I found her posts on other forums!!

[Pokemon]

 

Better yet...why don't you give the BS the same you have - clarity. Tell her the truth so that she too might be free. Right now, she, as you once did, only had half the story. Fill her in. Give her the missing pieces.

 

......

 

The question, for you, is why? how? What allowed me to fall into this with a MM? And these would be valid questions to ask if this had been a "normal breakup" of single guy and single gal. I think its part of the healing and growing we all do.

 

 

 

I have no intention of filling the BS in on anything. I know how bad he is and how terrible the situation is, and if they have to spend the next few years repairing it (and failing), then so be it. If they manage to fix it, that's OK too, karma always finds it's way.

 

The question of why I did it? I know why. I graduated out of college in '08, and had all my friends around. But somehow towards the end of '09, ALL MY FRIENDS LEFT TOWN. Some took jobs elsewhere, some moved home. I clung on to him because of loneliness. He provided me with friendship, support and love (albeit lots of lies), and I took it all for more than a year. My job is based here, and I didn't leave because the work is good. But without girlfriends and guy friends my own age, it's difficult to fill time in on a Friday or Saturday night. I'm the sort who would rather watch a good movie at home then go out and party.

 

Now that I ditched him, my judgment on life is so much clearer, and I intend to keep it this way. Took every step to prevent contact and will NOT break NC.

 

I googled because it would be nice to fill in the missing pieces (that he never gave me), NOT because I wanted hope out of our failed relationship. I liked the answers I found, but my decision is made and my mind is set.

 

I like being free, I feel at peace now.

[greengoddess]

I have no intention of filling the BS in on anything. I know how bad he is and how terrible the situation is, and if they have to spend the next few years repairing it (and failing), then so be it. If they manage to fix it, that's OK too, karma always finds it's way.

 

.

Why? Why such hostility toward the BW. She is dealing with all his lies too and doesn't know it. She thinks you were just sex because he has a sex addiction. Why not set her straight and let her know it was much more than sex and all the promises he made you. Why allow anothe woman to waste more years of her life on this man. Give her the freedom you now feel. Have some compassion and talk to her. She hasn't hurt you, you have hurt her. Free her.

[greengoddess]

I have no intention of filling the BS in on anything. I know how bad he is and how terrible the situation is, and if they have to spend the next few years repairing it (and failing), then so be it. If they manage to fix it, that's OK too, karma always finds it's way.

 

.

Why? Why such hostility toward the BW. She is dealing with all his lies too and doesn't know it. She thinks you were just sex because he has a sex addiction. Why not set her straight and let her know it was much more than sex and all the promises he made you. Why allow anothe woman to waste more years of her life on this man. Give her the freedom you now feel. Have some compassion and talk to her. She hasn't hurt you, you have hurt her. Free her.

[Pokemon]

But that was my point. I don't want to free her.

 

I freed myself and isn't it my turn to be selfish? After all, he was VERY selfish for the last 13 months.

 

Personally, I also don't want to deal with the emotional mess when she realizes it is a full-fledged, emotional AND sexual affair. It will probably crush her self-esteem even further. I also don't want to come across like a nosy 3rd party after it's over.

 

If xMM reasons it is less damage to her by making her believe it was a sex addiction, then let it be. At least it gives the BS reason to HOPE when he "manages to quit his addiction through therapy".

[greengoddess]

But that was my point. I don't want to free her.

 

I freed myself and isn't it my turn to be selfish? After all, he was VERY selfish for the last 13 months.

 

Personally, I also don't want to deal with the emotional mess when she realizes it is a full-fledged, emotional AND sexual affair. It will probably crush her self-esteem even further. I also don't want to come across like a nosy 3rd party after it's over.

 

If xMM reasons it is less damage to her by making her believe it was a sex addiction, then let it be. At least it gives the BS reason to HOPE when he "manages to quit his addiction through therapy".

 

What has she done to you? Were you not slefish the whole 13 months you were involved with and living in another woman's home? Free this woman. Enjoy the good karma it brings you.

 

You sound so angry with the bw. Why is that? Why are you angry with her. She is a victim in this as you were with all his lies. You know how awful it feels. Use that feeling and have some compassion.

[Silly_Girl]

But that was my point. I don't want to free her.

 

I freed myself and isn't it my turn to be selfish? After all, he was VERY selfish for the last 13 months.

 

Personally, I also don't want to deal with the emotional mess when she realizes it is a full-fledged, emotional AND sexual affair. It will probably crush her self-esteem even further. I also don't want to come across like a nosy 3rd party after it's over.

 

If xMM reasons it is less damage to her by making her believe it was a sex addiction, then let it be. At least it gives the BS reason to HOPE when he "manages to quit his addiction through therapy".

 

I'd normally say 'tell' but if she knows he's sleeping around then the details are probably just 'noise' to her, and she may not believe anything more you could tell her. She's going to get from him what's she's going to get from him regardless of her husband's motivations for cheating. I say Stay Away and keep the focus on you and your new-found freedom and peace.