad that I've seen them, because now I won't wonder anymore. Maybe this is what I needed to crush that little bit of hope that was hanging on. Maybe I need to push this till it breaks, then I can heal.
Fufu Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 *Hugs* Don't look at her facebook anymore, it's going to make you even more depressed. Think of this to yourself. "I'm so glad I'm not the new guy."
Fern Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 Letting go of the hope is hard. I'm still trying. Don't beat yourself up about it, but block them on FB. That sort of contact just feeds your pain. Give yourself a chance to forget and to heal. You're just picking at the scabs checking up on them like this.
Ajax Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 Looking at Facebook is like picking at a scab... it keeps you from healing. I'm guilty of checking my ex's Facebook profile too. We haven't spoken in three months and I don't know why I even have her as a friend anymore. I have no expectation that I'll ever talk to her again, and hope for getting back together is gone. But at leat in my case there isn't any indication that she's with someone else... Keep your chin up man, things will get better. Have you thought about dating someone else again yet? I've been out on a couple dates with a girl and while I'm no proponent of a rebound, when I'm with her I feel really good.
Fermentum Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 I did the same thing last night. Up super late working on an assignment, out of my head, and I caved Didn't check the FB (blocked), but tracked down the rebound. I spent the rest of the night dreaming about the Ex. That hurt.
Gt.ooh Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 Looking at Facebook is like picking at a scab... it keeps you from healing. I'm guilty of checking my ex's Facebook profile too. We haven't spoken in three months and I don't know why I even have her as a friend anymore. I have no expectation that I'll ever talk to her again, and hope for getting back together is gone. But at leat in my case there isn't any indication that she's with someone else... Keep your chin up man, things will get better. Have you thought about dating someone else again yet? I've been out on a couple dates with a girl and while I'm no proponent of a rebound, when I'm with her I feel really good. I'm unfortunately in that category too...it's been 3 months. I'll check it here and there still, nothing really going on. She had quite a lot of friends posting in the beginning, now it's right down to next to nill for posts.. I too have been on my first date, it went quite well. Don't know if date #2 will go as good as Ajaxs' lol..but it's still good to get out.
abust1 Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 I broke down last night and checked my ex's facebook. I had her blocked but I unblocked her and checked a few other friend's pages who don't have stringent privacy settings. Those few new pictures I saw of her looking beautiful and having a great time really killed me and I feel like I'm practically starting over in my recovery. Then I had a vivid dream where we met and started kissing, BLEAHGHKHADAFHF. I think the long holiday weekend is what killed me.
Nkognito Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 I wouldn't feel so bad about it. We all cave at some point, including me. I called her today. I went NC for 3 weeks after dropping her stuff off at her door covertly and then fouled up one night over a speeding ticket and contacted her. I sent a text to her the next day apologizing and she replied with "its fine". I have been working out a storm, lost quite the amount of weight and have been getting pretty good at my routine. My body has been forming greatly and I have received many compliments from people who have not known me long but notice I stand out on the physically fit side. I walk, about 8 miles a day, 3 in the morning then 5 to the gym and back home. This has helped me mentally because at first I thought about her a lot and now, not so much. But today I feel I am ready so I called her, left a voicemail because today of all weekends I have her in my head. I am not sure why but maybe just maybe something needs me to call her. I know this sounds absurd but I am at a point now where I can handle what she dishes out because I am not drawn to her. I have accepted her seeing someone else and telling me, hell I have accepted her flat out telling me she is married or prego with some other dudes baby. But in my mind there is a need to know she is alright and I think it's the protector in me. I am not overly protective but I would like to know she is doing okay. We did not have a bad breakup, true she ditched me via text but she also had bad relationships in the past. At this time I am neutral as far as feelings. Do I expect her to call me back, probably not. Will she text me, most likely not, am I worried about it? Not really... Right now I am "up in arms" mode. We split in the September teens after just a 2 month relationship. I have read SO MUCH since then that I have a firm grasp on things and I am comfortable with everything that has happened. I have got to the point that I know I can love again, I am sure that might not have been the case with her but I have been out with friends to know that my heart while indestructible is not impenetrable. I have one life, is this worth the risk? I think I have weathered worse storms, including being lifeless in a careflite helicopter with a punchtured lung, cracked skull and multiple broken bones. I beat having 7 broken ribs for 2 months, I think I can handle a little tug on the heart. Fact is, life does get better but you have to want it.
Author Sonolumino Posted November 29, 2010 Author Posted November 29, 2010 Today I feel better about it. A few of my friends have talked to this guy and say he's kind of a sissy and definitely a douche. Whatever. I want to crush that last bit of hope. Part of me is moving on, part of me is still in the past, I'm torn right now and I'm trying to rid myself of whatever part of me is clinging on. I think time will definitely help. At least checking it didn't destroy whatever progress I made like the last time. Thanks everyone for the responses
cerridwen Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 Sonolumino, ugh. A picture of him in her bed? God, I'd be face down in a puddle of gin had I seen such a thing. You're obviously made of strong stuff. I caved and sent a text just now. Wish I could reach into the ether and snatch it back. Man. Lame.
fiat500 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 His standard picture is one of him in her bed what a frickin tool. I'd be laughing my @$$ off at him if I were you.
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Sonolumino, ugh. A picture of him in her bed? God, I'd be face down in a puddle of gin had I seen such a thing. You're obviously made of strong stuff. I caved and sent a text just now. Wish I could reach into the ether and snatch it back. Man. Lame. Why did you cave? How long was you NC for? Any respond?
jerbear Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Facebook is evil when it comes to dating and breaking up! Just create a seperate list for "Ex's" or whatever and put your ex's love interests into that group. Block some albums to just family and close friends. It helps get rid of temptation and somewhat prevents them from showing up in your FB feed. The best is to just delete them from FB.
cerridwen Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Quote: Originally Posted by cerridwen Sonolumino, ugh. A picture of him in her bed? God, I'd be face down in a puddle of gin had I seen such a thing. You're obviously made of strong stuff. I caved and sent a text just now. Wish I could reach into the ether and snatch it back. Man. Lame. AlisaMaria asked: "Why did you cave? How long was you NC for? Any respond?" I caved after getting an email from his sister in which she described how sad and uncommunicative he's acting. I caved and texted a question basically asking if I had been wrong in ever assuming he was a great person inside. Ugh! LAME!!!!! I'm so embarrassed how juvenile that sounds! And weak!!! He responded within a few minutes. I was NC only a couple of days. Have tried to be for 5 weeks but he's texted me a handful of times and I've responded when he's in pain. I'm such a moron.
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I guess the title of this thread is I Caved! We all do it, the dumpers and the dumpees. I am sorry to everyone in sadness this evening, but I am right there too. This is honestly one of the worst days I have had in a long time.
suzyq63 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Facebook is evil sometimes. My ex and I were reconnected by Facebook, havebroke up twice and now he has deleted me because he was my friend and I would read his wall and send him messages. Finally I decided I would delete my account temporarily off of FB until I can get a grip. The problem is we have so many mutual friends, his posts and pics come across my feed. If I block him I get curious then unblock and get hurt. So I will keep the deactivation from FB going until I can get a grip. You guys hang in there. We will beat this.
AlisaMarie Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Facebook is evil sometimes. My ex and I were reconnected by Facebook, havebroke up twice and now he has deleted me because he was my friend and I would read his wall and send him messages. Finally I decided I would delete my account temporarily off of FB until I can get a grip. The problem is we have so many mutual friends, his posts and pics come across my feed. If I block him I get curious then unblock and get hurt. So I will keep the deactivation from FB going until I can get a grip. You guys hang in there. We will beat this. I deactivated mine, but I log in as my daughter when I have the urge to snoop. My life has been fine without facebook for over a month now. Who needs it. Nothing ever good comes from it especially when it comes to relationships.
mgene15 Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 O dang man, bad news bears, I am also guilty of that.... I did it once and promised myself I would never do it again.... haven't done it in 2 months...and have no plans of doing it.. I feel for you bro, I never saw my ex with another guy in pics, she just seemed so happy in her lonesome profile pic...like ajax stated it will get better, put yourself out there to start dating again as soon as you feel like your comfortable, the down time is what killed me the past few months, I 2 am dating again.
Author Sonolumino Posted November 30, 2010 Author Posted November 30, 2010 what a frickin tool. I'd be laughing my @$$ off at him if I were you. Haha for some reason this made me feel better. Thanks man, I definitely agree. I think I'm going to take one more month off from dating and then get back out there. Hopefully I find a woman and not a girl this time.
andyohyeah Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 I caved after a solid month since we broke up last week. I feel like an idiot, glad to see I am not the only one. I am 50/50 at this point to delete her on facebook but I will probably wait another month or two to do that.
dng Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Oh boy. Seriously people. Delete delete delete. They left you, broke off the relationship, whether for good or bad reasons, doesn't matter, and you are hesitating to delete them off a social network site? Go ahead and delete them. Yes, your hand will shake as you click them away, but you will be better and stronger for it. I deleted mine within weeks and never regretted it. Came to block her later when she started using facebook to break throught my wall of NC. Just do it.
DustySaltus Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 You can't ever judge someone's relationship from a specific moment in time when a picture is taken. If you would've seen a picture of me and my ex the day before we broke up, you would've thought we were married 20 years already..... The reason why facebook is so sucessfully is the same reason why it is so toxic when it comes to breakups....People like to snoop around, looking at other people's pictures AND love to talk about their favorite subject.....THEMSELVES. OP, everything will be ok, but you have to delete her now. Begin the healing process for yourself...read the links in my signature.
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