Ex boyfriend + new girlfriend + me = a messed up mind game

[OneSadLady]

Ok, this stuff is getting really really weird. I don't really know what I am doing or what I should expect, but it's quite the interesting predicament and it's actually giving me closure but I am so confused.

 

This is what happened:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251474/

 

Ok, so he's in jail right now, might be getting out VERY soon. He did finally write me a letter that said that he still loved me and imagined us having kids and all that good crap. I'm really into Japanese studies (neat culture) and he went through the effort of looking stuff up in it and said that he one day wanted to be my "aisaika" which means "devoted husband" and that he hasn't given up on me. He wants to be friends and eventually work things out because I'm his true love blah blah blah. Oh and also that his new girlfriend is more like a "friend." I don't really believe that at all, but here's where it starts to get interesting.

 

So his new gf, she's neat to talk to at times, but when I feel like messing with her I easily upset her. It's pretty comical, she's like "how do you know that?" Then she throws lies out there to try and make me sound bad and I can easily pull proofs as to why she's wrong, then she gets defensive and says like "I have never lied to you, why are you lying to me?!" Truth is I haven't lied to her. I told her that I love him and I do, but I don't really want him back (that I DID NOT tell her I omit truth, not lie). Am I twisted for messing with her? She tries to mess with me, but I kinda just shrug it off (for the most part) but she gets PISSED.

 

Ok, this is interesting. He really wants to see me when he gets out of jail. She even said that, as kinda a "goodbye" and "closure" type deal. She's willing to sit in her vehicle and give us our "us" time cuz she trusts him. I asked her if he wanted to see me. At first she said he was against it but she talked him into it, then he wanted to and then she said that he actually wanted ME to pick him up. Now I recently pissed her off so she said that they discussed it and that they agreed that since she's his new girlfriend that she should be the one to do it, not me. Ha ha ha ha, and she's so defensive all the time like "I'm not stupid" but she can't keep her stories straight.

 

See, since he's in jail I can't really talk to him. I don't have the money to pay for a card, he begged me to put $20 on my phone, so all the info I get from him is pretty much coming from her and besides I don't get reception very well where I live, so it's just not worth the effort in the first place. But he did beg me multiple times in the letter and even put it in all caps. He also asked me to "please write me back."

 

I did write him back, twice. One was talking about the relationship that is over and the other is full of jokes and riddles n' stuff to help time pass for him. So. . now she's pissed at me cuz I was still writing him letters! Well, he asked so I did, doesn't it sound like she's really jealous about something? Then I actually managed to hear him (he leaves messages where he should say his name) and asked me to send him another letter! After he tells her that I'm still writing him and she says that he's tired of me but what kinda game is he playing? I really don't see the point in this crap. I mean he even told me how he was going to stay in contact with me while he's with her so we can "work things out." I guess he figures sex with another woman is really good to help me realize just how "precious" he is.

 

He claims the break up is my fault, furthermore, in the letter. That he would have never left me if I didn't call the cops, but she slipped and said that he was leaving me anyway when he graduated his class, so I'm fairly certain that is a lie. He was going to leave me anyway, so why not have a clean break? Why even try to say that he still loves me?

 

Something else interesting. There's some games that he loves. His new gf claimed that he wanted them, I told her no, that they were MINE and were staying that way. So she gets pissed and calls me all the names in the book. So this led me to believe that perhaps he wrote the love letter to get the games, then she admits to a slight altercation between herself and him where he told her that she should not have demanded the games. So now I'm back to square one. She wants those games, she's calling me a child and spiteful for wanting to keep my own property.

 

I don't think I should go out and meet with him. I don't think it'll go very well. I'm not going to get hurt by all this I've let him go, didn't take me very long either but I'm just wondering what do you guys think is going on? What is going through their heads? I think he may just have sex on his mind but if he does then she'll get hurt and I really don't actually want her to get hurt, odd huh? He's going to screw her over and she expects him to help her support her three children and help pay bills when he couldn't even handle child support sufficiently enough to stay out of jail! So now bodes the question, who's going to hurt who first?

 

I hate mind games. I'm so tired of them, but yet this one I am drawn to. I feel like I'm not the victim but it's itching me like an uncompleted puzzle. I'm out of the relationship, so what the hell's the point in him doing all this crap? I'm out of ideas except for a few, that maybe he doesn't want to hurt my feelings, that he wants to make sure he can come back to me after he's over this fling, or that he wants some sort of revenge.

 

I know I'm an idiot, but I just really feel the need to know, any ideas?

[Stung]

If you had actually "let him go" you would not be obsessing over all this insane drama. You would not be writing to him in jail, you would not be "messing with" his new girlfriend to play with her mind. This situation is a petty little pot of boiling misery and lies, and everybody is the worse for it. I feel worse off for just having read about it.

 

My advice is to forget about this couple entirely. You'll be better off without him in your life--you'll all be better off without this ongoing angry emotional triangle, including the new gf's poor kids. Go total no contact and never look back, except to try to learn a lesson in who NOT to be attracted to in the future.

[veggirl]

:eek::eek:

 

WHY do you speak to this guy?

 

I'm really into Japanese studies (neat culture) and he went through the effort of looking stuff up in it and said that he one day wanted to be my "aisaika"

 

Wow, no way, not the effort of looking up one whole word.

 

Oh and also that his new girlfriend is more like a "friend."

 

and to his new girlfriend, you are also probably more like a "friend"

 

she's so defensive all the time

 

Well, by your own admission, you are actively messing with her head, so...go figure

 

 

I really don't see the point in this crap

 

Great! Then quit speaking to him AND her!

 

I guess he figures sex with another woman is really good to help me realize just how "precious" he is.

 

Sounds like he is succeeding.

 

Why even try to say that he still loves me?

 

Because you will believe him and then he can have you and her.

 

I don't think I should go out and meet with him.

 

No, you certainly shouldn't.

 

What is going through their heads?

 

Who cares? Let whatever is going through their heads go through their heads. It doesn't need to have anything to do with you. Why do you care what is going through their heads?

 

I hate mind games.

 

Well this is obviously not true. This whole situation is ridiculously dramatic and immature. WHO CARES if he wants you back? Who cares WHAT he wants? He is a complete LOSER and you should be THRILLED that he is not your problem anymore and not your boyfriend anymore. SERIOUSLY.

 

You have not moved on and you really, really need to.