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I like him (a co-worker) but he has a girlfriend! Testing patience...


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Posted

I met this guy at my new job a bit over a month ago. He is seriously one of the sweetest guys... one of those "nice guys" that girls are always claiming no longer exist.

 

He and I have developed a pretty good friendship. He helps me out at work when I need it, he has taken me out for dinner, taught me how to drive his car, opened doors for me, etc. I have spent the night at his house twice - NOTHING has happened. We just sat around talking and watching movies.

 

Last night, we were talking, and he told me: "I really like you and you're the type of person I would go out with. But since I'm in a relationship, I can't do that despite my wanting to bend the rules and see where things would lead. It would lead to more heartache and distrust on all levels with everyone. It's a fragile line for me: to be so close, yet so far from something. And the fact that it is seen as a forbidden thing makes that more tempting and that much more dangerous. I don't want you to have no trust in me, but I don't think you should be in the dark on how I feel about the whole thing."

 

Yeah... But in no way at all do I want to come between him and his girlfriend. They've got each other, which is how it's supposed to be for now. But that doesn't change the fact that I like him a lot, and he apparently likes me too.

 

I'm just lost on what to do at this point. I know I can't be with him or make any moves on him - I don't want to, because I don't want anything to come between him and the girl. And I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt his girlfriend, nor would I want him to. But... what do I do from here? Continue being his friend, hanging out as we are, and chance the feelings getting stronger? What?

 

He is going to be gone from January-June, so I won't see him at all during that time. I may not even get to talk to him. So even if he were single, right now would be the wrong time for "us" since he's going to be gone for so long, but then he'll be back...and back at work by July...

 

 

I have NEVER been a patient person, but I guess I'm going to have to learn patience right now. Wanting something I can't have... *Sigh* I'm a strong believer in "what's meant to be will be" so I tend to not worry too much over things. But... I just find myself liking him more and more each day. So much I want to do and say, yet can't for the fear of stepping over those boundaries.

Posted

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!

 

Stop hanging out with him now. "Things" haven't happened yet, but they will. He's already laid the groundwork with his cute, sweet speech about how wrong it would be.

 

He'll be gone in Jan, use that time to forget about him and find someone who's available.

 

And it's true, if it's meant to be, it will be. Someday when he DOESN'T HAVE A GF and isn't actively courting you on the side. Oy.

 

I'm not trying to be mean, but you're in the perfect position to save yourself without much pain right now. DO IT. TRUST ME.

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Posted

Thanks for the input...

 

Honestly, I don't think that anything would happen. He just isn't the type to do that while he has a girlfriend, and I'm not the type to do anything with a man who has a girlfriend.

 

But you're probably right - leaving things alone right now would probably save me some heartache down the road. But what am I to do? I enjoy hanging out with him quite a bit - even just as friends. And we work together, thus see each other there almost every day. How do I avoid him, when I still have to see him? I don't want the poor guy to get the impression that I hate him or something.

Posted

Oh, how I wish it was as easy as believing everything we hear, and "knowing" that someone isn't the kind of person to cheat. Trust me, I've been right where you are. But take it from an OLD WOMAN who's been around the block more times than I care to admit - you've only known him for ONE month. You have NO IDEA what his true history is, whether he is truly the man of integrity that he says he is.

 

He clearly likes you and enjoys your company, and don't take this the wrong way, but only knowing you so long, that's all it is for him. He's already told you he's not interested in having a relationship with you because he's already got one of those. That very statement renders your boat dead in the water.

 

Now read again what he said to you & pay attention to the bold parts:

 

"I really like you and you're the type of person I would go out with. But since I'm in a relationship, I can't do that despite my wanting to bend the rules and see where things would lead. It would lead to more heartache and distrust on all levels with everyone. It's a fragile line for me: to be so close, yet so far from something. And the fact that it is seen as a forbidden thing makes that more tempting and that much more dangerous. I don't want you to have no trust in me, but I don't think you should be in the dark on how I feel about the whole thing."

 

His statements really don't need much translation... I want to bend the rules and I'm this close to doing it, considering the FACT that it's SO tempting, and I'm issuing this disclaimer now so that if we do end up bending the rules I won't look like a cheating jerk.

 

He has nothing to lose. He's leaving for 6 months - he's in the perfect position for getting away with it - he'll be gone, won't have to own up to the GF OR you.

 

Now, all this being said, I do sincerely hope that this is the worst-case scenario and I'm just being pessimistic...but I've been around too long and experienced too much, to be so sanguine in my approach to something like this.

 

The bottom line, though, you've already realized: even if he was single and available, there's no point starting anything since he's leaving in a month. You'll just be heartbroken when he leaves, and let's be honest, there's no gaurantee he wouldn't end up involved with someone else in the time apart.

 

My advice still stands...you can be friends, but you've got to back WAY off...no more spending time alone together. It'll only perpetuate this dangerous situation for you and how much more the miserable it will be for you when he's gone. It's already a GUARANTEE that he'll be completely unavailable for six months - why sign yourself up for that?

 

Save yourself now, darlin'. That's what I would do for myself.

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