My Bf is so so visual - how to deal with it?

[asrgal]

My

bf

and I have been together for over 3 yr. He is a great guy I know he loves me but we always argue...always the same issue. He is

so

visual. I know all men are. And I think as long as you look at beautiful women because of beauty, like looking at art, it is OK....but then move on.

He is starring at women, he does right there with me, too much! too the extreme. I have noticed him walking after them just get another glimpse. Or on the playground starring at that pretty mom for way too long even with her husband at her side. I told him it hurts me, it is too much, he doesn't even seem to notice. It became such a vicious cycle, I can only imagine how much worse he is when I am not around. It makes me feel as I am never good enough for him, it puts me down. What am I to do? Am I wrong by feeling hurt, how can I talk to him about it without having an agruement?

Any advice????

Edited November 29, 2010 by asrgal

[jimrich]

RE: It makes me feel as I am never good enough for him, it puts me down.

... That's about your own indequate self esteem.

What am I to do? Am I wrong by feeling hurt, how can I talk to him about it without having an agruement?

... Your not 'wrong' to feel hurt but you need to be in a better emotional/mental place to talk about it without arguing.

.... I see 2 problems there.

1. You are suffering with bad/faulty self worth/esteem which causes you to react badly to other (threatening) women. The solution is to get some kind of self worth/respect or self esteem training to boost up your lagging self worth. Once done, other women will no longer be a threat to your self worth or confidence. Google: self worth or look for books on the subject.

 

2. You need to study up on relationship skills (google it) and learn how to communicate better to get what you both want and avoid the arguments that inadequate communication invites. Once you have good self worth, letting others know what you want and EXPECT in a relationship will be both easier and way more effective. You won't stand for insulting, disrespectful behavior and will know exactly how to put a stop to it and initiate more respectful behaviors.

[threebyfate]

He is starring at women, he does right there with me, too much! too the extreme. I have noticed him walking after them just get another glimpse. Or on the playground starring at that pretty mom for way too long even with her husband at her side.

He's rude as hell and being disrespectful.

 

I told him it hurts me, it is too much, he doesn't even seem to notice.

He's telling you that your feelings about the subject don't matter to him.

 

You have three choices since you've already talked to him about it and he's doing nothing to take your feelings into consideration.

1. You can dump him which I would recommend. His selfish behaviour will permeate more than this. Best to think about what I mean before rejecting this concept.
   
2. You can allow this to fester and boil, continuing to argue with him until you or your relationship breaks.
   
3. You can do the same back to him, craning your neck to check out men, following them to get another glimpse while he's right next to you being ignored like yesterday's news.
   

[carhill]

Same guy?

 

A serious question I would suggest that you ask yourself is, in light of the past thread, if the same man, and this one, would you find a communicative guy who didn't stare at other women attractive? Don't answer immediately. That answer is your intellect talking. It doesn't rule attraction. Good luck and my sympathies.