MEN - would you respect a classy yet kinky girlfriend?

[TooAccepting32]

Clarity, about my post:

 

 

It means that your words, sincere feelings and slightly-tentative feminine ways appeal to lots and lots of guys.

 

 

Don't clam-up and be afraid to express yourself to your intimate partners.

 

 

That's really good to know, thanks sincere

[TooAccepting32]

Nolongersad:

 

haha grandma

 

Thanks so much for this excellent advice. It's quite the coincidence how suiting it is for my situation.

 

In fact, there's no WAY I would move in before marriage. I'm not going to live like I'm married to someone until I'm prepared to actually marry them.

 

I really like him, however I also like myself and for progression to happen, I'll have to see signs he's stable and can take on responsibility. I'm missing information about his capacity for this because of his current career and living circumstances and lack of any other thing in his life that could show this at this time.

 

I can't wait forever to see signs of stability, so I will observe for 2 more months. I'm attractive, intelligent, ambitious, caring, sincere, and much more.. I won't allow myself to be taken for granted.

 

He's recently mentioned buying a house.. it's highly possible it's only talk. I would consider a house to be taking on responsibility.

 

A "nudge" toward marriage eh? What kind of nudge? I'm curious

[Tethys]

You sound hot. Don't question this part of yourself, it's very desirable to men. In fact, if things don't work out between you and him....

[TooAccepting32]

1. Getting married isn't an assertion of self worth, or, at least, it shouldn't be.

2. Not wanting to get married doesn't necessarily mean one isn't serious about a relationship, or is afraid of commitment.

3. Pressuring someone you barely know (4 months is nothing) into marriage is irresponsible, manipulative and a sure way to make a relationship ultimately fail.

4. People should choose to be and stay together because they want to, not because the state, or God, or the spaghetti monster is watching over them. Therefore, the "tie him/her down before they get bored with you" attitude is unhealthy and contradicts human nature quite profoundly. Marriage is just a legal document. The feelings behind it are what matters.

5. Moving in with someone is the perfect way to find out first-hand if married life with that person is a realistic idea.

6. Many of those women who have gone from one relationship to another will probably make much better life partners than those who think that life is a house with a white picket fence and 2.5 children.

 

I apologize if any of this came across as mean-spirited. It was not meant to be.

 

Yea I used to think like you. Now I have a different perspective:

 

1. You're right. Self worth is deciding for yourself what you want and not settling for less. If you want marriage and he/she doesn't, honour yourself and get out.

 

2. Sure. If both people want the same thing and are honest about it.

 

3. I don't think Nolongersad was suggesting that. Don't worry, pressure is not necessary. I focus on my own responsibility to get my needs met and sometimes that means leaving the relationship. It's not reasonable for one person to sacrifice their needs or life goals for the other whether we're talking about forcing of marriage, or depriving of marriage. There are so many people in the world. Find one with similar goals.

 

4. Yep, even when I'm married, being with my husband will always be a choice. I will always have the means to support myself and signing a marriage contract doesn't mean signing away my right to fulfillment or to be properly cared for. He will have the same freedom of choice.

 

5. Moving in with someone is also a perfect way to end up staying for far too long with the WRONG person...

 

6. A woman who wants marriage is not necessarily conventional in all other ways. Look at the title of this thread

 

What it comes down to is that we all as individuals decide what we WANT and what our goals are. It's our full right as the responsible directors and authorities of our own lives and whatever it may be that we want it's not up for judgment, debate or modification by other's.

[Flirt]

What it comes down to is that we all as individuals decide what we WANT and what our goals are. It's our full right as the responsible directors and authorities of our own lives and whatever it may be that we want it's not up for judgment, debate or modification by other's.

 

That's what I was trying to convey without knowing you personally or your particular circumstances. No offense to marriage proponents. This type of advice just sounds so intrusive and unromantic to me. That's all.

[Hibou]

I felt a little weird and conflicted about what I do between the sheets at first, but letting repressive social morays dictate how you feel about something you can't control isn't good for anyone.

 

I always sort of worry if the guy is going to get the wrong impression about me from my demeanor in bed (submissive). I think the only thing you can do is have a really frank discussion about fetishes and kink, so everyone knows where everyone is coming from. I doubt he thinks you actually need to be punished, since you are in a relationship and he has gotten to know you, but some men do think that. I've met them. They don't seem to get that the role you play in the bedroom has literally nothing to do with who you actually are. Those kind of men, however, are the kind that buy Russian brides or frequent prostitutes, so you're probably OK. Still, just talk about it. You never know, he might be feeling a little like a misogynist or pervert in spite of how much he likes "punishing" you, and is hoping you don't think he's creepy.