fleur_de_me Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 So, it has been nearly 5 months since the break-up, have been NC for a few months. I don't cry myself to sleep every night now, but I still think about him and miss him every day. I wish I didn't still love him. I know he's too immature (even though he's 32), doesn't know what he wants, and doesn't love me enough to fight for our relationship. Rationally I know it is over, but despite going NC and moving on with my life in every way, my heart still hasn't let go. I wish I could hate him- but he always treated me like I was the most precious thing on earth, made me feel like the most beautiful woman alive, and brought more happiness to my life than anyone ever has. He never said a mean word, never raised his voice, never cheated, never disrespected me. He only broke my heart. And I still don't understand why. Ugh. I only hate him for not giving me a good reason to hate him, because that would make things easier.
Am4Real Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 So, it has been nearly 5 months since the break-up, have been NC for a few months. I don't cry myself to sleep every night now, but I still think about him and miss him every day. May I ask what you are doing to keep busy and perhaps meet new people?
Author fleur_de_me Posted November 28, 2010 Author Posted November 28, 2010 We broke up because I went 1000 miles away for grad school- so I will say I "keep busy" with school 80 hours a week. And cooking. And going to the gym. And volunteering at clinics for homeless people and addicts. I also try to go out with classmates 1-2 nights a week. I met someone new a few weeks ago at a grad/professional school mixer- he's fantastic, we've been out several times and I like him a lot. He's nice, smart, attractive and fun to be with- but because I'm still not completely healed from the last relationship, I'm trying to take things slowly. I wish I could totally forget the ex so I could throw myself 100% into this new guy, because he seems much more capable of having a mature relationship.
Fufu Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 You are definitely doing fine To be able to keep up with the NC for months, you are an inspiration to many of us. To me, a partner can say all the sweetest words to us however if they decide to drop us off so easily without working things out with us, they are not worth to miss and love. Glad to hear that you are meeting someone new, if you guys get together, keep us posted ..
Author fleur_de_me Posted November 29, 2010 Author Posted November 29, 2010 hey fufu- thanks for the support. actually, i went NC right after the break up in june/july, and we started chatting/talking for a few weeks in sept. i saw him (and got SUPER sick), and ended up spending a hellish few days dying in his apartment. he was good to me, took care of me, but i also saw that things were really over. he told me every 5 minutes how happy he was to be single and how great his life was without the stress of a relationship. it broke my heart all over again, but seeing him as a person not in love with me made me realize he isn't the perfect person i made him out to be in my mind. when i was well enough to get back on a plane to go home, i promised myself i was done with him. he is a wonderful person who i love, but who (despite my deepest wishes) isn't the one for me. i never cried again after i got on the plane (over him), and i haven't thought about contacting him. it has been hard, but perhaps i needed some closure, and i got it. i pray everyday that time will close the gaping hole in my heart and i can go back to being a person who loves freely the way i did before. this new guy seems worth trying, so i hope that i can move on and be ready for a relationship again. stay strong!!!
AlisaMarie Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 Fufu is right, you are an inspiration! Some of us can't make it a week let alone months! You are doing everything right. You can still love him, he sounds like a great guy that just didn't want a commitment. Last year, I dated a 32 year old too. He made me feel great! Never cheated, lied, or hurt me. We both had similar lives and outlooks. However, he LOVED his bachlor life. When things got serious- he backed out bad. I was left with that same feeling. He as perfect, he loved me, why is it over????? About a year and a half later, he is a great guy friend. I can call/text him anytime. He has been single since we've split, and he's happy! I even cry about my most recent ex and he said that if he'd want a relationship, he would have never let me go. Maybe he truly loves being single. I would rather know this than have an excuse like "I met someone else," ya know?
Coolsbreeze Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 I know what you mean. My ex girlfriend left me about 2.5 months ago and the reasons for the breakup according to her were that we were on different paths in life. But not even a week later she already had a boyfriend. And it was a guy that she met while still being involved with me. I never lied or cheated on her and I would always treat her with respect. But having her leave like that was one of the most gut wrenching and heart ripping experiences of my entire life. And especially since she was my first love it added even more salt to the wound. Everyday since the breakup I should hate her for what she did to me, but I just can't seem to do it. I still care about her deeply but I've promised myself that I will never love her again.
Author fleur_de_me Posted November 29, 2010 Author Posted November 29, 2010 AlisaMarie- thanks so much, it helps a LOT to come here and hear from other people that i'm not totally insane!!! it is hard, but maybe little by little things get better. a lot of people seem to have "messed up" relationships, but mine was great, it was just that he wasn't in the right place in his life. i hate to admit it, but timing is everything. it is sad- but true, sometimes you fall in love with a great person who just isn't in the right place in their life for whatever reason. tragic, but i'm learning to just accept it and realize that you can't force someone. i want to be with someone who WANTS to be with me as much as i want to be with them. he was wonderful, he'll always stay in my heart and i will never forget what he brought to my life, but sadly, we weren't meant to be. coolsbreeze- hang in there!! it is rough, i know, but sometimes we just don't have the luxury of "hate." what helps me is knowing i've been in the position of the other person- i fell in love when i was 18 to a guy who was older. by the time i was 22, i still loved him a lot, but knew that i needed to go out into the world and experience more things. i loved him, truly, but was in the wrong place in my life to commit to someone. i moved on and didn't look back, and i'm sure he was hurting for a long time, even though he certainly didn't do anything to deserve it. i loved him. a LOT. if i'd met him when i was 27, things may have worked out differently. but in that moment, i knew i wasn't ready to commit my whole life to someone, i was too young, had too many things left to do. what killed me this time around is that i'd gone out into the world- done all of the things i needed to do, and finally felt ready to commit myself. i found that person i loved, was in the perfect place in my life, but it wasn't the same for him. sadly it isn't always about age, but experience. and knowing that you are in the right place in your life, whatever that means to you. my heart hurts a lot- but i know what it feels like to love someone, truly, to the depths of my heart, but know that i'm not ready. i was lucky to go 28 years before someone else broke my heart with the same realization. timing really is everything, try to remember that people want and need different things at different points in their life. it hurts, it sucks, but sadly it is true. sometimes the people are right but the timing is wrong, just unlucky.
Fufu Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 hey fufu- thanks for the support. actually, i went NC right after the break up in june/july, and we started chatting/talking for a few weeks in sept. i saw him (and got SUPER sick), and ended up spending a hellish few days dying in his apartment. he was good to me, took care of me, but i also saw that things were really over. he told me every 5 minutes how happy he was to be single and how great his life was without the stress of a relationship. it broke my heart all over again, but seeing him as a person not in love with me made me realize he isn't the perfect person i made him out to be in my mind. Haha your ex sounded so much like my ex, he also wanted to be single and stressfree from relationship. We shall see, we shall see. Or perhaps, it's a typical excuse from dumper. haha~ We deserve someone who loves us as much as we love them. On a bright side, we should thank these people for letting us go so we can find our true happiness. when i was well enough to get back on a plane to go home, i promised myself i was done with him. he is a wonderful person who i love, but who (despite my deepest wishes) isn't the one for me. i never cried again after i got on the plane (over him), and i haven't thought about contacting him. it has been hard, but perhaps i needed some closure, and i got it. I'm happy for you I'm reaching my closure stage. I stopped crying and I blamed myself so much lesser now, I can eat much more now compared to a few weeks back. I always believe there are far better things ahead of us. i pray everyday that time will close the gaping hole in my heart and i can go back to being a person who loves freely the way i did before. this new guy seems worth trying, so i hope that i can move on and be ready for a relationship again. We will be back to ourselves again, definitely without fail. When we looked back, the only thing we will do is "Ha, can't believe we will get upset over this." stay strong!!!
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