Keriflower Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months. In the very beginning everything was wonderful and he seemed like the perfect guy for me. Recently he has been criticizing me and asking me to change. He works out at the gym, eats organic foods, visits the sauna daily, etc. He has recently started asking me to do those same things. I don't mind making healthy changes, but it is the way he goes about asking. One day when I was close to breaking up with him, due to feeling an imbalance in the relationship, he sweet talked me into staying, and then proceeded to list every physical fault I had or didn't even know that I had. He said that he didn't know how much longer he could stay in the relationship if I didn't do the things he did. I told him that his criticisms hurt, but he was only interested in whether I would make the changes or not. We have been going back and forth about these things, and he stated that if we're going to morph into a long-term relationship, he believed that his partner should be an extension of him, and he basically said that he wants me to be perfect. Now don't get me wrong, I do have flaws, but all in all I'm an average girl. He wants my hair to be perfect all of the time, and he wants me to have a perfect body. I am not overweight (5'5 140). Lately I feel my self-esteem slipping and find myself worrying about physical things that I've never worried about before. We talked about it recently and I cried as we were in bed. I noticed that my crying triggered him to become erect. I found this to be strange but can't find anything when I google it. Also he mentioned that he was narcissistic. I asked if he thought he met the criteria in the DSM...and he said he didn't know about that, he just meant, that he has narcissitic characteristics. I want to know if this scenario sounds like a relationship with a narcissist and if so, how do I go about getting out of this relationship. I will get out of the relationship regardless, but I have a feeling that breaking up with a narcissist, is somewhat difficult.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 Actually breaking up with a narcissist is easy, they're too self centered to care about anyone else. Your boyfriend is manipulative and sadistic, he gets off on listing your faults and stomping on your self esteem. Why do you want to be his extension? If that were the case, he should date himself.
Sarah1977 Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 Break up with him. Just walk away. Really, it's that easy. In fact, the longer you wait, the harder it will be. It's hard to walk away after someone has brain washed you into thinking you're worthless. Just leave. Now. Today. Right this very minute.
carhill Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 Hi OP, welcome to LS Sounds to me like you've received some really good information, both in your BF's direct words and through his actions. IME, the key is detaching from such a dynamic before it erodes your self-esteem and embitters you, two aspects I had/have to deal with. On the positive side, be thankful you're not married to him and don't risk financial reverses by disconnecting him. Good fortune arrives in many forms. If you disconnect him, what's the absolute worst thing that could happen? What's your most marked and clear fear? IMO, this all boils down to fear. The first step is acceptance
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