I don't get it.

[Autumn_Zephyr]

My stbx has tried to playful today, like putting his head in my lap, tickleing me, trying to make me smile and laugh and actually getting into my personal space when all I want is for him to stay out of my personal space bubble. I already told him that I don't want to play like that and for him to stop, but that was last week. I think he's trying to break down my walls without dealing with the real issues that I have about him. And that he's horny and if he can get me in a good mood I feel he may have thought his chances of getting laid increases. I'm as pent up as he is, maybe more so.

 

The more he tried to play the more depressed and down I got, and then he stopped. I had to tell him all over again why I'm not playing. Which leads right back to why I'm sleeping on the couch and wanting a divorce. He gets upset and doesn't understand why I won't drop it. He says he's said sorry but sorry won't fix it. He act's like sorry is enough to fix it but it's not for me. I asked him if he really felt that it was alright to view pictures like those and I get the same thing, it's just pictures and you're the one with the problem with it.

 

God, it was a bad afternoon. Long story short, he tells me I have wall up and he can't get past, that I don't want him any more, so what's the use of trying. Then he tells me, it's over. It's just over, you just got to move on.

 

He told told me that because I was digging to see if he finely sees the f*ing problem. No, he just sees that he made a mistake and it destoryed the marriage. But morally, he's sees nothing wrong with what he's done.

 

Am I wrong for hoping and praying that if there was any chance in hell to keep this marriage and family together that he's have to have a change in morality?? That change is what I need. But I'm not getting it from him and I sure as hell can not tell him that is what I need. The chance he'd fake it is too high.

 

We even discussed the incident over six years ago with the incest stories and he still feels that he was with in his rights to use, view and read such stuff even despite my deeply held personal objections. I get I'm sorry's but I don't believe them. He still uses the same argument he always has, that it's his right to do so and no one has the right to say other wise.

 

Am I wrong in asking him to not view that stuff, because of how close it is to the abuse I endured? Is it wrong to demand that my husband has similar morals to me, especially in areas that approach and come close to the abuse that I endured? Don't I have the right as a wife to ask these things? Why do my needs get ignored?

 

Why did it feel like he turned this whole thing on it's head and now I feel like he's dumped me??? I just don't get it. I know what I have to do but hope is dying fairly quickly now. His moral compass is broken. I will not be with a man who enjoys and thinks that nothing is wrong with those *I choke to say it* forms of porn. That is my right to demand that. ****, even him cheating on me didn't break the marriage but this has.

 

I'm hurting. I don't get it, I don't. I don't get him any more. This isn't the man I married. This man came afterwards. He's not the one I loved. I feel like he was dangling that man in front of me today, to entice me to stay. He's not making it easy. It feels like he's playing dirty. Why can't he deal with the issues I have with him? Why can't we talk about it until I'm blue in the face? We don't talk about it. I've brought it up a total of five times sense June of this year.

 

Sigh. Any ideas?

[sirweasles]

I dont know your full story or even what kind of porn he is looking at but I can tell you that if a person especially a man is unsatisfied sexually they will find other means that they fill are morally ok If my wife had told me that I couldntlook at porn I would have laughed at her over it now if there was a certain kind of porn that offended her and hurt her I would never look at that kind. I see relationships all the time that have one or the other constantly getting after there spouse becouse they looked at a good looking man or woman as they walked by to me that is over controlling and it pushes wedges into relationships you have to be on level ground to make anything work if my wife went out and did somthing intentionally knowing it was goin to be very hurtful to me it would tell me either she was trying to get my attention or she was trying to hurt me It is really easy to get complacent and to forget about the others needs also you have to understand when you are stressed or always busy and cant be there for your spouse it starts to hurt there self esteem and alot of times they will react badly kinda like fliging your hand into the exhoust vent on the stove after you burn it. you might start by askig him what he was needing and what you were neglecting that would make him do what he did if he cant tell you then you know that he just doesnt really care and the couch is way too close tell him to hit the road until he can figure somthin out.

[Enema]

I think this one is over.

 

You've got a lot of deep seated issues re: porn and it doesn't seem like you'll ever have a healthy opinion of it.

 

Yes, it's wrong of you to demand he change to assuage your personal issues.

 

You're both on different pages here about sexuality. That's a pretty big issue. Above all, you should never try to change your partner. If you don't see eye to eye, move on.

[Autumn_Zephyr]

I think this one is over.

 

You've got a lot of deep seated issues re: porn and it doesn't seem like you'll ever have a healthy opinion of it.

 

Yes, it's wrong of you to demand he change to assuage your personal issues.

 

You're both on different pages here about sexuality. That's a pretty big issue. Above all, you should never try to change your partner. If you don't see eye to eye, move on.

 

I guess it's not reasonable to expect folks to read anything on the backstory of this mess. Please take the time to do so. I do have deep seated issues on porn. Not all porn but on porn that comes close to the abuse that I endured as a child; incest porn and lolicon porn. I WAS MOLESTED AND RAPED AS A CHILD!! I do not feel it's unreasonable to expect and ask my husband to stop viewing and indulging in that type of porn and expect him to do so!

 

He knows my history. He knows my objections to those forms of porn and it didn't matter a tinkers damn what I felt about it. He knew this before we married. And if you don't know what lolicon porn is, google it and then get back to me! Wiki is as far as anyone needs to go.

 

As to being on different pages in regards to sexuality, no kidding. Been that way from the beginning. He's tried to change me, coerce me into doing the things he wants but never cared about my objections to it. And I'm the one who gets cut off. That isn't right either.

 

I don't know how you got the idea I'm against all forms of porn. I specifically stated what types of porn I have a huge problem with! If you don't have a problem with the kinds of porn he was looking at then, you're sick.