Complex relationship and kissing another guy only made things worse!

[quiquo]

Hi,

 

I'm on a 3 years relationship with a woman I really love. I know she also loves me and we've been through a lot together.

You see, I have a 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship and me and her mother broke up for reasons that have nothing to do with my current girlfriend. In the beginning my gf was put in the shadows by myself (mea culpa!) and my family, not on purpose but because all the attention was focused on my daugther and in trying to ensure I would stay as close as possible to her, during her early years. This is/was a very delicate situation per si!

With time, things have improved and slowly my gf has come closer to my family and friends, and they learned to like and respect her. The same happened with me and her family.

However, she still feels she's been left behind and held back by me in some important occasions. This is an issue we have talked about many times and I thought we have reached an understanding. Apparently not!

The latest one was my daughter's birthday party. Because she does not live in the same country as me, this year was only the second time I was present on her birthday and my gf has never been to any (but she knows and gets along very well with my daughter). My gf thinks I should have explicitily invited her to this party, something I don't think I had to because she's my partner, she should just come with me, no invitation needed. Also, she started a new job recently, was very busy and because she couldn't take holidays yet I assumed she would not be available. You can already see we have a communication problem!...

During the time I was away, she says she felt once again left behind, lonely and confused about me and my feelings for her and also feared I would fall back into my ex-girlfriend's arms. As a result, she ended signing up to one of those online dating sites. According to her, it was just for fun in the beginning... but I recently found out she met with, not one, but two guys and even kissed one of them!

I feel devastated! Not only because I knew she was using those sites and had already asked her to leave them, but mainly because she kissed another guy and if I haven't found it I wouldn't even know - she did not tell me about it, I found it by accident! It seems to me the intent of her meeting other men was there! And now I have serious doubts about the sustainability of our relationship, because trust has been seriously broken.

She begged for my forgiveness and we talked (and argued!) many hours about our issues. She doesn't want to loose me and we are both very sad.

We have both faced opposition from our peers when we started seeing each other 3 years ago: almost everybody said it was too soon for us (to me, in particular) to get involved with each other, but for the past 14 months or so it seems that we have finally reached the level of support we need from our closest friends and relatives.

It's been a tough journey and I really love her but I don't know if I can forgive her... for sure I will never forget what she did.

There's no doubt I need to spend some time away from her to think about everything that involves us, but I can't reach any clear conclusion. My mind has gone numb!

I know I made mistakes, I did not show properly how important she was to me and my future plans; I'm also aware I avoided talks on the subject of marriage and children. But at the same time she should also have been more honest with me and expose her real doubts and fears about our future and not engage in seeing other men.

 

I'm really confused, angry and disappopinted - with myself as well!

 

I'm also too embarassed and uncertain about talking about it with any person I know... I am usually self-confident and sure of myself, but for once I honestly don't know what to do!

 

But at least it felt good to let it all out on this forum...