durkadurka Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 (edited) Follow up to my thread I posted about a week ago. I'm in Vegas with my ex, staying at the Bellagio. It's been a confusing experience to say the least. She's dropped lines like 'Now that I'm back in your life you have to start eating healthy again', 'If we get married, we need to have a big wedding', amongst other things like saying how good we look together and we'd make great kids. How she wouldn't want to be here with anyone else but me and how much fun she's having. But she's also been really restrained, there has been no sex, only holding hands, cuddling and snuggling, she was nice enough to give me a message . We share a bed. We were out last night and I wouldn't say I laid it down on her, but she could definitely tell something was up. She asked and I told her that I'm happy to be here with her, and that I was happy I could bring her here. I didn't really want to bring up the relationship. I'm looking to the future not the past. As the night went on I took her to this club she wanted to go to, things got a little bit awkward, eventually I just told her to speak her mind. She said she had a lot to think about, she's just trying to deal with what's going on. That she realizes that if something happens, it is a big deal. It's not just sex. She then broke into tears saying how much she has been thinking of me, but that she is seeing someone and she just doesn't know what's going on in her life, and that she's been restrained while she was down here because she doesn't know what to do. To quote her 'It's not that I don't crave or desire to have sex with you, I do. I just don't know what to do here because if we it the decision is much bigger than just having sex' Now, this leaves me in an awkward position because that chat last night was fueled by booze. I don't really know what to do now, because she's still being touchy feely with me. Gahh. It's tough because I'm seeing here run around the room half naked. It's like in some ways she's pretending we're still together, and in other ways absolutely not. I'm not getting an inch from her. So, how do I change my approach? Edited November 28, 2010 by durkadurka
listen_to_me_please Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 (edited) It's been a confusing experience to say the least. But she's also been really restrained, there has been no sex, only holding hands, cuddling and snuggling. To quote her 'It's not that I don't crave or desire to have sex with you, I do. I just don't know what to do here because if we it the decision is much bigger than just having sex' I don't really know what to do now, because she's still being touchy feely with me. Gahh. It's tough because I'm seeing here run around the room half naked. It's like in some ways she's pretending we're still together, and in other ways absolutely not. I'm not getting an inch from her. So, how do I change my approach? I can tell you exactly whats going on here: You my friend are in a bad jam. Your girlfriend is having sex with someone else. She is being intimate with someone else. She is giving blow jobs, and having sexual relationships with someone else. This someone else is her priority. You are the back-end up plan. You are plan B. Your girlfriend is confused and this is a damaged female. You, I say again are Plan B. You are an option. To answer your questions: 'It's not that I don't crave or desire to have sex with you, I do. I just don't know what to do here because if we it the decision is much bigger than just having sex This has 100% absolutely NOTHING, NOTHING to do with you. This is her problem. You see, if she engages in sexual intercourse with you, it means she is cheating on her boyfriend physically. She is already cheating on him emotionally by even being with you. She doesn't know if she wants to get rid of him and go back to you (her head is severely damaged) Point 2: The second reason she is running around the room half naked is because you allow her. She likes the attention. She is already having sex with someone else. Her physical needs are being met. Your like the doormat nice guy here. She is comfortable doing that with you and she knows your not going to rape her. Your a joke to her. Someone who loves her and would do anything she ask(s). Your like her puppy, an assecory to her life. Sort of like a pair of shoes she puts on and takes off. Point 3: I see this happen all the time, especially with new-age women. You already submitted to her and you sold your self short because your not even having any sex. She is taking vacations with her former boyfriend while she has sex with her current boyfriend. Who paid for the vacation? Was it you? If it was you, your now a sugar daddy but not getting sex. Your like her gay queer girlfriend (no offense to the gays) So, how do I change my approach? You change your approach by disappearing. Just disappear. Change your phone number. Leave the hotel room (if you have the money, just book another room) Don't tell her, don't tell her anything, just get up in the middle of the night and leave. Go back home. Change your number. Get away from HER. Get away right now. Run as far as you can. Stop being around her. Stop calling her. Stop going on vacations. You will only pro-long the suffering. Your relationship is not in a good shape. The person she's having sex with, is whom she loves the most. There is nothing you can do except to stop being an emotional tampon. I'm sorry if these words hurt you, everyone here will agree with me. Get away from her now. You my friend are in a non-winnable situation. Your like a mouse fighting a lion. You will not win. to RECAP. a) Disappear or B Have a talk "Hello sweety, I love you dearly but I am not able to contiune this relationship. You are a cosntant tease and you know I love you but your having sexual relationships with another man. You walk around the room half-naked and you lead me on constantly by being a flirtatious tease. I have needs as well as you and I'm still in love with you, as you are clearly aware. After this vacation is over, I will no longer be in communications with you because I have to take time and heal myself as well as my heart. I wish you the best and I hope you enjoy your new relationship. Lets enjoy our time while we are in vegas. When we return hoMe, I'm going to need to be alone for a while just so I can clear my head and figure out what new path I am going to take in life." and with that said, go and see one of those nude broadway plays and pretends she's a friend and try to hit on new people while in vegas. Edited November 29, 2010 by listen_to_me_please
Perhaps Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 I can tell you exactly whats going on here: You my friend are in a bad jam. Your girlfriend is having sex with someone else. She is being intimate with someone else. She is giving blow jobs, and having sexual relationships with someone else. This someone else is her priority. You are the back-end up plan. You are plan B. Your girlfriend is confused and this is a damaged female. You, I say again are Plan B. You are an option. To answer your questions: 'It's not that I don't crave or desire to have sex with you, I do. I just don't know what to do here because if we it the decision is much bigger than just having sex This has 100% absolutely NOTHING, NOTHING to do with you. This is her problem. You see, if she engages in sexual intercourse with you, it means she is cheating on her boyfriend physically. She is already cheating on him emotionally by even being with you. She doesn't know if she wants to get rid of him and go back to you (her head is severely damaged) Point 2: The second reason she is running around the room half naked is because you allow her. She likes the attention. She is already having sex with someone else. Her physical needs are being met. Your like the doormat nice guy here. She is comfortable doing that with you and she knows your not going to rape her. Your a joke to her. Someone who loves her and would do anything she ask(s). Your like her puppy, an assecory to her life. Sort of like a pair of shoes she puts on and takes off. Point 3: I see this happen all the time, especially with new-age women. You already submitted to her and you sold your self short because your not even having any sex. She is taking vacations with her former boyfriend while she has sex with her current boyfriend. Who paid for the vacation? Was it you? If it was you, your now a sugar daddy but not getting sex. Your like her gay queer girlfriend (no offense to the gays) So, how do I change my approach? You change your approach by disappearing. Just disappear. Change your phone number. Leave the hotel room (if you have the money, just book another room) Don't tell her, don't tell her anything, just get up in the middle of the night and leave. Go back home. Change your number. Get away from HER. Get away right now. Run as far as you can. Stop being around her. Stop calling her. Stop going on vacations. You will only pro-long the suffering. Your relationship is not in a good shape. The person she's having sex with, is whom she loves the most. There is nothing you can do except to stop being an emotional tampon. I'm sorry if these words hurt you, everyone here will agree with me. Get away from her now. You my friend are in a non-winnable situation. Your like a mouse fighting a lion. You will not win. to RECAP. a) Disappear or B Have a talk "Hello sweety, I love you dearly but I am not able to contiune this relationship. You are a cosntant tease and you know I love you but your having sexual relationships with another man. You walk around the room half-naked and you lead me on constantly by being a flirtatious tease. I have needs as well as you and I'm still in love with you, as you are clearly aware. After this vacation is over, I will no longer be in communications with you because I have to take time and heal myself as well as my heart. I wish you the best and I hope you enjoy your new relationship. Lets enjoy our time while we are in vegas. When we return hoMe, I'm going to need to be alone for a while just so I can clear my head and figure out what new path I am going to take in life." and with that said, go and see one of those nude broadway plays and pretends she's a friend and try to hit on new people while in vegas. No disrespect but.. (and I'm going only by what you've said here).. she is "seeing someone else" while you're (and I hope this is where I'm wrong) treating her to Vegas. You need to stay away from this girl. Seriously, don't you think you deserve to be in Vegas, in a nice hotel, with someone who isn't "unsure" about how she feels about you? Tell her to think about what she wants and until she figures it out, she shouldn't bother contacting you. If she takes longer than a week, I wouldn't even bother picking up her calls after unless she REALLY shows sincerity. Point is: You shouldn't care about her 'emotional state'. The 'I don't know where I am in life' crap is so old, it has turned into fertilizer. Seriously. She CANNOT decide if she wants you while you're taking her to Vegas. That is really disrespectful and an insult toward you, your efforts, your love, and every bit of you that wants her to be with you. I really feel for you and I've been in the same place as you and trust me, once you get out of this state (which you will as long as you stay away from her), you'll realize how she played you.
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