Author tigressA Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 I think I got the brush-off from Guy #1...he hasn't responded to the voicemail I left him about this weekend. I feel a little better now and expect to be well enough Friday to go on my trip, so I'm going to just extend it through Sunday. If he does get in touch with me I'll tell him I'm unavailable, and depending on the circumstances may arrange another time.
LittleTiger Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I think I got the brush-off from Guy #1...he hasn't responded to the voicemail I left him about this weekend. I feel a little better now and expect to be well enough Friday to go on my trip, so I'm going to just extend it through Sunday. If he does get in touch with me I'll tell him I'm unavailable, and depending on the circumstances may arrange another time. I thought you liked him. (Though I think you like No3 better).
Author tigressA Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 I thought you liked him. (Though I think you like No3 better). I do like him, and I want to see him again, but as I said he hasn't gotten back to me. I'm not going to go home early for a date that may never end up happening, so I'm extending my trip. If he does get back to me I'll tell him that I'm available next weekend, but not this one. I don't wait around for any guy. I feel like #1 and #3 are equal, in the amount of chemistry I have with them. I connect with them both in very different ways. Guy #1 I can see myself having a great time with all the time; he's really funny and I adore guys who I can laugh with a lot. Guy #3 seems more serious and so far we have some stuff in common; I feel like we connect on a fairly deep level. I did get physical with only Guy #3 so far, but I am very attracted to both of them. If things continue with both of them I feel like I may have a tough choice on my hands.
jerbear Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 If things continue with both of them I feel like I may have a tough choice on my hands.One for each hand? Threesome? j/k good luck. Glad you are moving along well and like them. Wish you the best.
alexlakeman Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 This serial dating is so much more economical women, as the op lol. I have to stretch them out among weeks, stop talking or not pursue others . As a guy 3 first dates in one week, $30 x 3 ? $90 minimum lol. I like going for a drink, not for dinner, and not for coffee; that's my comfort zone. I'm sure if I would done 2-3 first dates per week or even every two weeks, I would've had a gf by now, but even one. a week $120-$140 / month; doesn't sound like a lot but at times it is. Where are they taking for these first dates? Good luck op, I have to start my thread as a guy lol. Probably will this wknd. Keep us posted.
alexlakeman Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 OP, the ones that are purueing or you are pursueing 2nd or 3rd dates, are you talking or texting daily? I'm just asking b/c I'm at d 2nd - 3rd date stage with a candidate and it feels like she wants to communicate daily. No one jump to conclusions, she's mot clingy.
Author tigressA Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 I haven't been communicating daily with any of them, and that's fine with me. It's still early days and Christmas is not too far away, so things are hectic. I'm most likely going to be away for almost 2 weeks visiting my family over Christmas/New Year's, as well. I'm just taking it all in stride.
Philetus Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 tigressA, I did exactly what you're doing. I multi-dated for a while looking for that special someone. Well, I found her nearly four months ago. I knew she was special on our first date and within two weeks, we were an exclusive couple. Since then we've fallen in love and two weeks ago, moved in together. Multi-dating took the pressure off and I could focus on finding the 'right' person and not the 'right now' person. It worked for me. Good luck.
sally4sara Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I. Am. Sick. Not too long after I got back last night my throat started feeling itchy, then sore. Now I have a slight cough and body aches as well as a sore throat. Well stop kissing all the boys! Don't you know they have cooties? I'm familiar with multi dating; it worked well for me and I enjoy reading your experiences. I do have a few questions tho concerning ethics and the reciprocity level you employ in this. If your goal is to find a suitable long term mate (maybe its not; I'm just guessing) then it has a lot to do with what they have to offer you in a broader sense beyond sporadic socializing and attention. With this, the need for reciprocity comes in. While you're weighing what each guy has to offer you, what is it that you offer them now and down the road before you make a final cut? When I did this, I considered that while they participated with something to prove in gaining my time, so did I. I could chose one guy out of others all I wanted but it didn't guarantee that that guy would naturally end up choosing me too. So I had as much to prove as a practical stranger as they did. If we start out on a level playing field when we begin to get to know one another, AND they know I'm see others (because I didn't think it ethical to hide it), AND I'm not trying to have sex with what could qualify as the first string of a sports team, at what point does footing the bill every time we go out become something to expect the guy to do to prove his worth? Maybe for you it doesn't but it does matter for many women in whom they value more out of others. So I guess I'm asking if you go dutch or what kind of reciprocity is in place while on an outing with one of these guys? Not trying to come down on you about this; if a guy knows a woman is multi dating and not going to jump in the sack with him right out of the gate, and he still wants to foot the bill for the dating costs then I see nothing really wrong with letting him. But I am wondering if you look at that as a factor in who you like best at any given time - their willingness to treat you.
Author tigressA Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 So I guess I'm asking if you go dutch or what kind of reciprocity is in place while on an outing with one of these guys? Not trying to come down on you about this; if a guy knows a woman is multi dating and not going to jump in the sack with him right out of the gate, and he still wants to foot the bill for the dating costs then I see nothing really wrong with letting him. But I am wondering if you look at that as a factor in who you like best at any given time - their willingness to treat you. That's a good question. I've offered to pay for each date so far (I always do) and have had my offer turned down each time. I don't consider the guy footing the bill all or most of the time as a factor in who I like best; I don't require or prefer someone to "take care of me". I have planned all of the dates myself, obtaining their input along the way--all the guys so far are not in my immediate area and so are unfamiliar with it. I have no problem with doing that. If I go on subsequent dates with either of these guys then I'll suggest alternating on picking up the tab.
sally4sara Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 That's a good question. I've offered to pay for each date so far (I always do) and have had my offer turned down each time. I don't consider the guy footing the bill all or most of the time as a factor in who I like best; I don't require or prefer someone to "take care of me". I have planned all of the dates myself, obtaining their input along the way--all the guys so far are not in my immediate area and so are unfamiliar with it. I have no problem with doing that. If I go on subsequent dates with either of these guys then I'll suggest alternating on picking up the tab. Thanks for sharing. I became curious once a male poster chimed in with the expense for men in this. My immediate thought was, why would anyone think it HAD to cost the man more? But I didn't know how you handle that aspect. The way you handle it is pretty close to how I did. If this is how a woman handles multi dating, it greatly diminishes much of the argument men use to speak against it in asserting that is only benefits women.
alexlakeman Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 That was me; I have to pay for every first date; hence easier for women to go on a new date whenever. I'm in The US and 45, so that's custom; maybe way younger or other parts might be different. I don't expect a woman to pay any time soon. Even when I've been in relationshops, I've mostly paid, at times they've chipped in. My three most recent relationships ( 1 was 4 yrs, 2nd was a year, and last was 5-6 mths) I pd the grand majority of the time on the 4 year relationship as my income was 2 or 3 times her income. The second I payed most of the time, at times she paid, her income was double mines, no issue there, third relationship, she was used to having men pay. Even one time we were at the mall and we were checking out a sexy dress and her comment wasn't "I'll buy it for next time we go out" BUT "if you buy it for me, I'll wear it for you"! I was like "wtf"! Lol In closing 1st -2nd dates at my stage and in my world, the man pays, hence its a problem and very delayed in meeting a number of women; its cash flow vs potential 1st dates :( :( Ideas? Lol, I'm open
OceanGirl Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I have kind of been multi dating for 4 months or so - went out with over 20 guys and made out with a good number of them (or at least kissed) and I have had 3 quite bad colds/flus. I am usually the type to get a cold once a year if that. So I am thinking this may have something to do with kissing many different guys and introducing new germs to my system
TheWatcher Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Thanks for sharing. I became curious once a male poster chimed in with the expense for men in this. My immediate thought was, why would anyone think it HAD to cost the man more? But I didn't know how you handle that aspect. The way you handle it is pretty close to how I did. If this is how a woman handles multi dating, it greatly diminishes much of the argument men use to speak against it in asserting that is only benefits women. I can't say whether multi dating benefits men or women.I don't speak against it or resent any woman who's involved in it.Although,I do think that it's very difficult for the avg guy to multi date.It would burdensome financially and also it is very difficult for a man to get a date...let alone be dating 4 or 5 women concurrently. Hey,if you can get 5,6 or more guys who are willing to take you to lunch/dinner (or other activities) without any financial concerns on your part...Why not ? I sure that they're some women who multi date who legitimately offer to go dutch and are turned down by their dates. However, I suspect some do make the offer just without expecting to be taken up on it.A kind of test in a way. Not all suggesting this is the case in Tigress's situation.
Author tigressA Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 I have kind of been multi dating for 4 months or so - went out with over 20 guys and made out with a good number of them (or at least kissed) and I have had 3 quite bad colds/flus. I am usually the type to get a cold once a year if that. So I am thinking this may have something to do with kissing many different guys and introducing new germs to my system Yeah, I'm one of those who rarely gets sick. I don't know if this was just incubating and it coincidentally kicked in the very night of the date, or if I caught it from my date. Ah well. I'm pretty close to being over it now. My throat still hurts and I'm still a bit congested but it should totally clear up by Sunday. I'm heading out for my weekend getaway in an hour or so. My friend has planned a bunch of things for us to do, lots of people to meet, so I'll be away from LS 'til Sunday afternoon. Guy #3 returns from his conference on Sunday too, so I suppose I'll hear from him by then. Still silence from Guy #1.
Author tigressA Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 I just got back from my weekend trip; I had a great time, really needed to get away. My friend was a great host. His parents are still away on vacation so we were there alone. We went out every night and I met a bunch of his friends. Getting back to the topic of this thread, I have a strong suspicion I have been blown off by both Guy #1 and Guy #3. Haven't heard from either one. Ah well, back to the drawing board...
Author tigressA Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 I've been in contact with both Guy #1 and Guy #3, albeit briefly. They both know that I've been sick. I still am coughing up a storm and it's been a week, so I'm not thinking of going out with anyone until I recover. I guess I'm at a stalemate of sorts, particularly with this illness. Not sure what to do with either of them. I'm considering writing them off since their interest seems kinda low...not much contact. Guy #1 has been active on the site, but Guy #3 hasn't been on in almost a week. Meh. I guess I'll "wait" until this weekend to really decide on anything. There's another guy I've been talking to on the site for a couple of weeks, but he has yet to say anything about meeting up.
Author tigressA Posted December 8, 2010 Author Posted December 8, 2010 Okay, so I just talked to Guy #3...it was a good conversation. Turns out he is now sick, though it isn't my doing--he was on a plane cross-country for the conference he was at. I mentioned that I had a really fun time last week and that we should do it again when we're not sick. He said he had fun too, but won't have free time again for at least a week and when he does he'll let me know. I'm feeling a little iffy about that, but...we really clicked, so I'll give it to him for now. He now knows without a doubt I'm interested in seeing him again so the ball is in his court. I talked again to the guy I've been corresponding with for a couple of weeks. I may as well call him Guy #4 though we haven't yet met. I am interested in meeting. He still hasn't brought up anything; then again I'm still sick and he knows. Apparently he's also quite the busy bee. I guess I'll see what happens. No one else has captured my interest at the moment.
Author tigressA Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 I went out Saturday night with, surprise surprise, Guy #1. He called me early that afternoon and asked if I wanted to get together. I didn't have anything to do, so I took him up on it. I asked if we could make it a group thing; I really wanted to be around people. He said sure. I brought a friend and he brought a friend. The vibe between us was more flirtatious than the first time we went out, particularly physically--lots of touching. I had a really good time with him. I'd like to see him again.
Author tigressA Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 Still nothing from Guy #3? We've been in occasional contact but still nothing about another date. He said he'd "let me know"...eh. Whatever.
Allisha Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 We've been in occasional contact but still nothing about another date. He said he'd "let me know"...eh. Whatever. He's either the busiest person on earth or this is his way of letting you down. I don't know ANYONE who is so busy that they have no idea when they're free. I'm guessing the latter is what's happening. Shame, you two seemed to get on well.
Author tigressA Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 He's either the busiest person on earth or this is his way of letting you down. I don't know ANYONE who is so busy that they have no idea when they're free. I'm guessing the latter is what's happening. Shame, you two seemed to get on well. Yeah, I'm thinking that is the case too. Eh, it was only one date. I did click well with him, but it's no big deal. I'm intrigued by Guy #1...I have a sense that things have been/will be developing slowly with him, which I'm not used to, but could be a welcome change for me. There are a couple of other guys who sent me messages on the site over the last day or so...maybe something will happen there.
OceanGirl Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 BTW with guy #4 you should just take initiative and ask to meet up. I do it all the time because I get impatient with long correspondence. Guys always end up jumping at the chance to meet.
Author tigressA Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 BTW with guy #4 you should just take initiative and ask to meet up. I do it all the time because I get impatient with long correspondence. Guys always end up jumping at the chance to meet. I'm feeling kinda iffy about him. The long correspondence has put me off somewhat. I already have a sense that our in-person chemistry will be lacking because of it. I assume that if he wanted to meet me he would've asked me by now. Or he's one of those types who feels he has to correspond for a month or so before meeting. Ugh.
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