Ex has a new bf and just started contacting me. Im struggling not to break NC!

[Chance_taker]

Together 3 years and 3 months ago she up and leaves out of the blue. No warning signs that I could see. Anyways we got together a few times after and I realize I was being weak but I couldn't say no to her. Well a few weeks ago she calls me and says she is involved with someone but she wants me in her life. I was of course was devastated but I calmly said I wish you guys the best but Im busy and I have to get off the phone. Since I have not talked to her or seen her. I have really been feeling down lately because of the holidays and remembering all the great times we had over the holidays with each other. So she has been contacting me recently with nonsense texts in which I don't respond to. Today I am feeling really sad and I got another text saying "how are things and I'd love to see you". I can't figure this girl out. She knows how I feel and I already said I wont be her friend, and she has a bf at least she did, and yet she is still contacting me while Im trying to move on with my life. What should I do? I truly love this girl and would give anything to be with her but I don't want to keep sacrificing my self worth everytime I break NC. Im so close to giving in and contacting her to see her. Please give me strong words of encouragement not to give in...

[Starrlove]

Don't do it. I've been in no contact for 4 months after a 4 1/2 year relationship. Yes, it's the hardest thing to do. Yes, I want to pick up the phone everyday. BUT, the strength that NC gives you trumps those feelings anyday. NC is primarily used to help yourself move on. If you contact her then you truly don't want to move on. Trust me I know how you feel, everytime you wonder what your ex is up to you get that pang in your stomach because you feel being replaced. Go out, live life, and see what happens. Noone knows what the future holds for any of us. Some people hear from their ex's 1 week, 1 month, or 11 years later. Don't sit around feeling down. If she's ever going to realize what she lost then you need to put yourself first and keep walking. If she doesn't realize it she was never meant to be. I'm a firm believer in that. Stay strong.

[Chance_taker]

Don't do it. I've been in no contact for 4 months after a 4 1/2 year relationship. Yes, it's the hardest thing to do. Yes, I want to pick up the phone everyday. BUT, the strength that NC gives you trumps those feelings anyday. NC is primarily used to help yourself move on. If you contact her then you truly don't want to move on. Trust me I know how you feel, everytime you wonder what your ex is up to you get that pang in your stomach because you feel being replaced. Go out, live life, and see what happens. Noone knows what the future holds for any of us. Some people hear from their ex's 1 week, 1 month, or 11 years later. Don't sit around feeling down. If she's ever going to realize what she lost then you need to put yourself first and keep walking. If she doesn't realize it she was never meant to be. I'm a firm believer in that. Stay strong.

Thank you for your support. Its just especially hard due to it being the holiday season and Im sure she is out enjoying life and Im stuck in this rut where I cant seem to get out of. But you're right it is because I haven't been strong enough to keep firm on my NC. Its time I finally put myself first and forget about there ever being another us.

[coltsfan1]

don't contact her, it will only fuel her fire!! you must walk away, and IF she wants you back then she will have to put more effort into gaining your love and trust back!! then a few silly txt messages or emails!!!

[DustySaltus]

I know it's hard to move on but just remember if she walked out of your life just like that, there's no reason to believe it wouldn't happen again/ She wants you to be "in her life" as a backup plan and more importantly, she doesn't want you to hate her. You love her, but you have to love yourself more. Whether or not she is happy now is irrelevant. Right now, it's all about you and finding your own happiness OUTSIDE of the relationship. Consume yourself in activities that bring happiness to you, and everything will fall into place.

[veggirl]

Please don't respond to her! And stop speculating on what she is doing. You have no clue if she is enjoying the holidays while you are miserable. Don't think like that. I agree that she wants you as her back up, don't let her have you. She made her choice when she left you, now you have to make the choice (over and over and over) to not let her back into your life. Good luck!!!

[Capital P]

why would you want someone back who left you to **** someone else.

My ex dropped me, told me she had slept with someone else , then tried to get back with her.

As much as i had feelings for her, im prepared to cut it loose because in a few months time when i cant remember her name i will always know i have self respect, and am second to no one.

And whats more, she knows it

[Wilie]

Block her phone number, i did that to my cheating wife, change your emails, etc.. even reading texts from her is not going to do you any good.. even if you do not respond to them.. block her numbers man...

 

Will

[strength-abounds]

Breaking NC will only prolong the pain dude. Listen to everyone that is pushing to stay NC, they all have been there.

 

The holidays are hard for everyone that is or going through a breakup. Keep your chin up, strap on an attitude, and push through this. You can and will make it. Just have faith in your strength.

 

Good luck and God Bless.

[Capital P]

They are right

You will only ever start to heal once you are completely NC

And the best thing is, they wll then have to come to terms with the pain of the break up. Give them that pain and heal yourself

[GreenPolicy]

Together 3 years and 3 months ago she up and leaves out of the blue. No warning signs that I could see. Anyways we got together a few times after and I realize I was being weak but I couldn't say no to her. Well a few weeks ago she calls me and says she is involved with someone but she wants me in her life. I was of course was devastated but I calmly said I wish you guys the best but Im busy and I have to get off the phone. Since I have not talked to her or seen her. I have really been feeling down lately because of the holidays and remembering all the great times we had over the holidays with each other. So she has been contacting me recently with nonsense texts in which I don't respond to. Today I am feeling really sad and I got another text saying "how are things and I'd love to see you". I can't figure this girl out. She knows how I feel and I already said I wont be her friend, and she has a bf at least she did, and yet she is still contacting me while Im trying to move on with my life. What should I do? I truly love this girl and would give anything to be with her but I don't want to keep sacrificing my self worth everytime I break NC. Im so close to giving in and contacting her to see her. Please give me strong words of encouragement not to give in...

 

So it was her decision to end the relationship, and she breaks NC to tell you that she has a BF now? That should tell you all you need to know.

 

But if you still want her back, then stick up for yourself. Tell her you want her in your life as your partner, and if she doesn't want that, then you can't be friends and you can't stay in touch. You are respecting her decision to end the relationship, and in turn she should respect your need to heal and move on. Being friends with her helps her heal quicker and causes you pain. Withholding friendship and staying in NC helps you heal quicker, regardless of its effect on her. If she wants back in your life, it's on your terms, not hers.