colliejoanie Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 I've posted about this relationship many times. And many people have told me to run, not because he's a jerk, but because maybe he's just not the right guy for me. It's been up and down for a while, and for some reason I keep sticking to it. The last time I posted was when I hadn't heard from him for a few days. he was supposed to be taking me to my alma mater event on a Saturday, and then to the airport on Sunday. I finally called on Thursday and asked him what was going on... He's been going to a therapist for a couple of weeks because he found out his ex had cheated throughout their relationship...... He told me Thursday that the therapist told him not to be in a relationship with me if he wanted it to actually work. Totally understandable.......He's not over the past one.....I get it. And I WAS willing to wait. He goes on to be so sweet and tell me such wonderful things about how he wants us to work. How much he likes me. How wonderful I am. How there is not one thing he doesn't like about me. I melted. He also told me that he still wanted to do the things he'd committed to. So, we went to my party. We had a blast. One drink lead to a lot more, and we were holding hands, then rubbing backs.....it was sweet. Being a total girl here, but when people would ask him things and I wasn't listening, he'd grab my leg and say "where was that restaurant we went?" "where does my roommate work?", "whats the name of that song"......I know, don't beat me up for being cheezy!! After my party, we met his friends out. They were apparently under strict orders that that was MY DAY and we did whatever I WANTED. Again.....so sweet. The day ended with us in bed together. And then he took me to the airport the next day. We stayed in contact throughout my vacation, and he picked me up at the airport. lWe went back to his house where he showed me old pics, and told me all sorts of old stories....THEN, we ended up being wonderfully intimate again. Is it possible that he really DOES like me enough to back off and want to be friends, and if that's the case, why all the flirty texts and I miss you's? Am I just being a sucker for a guy that just wants friends with benefits??? Confused as to his intentions......and should I just flat out ask what's going on??? I'd seriously be ok not putting a "dating" label on our relationship, as long as I knew for sure he was as committed as I am.....should I just say that......or is that seen as a girl being needy???
Author colliejoanie Posted November 28, 2010 Author Posted November 28, 2010 And I guess I should add, that since he told me that we should just be friends for now, he calls multiple times per day. It was like the pressure was off. I mentioned in previous posts that our communication was primarily (frustratingly) via text. Since then, it's primarily phone conversations and all initiated by him............SO CONFUSING!!!!!
daphne Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 I don't know from the post if he's telling the truth or not. However, you have to take responsibility of your own well being and if he says he's not in a place to be in a relationship, stop having sex with him. You are acting like a couple, but you're not. Don't be fooled. He's letting hiimself off the hook by telling himself that he was honest with you. If he wanted to just be friends, he wouldn't be sleeping with you. And the same goes for you. Respect his current circumstances and just be a friend if you can. Otherwise, you know that this has much potential to not work out given his current state of mind.
FL Lady Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 I don't know from the post if he's telling the truth or not. However, you have to take responsibility of your own well being and if he says he's not in a place to be in a relationship, stop having sex with him. You are acting like a couple, but you're not. Don't be fooled. He's letting hiimself off the hook by telling himself that he was honest with you. If he wanted to just be friends, he wouldn't be sleeping with you. And the same goes for you. Respect his current circumstances and just be a friend if you can. Otherwise, you know that this has much potential to not work out given his current state of mind. Woman here- stop with EVERYTHING until you get a commitment. I mean everything.
whichwayisup Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 Stop having sex with him and take thing slowly. Make it clear to him that you like him as well but since he is working on himself, still dealing with issues from his past relationship, it's unfair of him to treat you like his girlfriend when you're not..yet. And that YOU don't want to be hurt if he changes his mind, decides to end things. It'll be harder if you two are still having sex and then he ends it because he feels he isn't ready for a committed relationship. Date him and have fun, but keep things light.
Author colliejoanie Posted November 29, 2010 Author Posted November 29, 2010 Thanks for all the advice.......I did something stupid, maybe. He came down to my house last night and spent the night. It took me a lot of gumption to ask him this morning, after a night and morning of our usual great sex.... "So, a week and a half ago, we were just friends. Now we've slept together three times. What are we? I don't want friends with benefits. I'm too old for that, and frankly, I like you too much for that. It would only hurt me. I need you to be honest with me about where things are. I don't want us having sex to spoil whatever we could have once you get over your last relationship. I don't want to be a rebound." His answer was luke warm.......nothing definitive. He said he didn't know what we were. That he really liked me. That he didn't want to let me go. He said he wanted to say to hell with what his therapist said and just be together. I have a funny feeling that he's not being totally honest with me. I really feel like he's a great guy and wouldn't string me along if he didn't have feelings. But, I have this sneaking feeling that me confronting him with this, he's going to turn tail and run.....which means he's really not that invested. It needed to happen, and time will tell. I'm going to focus on myself and see if he turns up again. I wish I didn't like him. Dang, I don't like feeling this vulnerable!!!!!!!
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