stoploss11 Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 hey, need help. So, last night after a month of chasing, then onto 7 weeks of NC me ignoring and avoiding her, she made attempts to say hi but I never tried to talk ot her at work or anywhere. 3 times i last 2 weeks she basically jumped in front of me, and I respoded cordially. Also on halloween she came over directly to my desk w her baby. Other than that nothign from me. I wanted to grab you or play with the baby so bad. She walked by on way out smiling and laughing back at me. Last night I ****ed up and emailed her becasue of the rumors at work. We went on for 4 hours til 3am back and forth. Mostly arguing and about the rumors. Apparently a guy at work has been chasing her for 3 yrs, and 2 weeks ago they got together. (Allegedly from his mouth) Did me ignoring her leave it open for him to step in, does it mean anything, regardless she still has not moved out from the BD baby's daddy. She's a young mother and very immature and nieve. Shes been abused most her life including current BD. A few things annoyed me, She said if I wanted to talk to her I would have come up to her and asked her to lunch, if I wanted to have lunch this week she's fine with that. I didnt respond because I was busy, she said so u want to talk but not if I suggest lunch. **** her, I tried to talk she shut down and ignored me. Whether it had to do w the baby, or her mother bailing on her, or baby daddy or this other dude that chases after her. She literally went from spending most of her time fussing w me including her baby, to when her mom bailed on moving here to help her, she completely shut down. How do I get her to squirm and get the power back. What do I say when I go to lunch with her. I want some answers about us but dont want to attack her, she'll shut down and walk away. I want her to know she ****ed up, and know what she wanted with me and why she stopped. I'm indifferent right now about being with her, 50-50. She'd have to squash all the drama and stop being afraid. I just want to walk away from it having her wonder what she was losing. Please help me...
bentnotbroken Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 :eek:Help you do what? Be with a woman who needs outside validation to feel any self worth? Or is it to be with a woman who values her body and her ethics above all else? What is it you want? You said to regain power, power over her, her body, her actions...what? You say you are indifferent yet here you are asking for help? Which is it? Are you indifferent or are you itching to gain power over somebody else?
Author stoploss11 Posted November 28, 2010 Author Posted November 28, 2010 I don't know what I want. I didn't mean power or control that way, but it does sound bad. She went so far out of her way with herself and baby to be with me. Tell her family about us. Set to introduce us, but I left town unexpectedly. I wanted to find out part of what you did say though. Was it just a game to prove her self worth. Was it her mother telling her basically shes stuck on her own with the baby's dad. Was it me ignoring her for 2 months after, her shut down. She was abused sexually and emotionally growing up and seems bi-polar; sees a therapist but I never pried into that diagnosis. I didn't want her to get hurt, whether the rumors are true or not, he shouldn't be saying anything. Thats the only reason I contacted her. I realized i don't feel any less embarrassingly enough. So I guess I am not indifferent. I do not want the power to control her, I just dont want to feel like I am being strung along. I'd like to know what to ask her to get an honest answer about us and all of the things that have happened.
TigerCub Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 I don't know what I want. I didn't mean power or control that way, but it does sound bad. She went so far out of her way with herself and baby to be with me. Tell her family about us. Set to introduce us, but I left town unexpectedly. I wanted to find out part of what you did say though. Was it just a game to prove her self worth. Was it her mother telling her basically shes stuck on her own with the baby's dad. Was it me ignoring her for 2 months after, her shut down. She was abused sexually and emotionally growing up and seems bi-polar; sees a therapist but I never pried into that diagnosis. Do any of these answers really matter? The fact is, life sucks and its hard for everyone, even if this woman had all these hardships and problems in her past - that doesn't give her a life sentence of acting the way she does to constantly seek out validation. She acts the way she does because that's how she chooses to act, and do you really want to end up with such a high maintenance drama queen with so much baggage? I didn't want her to get hurt, whether the rumors are true or not, he shouldn't be saying anything. Thats the only reason I contacted her. But that's her issue, not yours. If she chooses to act in a way that's going to start all sorts of rumors about her at work, that's her doing! It's not your place to worry about the rumors and what people are saying about her. She needs to learn a lot of lessons on her own - and some of them, will be learned the hard way. But really, who cares, if she is acting in a way that's jepordizing her career and her work reputation - that's her choice, you're not her father, you're not someone that should take it upon themselves to teach her the correct path. She's a grown woman, she needs to smarten up on her own. I realized i don't feel any less embarrassingly enough. So I guess I am not indifferent. I do not want the power to control her, I just dont want to feel like I am being strung along. I'd like to know what to ask her to get an honest answer about us and all of the things that have happened. If you don't want to feel like you're being strung along, then DON'T LET HER STRING YOU ALONG. THis woman started up with someone else from work, and says that she wont talk to you UNLESS YOU TAKE HER OUT FOR LUNCH!! Really? You say that you want to have the upper hand again (not in those words - but that's what I read into it), then I would suggest that you don't just do as she says like a trained little puppy. If she doesn't want to talk to you through email or a normal phone converstation, why the hell would you cave and do it under her conditions (ie. taking her out)? That really doesn't show "power" or having the upper hand. She says jump you say how high - believe me hun, that's not having the upper hand. Tell her, that if she doesn't want to talk to you through email or on the phone, then that's fine, you were just concerned for her, but you now guess there is no need to be since she's still into game play and BS. Tell her to have a nice life.
awkward Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 (edited) How do I get her to squirm and get the power back. 1. Don't show up at lunch. Ignore her calls, emails,. IM's etc. When she comes to you in person to ask what's wrong, you say nothing. 2. If your more interested in playing games with her like she does you, then perhaps your potential new girlfriend needs to stop by your office. I suggest you go with #1. Good luck. I'd like to know what to ask her to get an honest answer about us and all of the things that have happened. That's the $64,000 question. Edited November 29, 2010 by awkward
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