TigressA's multi-dating log

[tigressA]

I can't speak for him or every guy, but I think that, on some level, some guys might feel a little insecure. People have imaginations, and sometimes they might use their imaginations in negative ways. He might be placing your behaviors in imagined contexts.

 

I would not be surprised by that...particularly since he's so sheltered. I outlined that in previous posts. In retrospect, even though the things I told him about were in context, they were completely unnecessary. When I like someone I get nervous and ramble on, and it's like I have very little filter between my brain and my mouth. I didn't even bother explaining that to him when we talked because it doesn't change the fact that it's out now and he's not comfortable with it. I've learned my lesson for next time.

[Imajerk17]

Well, this is my take: I would rather be with someone who is a little eh, adventurous, as long as its leavened with responsibility. She can always be counted on to bring the fun (not that she isn't stable too), and I'll bring the stability (not that I'm not fun either).

 

 

That said though, dating is a mirror that sort of tells us how we feel about ourselves and different aspects of our lives. I'll give you two examples (A) and (B), from my own life.

 

(A) I once went on a date with a girl who couldn't handle the fact that I work out several times a week (instead of going to happy hour, I like thrashing myself on the weights) and won't smoke. (Don't ask how I met her.) It's a shame, because I really liked her otherwise. I suppose I could have avoided telling her about that part of me on the first date, but I didn't ever really regret talking about it. It's a big part of who I am, and I'm proud of it.

 

(B) I once went on a date with a girl who partied a lot more in high school and college than I did. She was this blonde cheerleader who got to date a lot. I had no problem with her partying--I thought it was great. But my comparative lack of experience seemed to bore her--I was more of a science nerd in school. That did hurt and I felt self-conscious about it, because I wish I had done more of that stuff when I was young. I wish I had been "cooler". I wish I had revealed that time about me being socially awkward when I was younger in a different way.

 

Anyway, see the difference between (A) and (B)? (A) is about something about me that I am proud of, while (B) is about something about me that I wish were different. Anyway, even though I didn't see the girl from (B) again, the date wasn't a loss because it did inspire me to go out and experience some things I might have missed out on when I was younger.

 

So what I am getting at: The real question is how you feel about all this stuff in your life. If you're starting to feel weird about doing things like playing strip poker with your friends (when you are not in a relationship), then you know that it is time to put a stop to doing these thigs. If you're fine with it, then that is you, and it is best to weed out guys who can't handle that early on.

Edited January 4, 2011 by Imajerk17

[tigressA]

I in no way regret doing any of it, but I would feel uncomfortable doing it now, so I don't. I did all that when I was still in college; the most recent incident was well over a year ago. It was a playful phase. I wouldn't strip down in front of or kiss just anybody now.

 

I made it clear to him that I liked him, so far. I don't care about someone being inexperienced/sheltered compared to myself. I've dated other inexperienced guys. What I do care about is someone having an issue with things I've done for whatever reason(s). I don't want to deal with someone who can't or won't see past them because that would just make me miserable.

 

I don't know for certain if this is over before it begins...I'm going to sit back and let it play out. If he ultimately decides he'd rather not continue, I do really wish him the best of luck in his search because it may take him awhile to find a girl who hasn't done any of the things I have, or "worse".