mathguy Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 (edited) Hello folks, this is my first time on this board and I'm hoping someone can offer me some new relationship advice. Okay, here's my situation. It's entirely possible I'm just being paranoid, but either way I want someone else's take on this. I'm in junior college, and got a girl from class to go out with me last week, on Wednesday. It was a bit awkward at first because we went to a movie - not much time to talk. Still, it was wholly salvaged later at dinner while we had a good conversation, had quite a bit in common, and even discovered we don't mind disagreeing when we made a foray into politics. In my mind, a big plus. At the end of the date, I asked her if she'd like to get together again at an undetermined time, to which she agreed. Okay, date #1 over and I'm feeling successful, even if a few mistakes were made, and overall quite pleased about my choice of whom to go out with. Next day, Thanksgiving, I text her (which I'd already confirmed is fine by her) to say thanks for the good time and happy Thanksgiving. She replies positively, and we go about our (busy) days. So, next day I'm in a quandry: should I call her or see her in class Monday? She did say "enjoy the rest of your break" at the end of our date, but I figured that was just obligatory, so I didn't take it to mean "don't call me until it's over." So, I could either risk calling her now and making myself appear 'clingy', or risk seeing her later and her wondering if I'm really interested. So, I compromise: I'd call her around noon the next day; Saturday, day 3, ~60 hours after the date ended. No reply, so I leave a message of about 20 seconds, the first 10 of which saying I enjoyed seeing her Wednesday and would like to get together next week, the last 10 declaring my availability for a call back. Due to an error of convention, I realize later that I never clarified AM vs. PM and could easily have given the impression that I was literally sitting around all weekend with nothing to do but wait for her call, which is a) absurd, and b) a very bad thing for a girl to think as far as I know. Calling again to clarify would probably only look worse. I'm really concerned that either she'll think I called her too soon, that I have no life, or am for whatever other reason not worth going out with again. Now, not getting this girl wouldn't be the end of the world, but that's not to say I view her as expendable - I really would like this to work out if possible. If I don't hear from her before class tomorrow, the question of what to do weighs heavily, particularly as she hangs around others before class starts and it's a dance class - I can't avoid dealing with her in class before a true 1-on-1. I could walk with her afterward, but I honestly don't know where to begin talking - do I forget about having called her, do I talk about the things I did over the weekend so she knows I wasn't just waiting for her call, or what? I'd appreciate anyone's advice on the situation if I want things to go forward. Thanks! Edited November 28, 2010 by mathguy
Author mathguy Posted November 28, 2010 Author Posted November 28, 2010 Shameless bump, in the hope of getting someone else's take on this. I hope I'm just being paranoid and reading too much into my own actions, but some nagging thought keeps telling me I made a major error.
westrock Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 Mathguy... stop over anaylizing this and breaking down your actions into what you did for how many seconds or whether you said AM or PM! This isn't a math problem that has to be exact. It's a relationship with another person. Breathe. Relax. Go with the flow. When you see her next in class, be all excited and cheery to see her. Ask her about her weekend and tell her about yours. Don't worry that she didn't call you back or is hanging around others at class. Ask her out again, but be more specific with a few options as to activities and dates/times (and avoid suggesting a movie as there is little opporunity to talk as you've discovered).
welikeincrowds Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 Look, you wrote ~5 paragraphs, but the action you're concerned about barely occupied a sentence. What does that tell you? Yes, you're paranoid. First, give her a chance to call you. If she doesn't call you, yes, just let it slide. She's still a stranger, after all, and this is hardly a serious issue. Ask her out the next time you see her. If she waffles then, that's when you know. By the way, if a girl likes you, then she likes it when you call, even when she doesn't have the time/energy to answer. And if she doesn't like you, then what was a phone call going to do?
Author mathguy Posted November 28, 2010 Author Posted November 28, 2010 *sigh* Perhaps you're right and I do just need to breathe, relax and quit treating a new relationship as an equation with "no mistakes made" as a binary multiplier. Thanks for taking the time to help; better I over-analyze this stuff here than take that attitude with me into a potential relationship.
Tressugar Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 Wow! And I thought I was over analytical. Just relax and see how everything unfolds.
sagetalk Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 By the way, if a girl likes you, then she likes it when you call, even when she doesn't have the time/energy to answer. And if she doesn't like you, then what was a phone call going to do? This, she either likes you or she doesn't. If you fall into the mentality of only pleasing her and worrying about what she wants, you are toast.
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